Guy I've been hanging out with might be seeing someone else

[Aaricia]

Hi all,

I met a guy during the summer but only talked sometimes on FB, since he was seeing a girl I think because he was tagged in her posts and pictures together from back in 2016. I also saw them a couple times at common events, so they seemed to know each other well. Three weeks ago, he asked me to go for dinner and drinks. I did not consider it as a date, I was curious why suddenly and it was more of a getting-to-finally-know-each-other-meeting, at least for me. We talked about a lot of things generally, I asked him about his previous relationships and he said they pretended to be something they were not. We went out a little then to his place. We saw each other another 2 times in the past week and a half. Last time, we went for all you can eat sushi’s, then to his work Christmas party (said he was not allowed to bring people, but boss made an exception since he asked), then out to dance a little. I was wondering what happened with the girl he was seeing before, as we have not discussed about it (it was way too early at this point, and I did not know how to bring up the subject) but I was having my doubts whether he was still seeing her, since they were last tagged in a picture at an event on NYE. I found it odd that he would spend NYE with her, and one week later contact me to go for dinner.

 

Last week, I saw he was going to a lounge event happening yesterday, and in the guest list, I noticed the girl was also going. He asked me if I was going yesterday afternoon and I said yes, to which he replied “ouu naughty” around 9pm and he was not online after that. I went to the lounge around midnight, went to the bathroom, then to the bar to get a drink and on the other side of the bar in the crowd, I recognized him and a girl dancing very close. I immediately turned around to go back to the bathroom, and the girl sort of came around the corner and we crossed eyes. I think she also smiled or grinned, but I did not sustain it, I was just in a hurry to get out of there. I recognized her as the girl from the tagged pics. Around 3 am (when lounge event ends) he texted me asking me where I was, to which I replied an hour later: “I’m busy with friends. You looked busy earlier.” He texted me this morning “you were there” (question? No idea) then a few hours later “what do u mean I looked busy?”. I am wondering if he is just playing dumb. To me, it seems like it’s easy to put the puzzle together. I have not clicked on his messages yet.

 

I guess I don’t really know what to do at this point. We are not official, saw each other only 3 times. I am just asking myself what is going on and what to answer to him. We have been quite intimate the last times, first time I even stayed at his place during the day, he cooked breakfast, we watched movies and comedy shows. We cuddled a lot every time and he seemed like a decent person. He has not talked to me about that girl, and I am wondering if I am overreacting. It’s not much a question of loyalty as one of respect and honesty really, especially if we have been intimate. What do you guys think? Thank you a lot!

[Wiseman2]

Are you both multidating? It seems the exclusivity talk hasn't happened yet?

[Aaricia]

Hey Wiseman,

Thanks for your reply. No the talk has not happened at all. For now, it was all just going out and having fun together.. I am not dating other people, no. I know I could but am not really into the dating scene right now, which is why I was pleasantly surprised when he asked me to go for dinner. I clicked on the messages so he saw that I saw his texts but did not reply. He wrote me again about 5 minutes ago: "My phone was dead all night I had 3% left. Were you (at the event)? I did not even see u. I turned it off in case I needed it. And that's when I texted you. Anyway. I hope you had fun." I really don't know what to reply to this. He's justifying he didn't reply because his phone was off. The problem isn't about his phone. It's about what I saw there. I am honestly surprised he's not putting 2 and 2 together. What do you think?

 

PS: Yes I know for the other thread! Thanks for noticing! I tried posting before but nothing was appearing, I thought it was a problem with the account or technical issues with the computer...

[Wiseman2]

Just answer 'yes, you were dancing with some friends', see how he replies.

Were you (at the event)? I did not even see u.

[Aaricia]

Ok I will. My only concern is he might ask me why I didn't go say hello. Should I just be direct with him? Until now, I only insinuate things but he doesn't seem to get what I am referring to. Is there any way I could ask him about the other girl and have a talk about it, without sounding attached, or intense about it ? It's either he doesn't think he did anything wrong or he just doesn't care at all if I saw him.

[boltnrun]

Ok I will. My only concern is he might ask me why I didn't go say hello. Should I just be direct with him? Until now, I only insinuate things but he doesn't seem to get what I am referring to. Is there any way I could ask him about the other girl and have a talk about it, without sounding attached, or intense about it ? It's either he doesn't think he did anything wrong or he just doesn't care at all if I saw him.

 

Are you concerned that he might get upset if you ask? Why? I think it's a legitimate question; you want to know if he's involved with someone else so you can make a decision with full information. If that upsets him, he's not the right one for you...right?

[tattoobunnie]

Are you sure she's not a cousin, sister or relative? Back in my 20's and early 30's, I went clubbing, partying, and traveling with my older brother and several best male friends.

[JaggerJim]

Is it hard to just ask "Who was that girl you were dancing with?" and then to proceed to ask if he is dating other people. If you are intimate with him, you have a right to ask.