How to convince my boyfriend I'm not cheating...

[lillylsj]

My boyfriend went out of town for a few days and when he came back and we had sex he said my vagina felt raw (which happens sometimes after rough sex and idk why) and therefore I must've had sex with someone while he was gone. I honestly did not cheat and cant explain why my vagina felt different. He refuses to confront the issue. Everything I read online says to sit down and talk. I tried, but it turned into a huge fight because he refused to talk about it and shut down so then I got upset and so on... He says I never shut up and am always ing and so on. However, I'm just trying to bring up a real issue and I'm not trying to fight but he wont talk about it so it turns into one because I refuse to give up then he ends up being mean and spiteful when I'm just trying to fix our relationship! He says he just wants to ignore it but still genuienly thinks I cheated. I dont understand why he is dealing with it this way or why he does not trust me (I have never cheated or anything else significantly ty). Also how is me trying to talk through our problems that so obviously matter translates to me just ing in his eyes!? I love him to death but jesus this sucks.

Also, some background info, he was on anxiety medication and got off it a few months ago and he used to be paranoid and spiteful and mean all the time and we fought constantly, but after he got on welbutrin and I got some hormone inbalences figured out it was a lot better. So maybe that could be a part of it? He hasnt gone to therapy or a psychiatrist since.?

[Usa1ah]

If he is acting this way now. How bad do you think it’s going to be in the future?

 

Communication is key in any relationship, you can’t just carry on like there isn’t a problem.

 

Honestly he needs to grow up before he can have a real relationship.

 

Time to start breaking the ties that bind.

 

Do not argue the point, if he refuses to talk about it then explain that relationship depend on communication which it appears he is incapable of.

 

I honestly don’t know many females that would stay with someone that falsely accuses them of cheating.

[DanZee]

Well, you figured it out. He's off his meds and that's why doctors tell you not to go off your meds! He's probably losing his grip on reality. You have to decide how long you're going to put up with this stuff happening in your relationship. I hope he's nicer when he's on his meds because this is basically emotional abuse he's flinging at you. It's unlikely you're going to get him to sit down and talk about his problems when he's like this. You should probably tell him that you're just not going to see him when he's like this and to come back when he's on his meds. That way, you won't be enabling him. And make sure you take care of yourself. Dealing with someone who's mentally ill can be dangerous to your mental health.

[limichelle]

He's off his meds and lost touch with reality. I would walk if I were you these situations never get better because you'll never convince his delusions of what's real and he'll constantly put you down.

[reinventmyself]

Whoa.

You need to put your foot down and tell him under no uncertain terms will you tolerate being accused this way and you won't stand for it.

 

Why are my spidely senses going up though? Is he threatening to end the relationship? Is it possible he's guilty of cheating himself while away and creating

an issue where there isn't one so he has a reason to walk. . .or displace his guilt.

 

I have never heard of a man sensing when a woman's vagina is raw and that it is a definite sign of cheating?

That's about as random as it gets.

 

You've stated you've been faithful. You don't need to defend yourself or convince him any further.

Don't get sucked down a rabbit hole trying to convince him otherwise.

[DaisyMayPorter]

I was in a long term relationship with a man. Wait, "man" is being generous; we'll call him a male - several years ago, and he was bipolar (but never diagnosed), a bit narciscisstic, and emotionally abusive. He accused me of cheating a couple of times which were completely false. I figured it was because he cheated in the past, I wasn't sure. But it was disturbing and hurtful.

 

You need to leave this relationship now. Stop asking why and just go. Save yourself from this person.

[annie24]

People tend to accuse you of whatever they are doing themselves. Either he’s cheating or the meds are the problem. It’s pretty hard to prove a “negative” unless you are wearing a body cam 24/7. If he can’t trust you, you two shouldn’t be together.

[thorough]

He will never trust you. I dated a guy who was bi polar for a short period of time. Despite spending whole days together, 5 or more times a week, he didn't trust me. No matter what I did, he accused me of hiding something. He analyzed what I texted to him and I could not convince him otherwise. Nothing will change his mind and you are better off leaving.

[Seraphim]

Nowhere does it say he is bipolar.

Sounds like he is being a jerk and this is not how love looks. Time to leave.

[DaisyMayPorter]

People tend to accuse you of whatever they are doing themselves.

 

I agree 1000%

[LootieTootie]

Tell him just because it feels different doesn't mean you did anything wrong. What you eat/drink and person's body hormones can contribute to the feel, smell and taste.

 

However if this guy is being paranoid and distrustful, I say you need to get yourself a healthier guy who is understanding and communicative. Also maybe someone who has taken a sex ed course.

[Mirthious]

Relationships are built upon trust, without it nothing works. Tell him to man up and talk, or bite the sour apple and consider leaving him.

[RetroMama77]

Run. Run far far away. This is emotional abuse and it's just plain cruel. My ex-husband did the exact same thing to me and it only got worse. Don't try to figure out what is causing it. It's HIS problem, not yours.