JoeSuavo Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 So I’ve had a crush on this girl for around five years now, and I liked her for a year and a half, dated her for a year, then she dated this guy for three years, and now have been involved (she has how she said commitment issues/is nonmonogamous so no formal title) for a few months and we talk daily for hours on the phone and we spend as much time as possible with each other (around three days a week). This relationship with her ex was really unhealthy and she’s glad she ended it but she said and I believe feels that she still cares for him but he’s really terrible to her and there are times when I’ll do something nice that should be expected of anyone in my situation and she’ll break down and cry because her ex when put in the same situation was so mean to her it just startles her. I don’t understand how someone can be so terrible to you but you still care about them but I really love this girl and I want to help her in whatever ways I can to move on and live a happy life but I don’t know how to do that, please help. And I really don’t know what’s best for her because he’s so bad to her and yet she still cares. (And sorry for including my whole life story) Edit: I’m not looking for someone to tell me to move on or something, I’m looking for advice on how to help my loved one move on from a past relationship. (Maybe she just needs time and I can give her that I just want other thoughts on what to do) Link to comment
reinventmyself Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 Well . . seeing I can't tell you to move on (to someone who's available and not mourning the loss of a relationship on your precious time) Just continue doing what you are doing. Link to comment
Seymore Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 I'll say it. Move on. Sounds like you got friendzoned hard and don't realize it. You want to "help her" move on so you can "move in". Won't happen. Sorry. Also, keep in mind what you're hearing about what a jerk the guy is...is nothing but one side of the story. If she's nonmonogamous then how did she date you? Was that nonmonogamous as well? Link to comment
ThatwasThen Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 she has how she said commitment issues/is nonmonogamous so no formal title) Does this not tell you that you'd be crazy to give this girl your heart? She's not monogamous... how are you with sharing? Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 You can't help her, OP. Her heart is with another guy. There's next to zero you can do about that. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 Edit: I’m not looking for someone to tell me to move on or something, I’m looking for advice on how to help my loved one move on from a past relationship. (Maybe she just needs time and I can give her that I just want other thoughts on what to do) Right. You don't want to hear the smart thing to do, you just want to try to manipulate a rebounder. Good luck with that. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 Is she still seeing both of you? Link to comment
SweetGirl28 Posted January 23, 2018 Share Posted January 23, 2018 Right. You don't want to hear the smart thing to do, you just want to try to manipulate a rebounder. Good luck with that. Truth!!!! I had a guy try to pull that with me. "I'm an empath, I can heal you. Let me help you get over him".....pffftttttt........ I kicked that guy to the curb so fast and had him blocked in a heartbeat. He wasn't trying to heal anything, not that he could, he wanted to force me into a relationship with him. That backfired lol Link to comment
ShatteredMan Posted January 24, 2018 Share Posted January 24, 2018 I know that you've been involved with this girl in the past but know that you should drop this girl like a bad habit. She's emotionally attached to someone else (that she dated for far longer than you) and if you manipulate her into a relationship with you, you can forget about trust in the relationship. More than likely, she doesn't see you as more than a "male girlfriend". If you don't want to take this advice, why don't you test her? Go no contact with her for a week. Don't tell her that you're doing this. Just try it and don't respond to anything she sends (and don't you reach out to her, "like" things on social media). Disappear like a fart in the wind. If you hear from her after a week, ask her what's up and how are things going. Don't ask her about this "ex that is not". Just let her present to you what's on her mind. If you don't hear from her after a week, you should take this as a sign as how much she's thinking about and valuing you in her life. Link to comment
Morello Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 I know that you've been involved with this girl in the past but know that you should drop this girl like a bad habit. She's emotionally attached to someone else (that she dated for far longer than you) and if you manipulate her into a relationship with you, you can forget about trust in the relationship. More than likely, she doesn't see you as more than a "male girlfriend". If you don't want to take this advice, why don't you test her? Go no contact with her for a week. Don't tell her that you're doing this. Just try it and don't respond to anything she sends (and don't you reach out to her, "like" things on social media). Disappear like a fart in the wind. If you hear from her after a week, ask her what's up and how are things going. Don't ask her about this "ex that is not". Just let her present to you what's on her mind. If you don't hear from her after a week, you should take this as a sign as how much she's thinking about and valuing you in her life. Sorry, but I think this is really bad advice. Do you mean actually ignoring her for a whole week? Sounds very immature. One thing is to say that you'll give her time/space to sort things out and go NC, but just doing that out of nothing and ignoring her messages calls without providing any reason... Communication is very important in a relationship. If he shows her that his reaction to a potential problem is to just ignore her for a week, she might as well find out he's not worthy of her time at all. Just my two cents anyway. Link to comment
ShatteredMan Posted January 30, 2018 Share Posted January 30, 2018 Sorry, but I think this is really bad advice. Do you mean actually ignoring her for a whole week? Sounds very immature. One thing is to say that you'll give her time/space to sort things out and go NC, but just doing that out of nothing and ignoring her messages calls without providing any reason... Communication is very important in a relationship. If he shows her that his reaction to a potential problem is to just ignore her for a week, she might as well find out he's not worthy of her time at all. Just my two cents anyway. I respect your opinion. By not returning communication, you are still sending a message. If she knows that he's "worthy of her time", she'll find a way to see what's up with this behavior. If she wants to know why all of a sudden she doesn't seem to be the object of his attention anymore, she will make her presence known. If she doesn't give a hoot, she'll never reach out. From my perspective, he's got nothing to lose since she's already jacking him around. He's already in pain and she knows that she has power over him at this point and is asserting control. I'm merely suggesting that he take the power back until she demonstrates that she is concerned about him not communicating with her or if he never hears from her again, then he can start the healing process through continuing no contact and self-development. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.