scubagirl72 Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 I am 45 years old and have been seeing my 61 year old boyfriend for 5 years. He has been a private naturist since I've known him (enjoys doing anything he can in the nude as long as there were no guest or children) and has encouraged me to be the same. Unfortunately, I just can't wrap my head around it and am not comfortable being nude unless I am bathing or being intimate. Last winter he went away with a couple who are naturists to a naturist resort for a week. I was uncomfortable with the idea, but read many articles about these resorts and naturism and was able to convince myself that it was ok. He is wonderful to me and a great person so the positives outweighed this difference in comfort levels. He has recently hired a new 22 year old employee that is the grand daughter of friends of his. She is your typical 22 year old that posts on instagram a dozen times a day. Pouty selfies with lots of cleavage, bum and legs... I'm already dealing with the insecurities of an aging womanly figure, but am able to get over myself and realise that I'm being silly having this upset me. She lives with her grandparents and often invites him over to eat with them all. She has also gone out of her way to bring him food that she has cooked for him and has told him that she wants to meet a guy just like her papa (grandpa) to spend her life with. (Does that mean she wants a much older guy?!?) This is starting to make me feel a little uncomfortable but realise that it is probably just my own insecurities coming out again. I just found out that he is planning a vacation with his new employee and her grandparents next month. Fair enough, he's been friends with the grandparents for ever and has known this girl since she was young (she was in school with his daughter). The kicker is that they are naturists... He'll be spending a week buck naked with the 22 year old new employee. I am not feeling at all comfortable with this situation and now wonder if they are all nude together when he goes to their home for dinner, to drop off a paycheque, etc... I'm trying to feel ok with this, he insists that it's not a sexual thing, but I am really struggling, it makes me feel sick. He is so kind and good to me, I'll probably never find another quite like him, but I'm afraid that this is too big a difference in values to get over and I'm afraid I have to end this relationship. He has said that he would cancel the trip because he doesn't want to lose me, but my fear is that this situation can't be avoided forever... He visits their home, they have a pool, a hot tub. If it hasn't already happened, he will spend time with her naked. I have caught him in a lie in the past (lied about spending time with an ex girlfriend) and my trust is a little broken. And now I'm afraid that he will just lie about situations that may arise to save my feelings. Is it appropriate for him to spend naked time with his employee? Am I overreacting? Link to comment
JaggerJim Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 Well it seems to me, he just wants to see her in the buff. But that's just my opinion. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 There are very strict rules at nudist camps about conduct, sexual relations (they encourage couples/families, they discourage people who are single and want to meet someone) eye contact, etc. Many people who are nudists - and there is a difference between people who have a weekend at an all unclusive resort thats clothing optional with bars and hot tubs and a family nudist camp. I would be more concerned about the granddaughter wanting to "meet a man like granddaddy" than i would him vacationing with friends. I think that instead of stewing, that you talk with him about it - that you know he is a naturist/nudist and have no problem if he goes somewhere with the couple, but are a bit uncomfortable if the granddaughter goes - that since she behaves how she does clothed you are worried that she does not have the same intentions. BTW, why weren't you invited? Bottom line, I think that you need to either accept his lifestyle that you knew about before you met him, or don't date him. But setting boundaries is very important. You can be okay with his lifestyle but have boundaries that you understand as a couple. Link to comment
rosephase Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 If she was raised by nudists she probably very used to being naked and having other naked people around her. Since she grew up nudist and you partner is a nudist and her grandparents are nudists and they are old friends, my guess is he's been seeing her naked her whole life. And she has seen him naked her whole life. I can understand that it's not your culture and that you are struggling to wrap your head around it. It's okay to ask him for help in processing. You've spoken to your partner about it. You know it isn't sexual for him and it isn't sexual for naturists. He probably knows it's awkward for folks who don't understand it. I would suggest talking to him more about it. And even if it's not your thing to try going to a naturist camp with him some time. Honestly, for me, seeing it changed my mind about what it was all about. And if it's something you really aren't okay with (him being around his employee naked) tell him. And see if it's something he willing to give up for your comfort. It might be. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 He has said that he would cancel the trip because he doesn't want to lose me, but my fear is that this situation can't be avoided forever... He visits their home, they have a pool, a hot tub. If it hasn't already happened, he will spend time with her naked. Then take him up on it --- have him cancel the trip and have the agreement with him that he does not appear naked when the granddaughter is present. is his own daughter a nudist who is there also, or no? Link to comment
dias Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 Am I the only one who believes that being around a bunch of naked people is a bit of perversion? Link to comment
rosephase Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 Am I the only one who believes that being around a bunch of naked people is a bit of perversion? Your belief is the norm. Don't worry. It won't be any time soon that society normalizes having a body. If you had ever been around nudists you might think differently. Being around a lot of naked people actually helped me with body images issues. Naturists are mostly sweet kind older folk who like going for a walk in the woods without clothes on. Our culture loads us with so much shame around our bodies (not to mention sexualization at every turn) that being comfortable naked around other naked people is almost a revolutionary act. I think it's a perversion that so many people are so uncomfortable in their own skin. We are born naked. Kids love being naked. It's social shame and sexualization that make being naked so uncomfortable. Link to comment
scubagirl72 Posted January 19, 2018 Author Share Posted January 19, 2018 Thanks so much for all of the replies! It's very insightful getting the different views. My work schedule wouldn't allow me to go on the trip and he knows I'm not comfortable with the idea. I'm sure if I said I wanted to go he would be absolutely thrilled!! He'd love it if I could share this part of his life. As a textile (that's what naturists call people that aren't into being naked) I just don't get it and it seems slightly creepy for a bunch of people to hang around naked, go bowling naked, do yoga class naked. Those are things I just don't need to see! Although logically, it shouldn't matter in the least but when I met him he was a private naturist, only in his own home and never around his children. Wish I could wrap my head around it but his first visit to a naturist resort was almost a year ago and it seems I'm still having issues... Link to comment
scubagirl72 Posted January 19, 2018 Author Share Posted January 19, 2018 He is the only one in his family that is a naturist, and until a year ago he only did it privately, with no one around (except his exwife) Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 19, 2018 Share Posted January 19, 2018 I have a friend who is a naturist. She retired last year and is a naturist 24/7 now. They live in a naturist trailer park here in Canada , Spring and Summer and in one in the American South, Fall and Winter. The only time she wears clothes is to meet non naturist friends like me or for their cruise every year. She said it is like every other community just no clothes, zero sexual about it . Anyone being sexual about it is thrown out. Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 I can't be the only one wondering why a hot 22 year old wants to go on a nudist vacation with her grandparents.... :o Link to comment
Seraphim Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 I can't be the only one wondering why a hot 22 year old wants to go on a nudist vacation with her grandparents.... :o I don’t know too many 22 year olds who want to hang with granny and granddad period let alone naked. Link to comment
rosephase Posted January 20, 2018 Share Posted January 20, 2018 I don’t know too many 22 year olds who want to hang with granny and granddad period let alone naked. Fair enough. The only ones I know are northern California hippies. I remember it feeling strange being naked in a hot tube with a friend and her parents. But they were super chill about it. Different families have different levels and flavors of intimacy. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted January 21, 2018 Share Posted January 21, 2018 If he's been long-time friends with these people, and you've been with him for 5 years, how have you handled his relationship with this couple and their daughter over the last 5? Link to comment
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