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Should i sell my house and live with my gf


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I have been with my gf for 11 months. We are at a crossroads and i cant decide what to do as regards living with her in her home. She wants me to sell my flat (in a town far away) to pave the way for a more normal relationship. I am keen to do this because i love her and see a future with her obviously. But she recently gave me an ultimatum .....either i move in within 3 months or we go our seperate ways. These were her words, cutting and terrifying. I'm not sure she meant them.


She is younger by 6 years, she's 24. I am concerned that because she loves to have her way she is forcing the move to happen. I also didnt enjoy her post on fb last week, she and 2 friends took off their bra's for a man who talked them into it. It was a joke but i woke up and saw the bra's in a picture and said nothing. It happened at a baby shower, i assumed she had a lot to drink.


I guess what i'm saying is that she is younger, i am her first love and can it work? I love her company she's kind and caring and im sure she's making mistakes because i'm her first real bf. I have everything to lose and she has only to gain from me moving in. Is this a risk, i mean it is but how big a risk???

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Does she own her "flat" or is she just renting? Why must you sell and move to hers? Why not you both move into something completely different when you are ready? 11 months dating is not a very long time in the scheme of things. I'd not let her brow beat you into anything... If she's willing to leave you over you not quite being ready to move in with her then she's not got much value for you.


BTW: What does she mean by "a more normal relationship?"

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Sounds manipulative and she definitely sounds immature. I wouldn't sell your place and move in.


I was living with my ex and she still wanted me to sell my place. She didn't care that I'd take a loss and still owe and carry major debt, and looking back I'm certain she just wanted me to have nowhere to go when she was drunk. ("Even if you have to sleep on the couch, as long as I know you're in my house that's what I care about" were her words)


Sounds like a control move. She already seems to have no respect for you so I would definitely move on. Does her taking her bra off for another guy sound like love to you? And at a baby shower?!? Guys get invited to those?!?

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So she's trying to control you according to what her friends do. When she actually buys a place I'd like to see how quickly she puts it up for sale. If she wants it she will wait. Did you ask her to move in with you? Not that I would with a girl like that but I wonder what her response would be. "oh but I just signed the lease", probably.


Put it this way: If she can't get serious about breaking her lease, but you're supposed to break your mortgage agreement (1 year versus 10-30), what's that say?

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I know this is less than perfect. Her sister threw her husband out for spending money they didnt have. Two days later my gf threw me out of hers for not mentioning i had been to see my sister. Itwas weird


Stop making excuses. Once I saw "her sister..." I said "what the heck does that have to do with you?"


Toss that slag to the curb. You cant see your sister? Huh?!? But when it comes to HER sister, suddenly things matter?


Picture this: You, having no place to go because you sold your house, possibly at a loss. Your "loving" gf taking her bra off for other dudes whenever she doesn't get her way and you having nowhere to leave to anymore.


She's conditioning you. Whenever you don't do what she wants she'll act up, likely for other guys.

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I know this is less than perfect. Her sister threw her husband out for spending money they didnt have. Two days later my gf threw me out of hers for not mentioning i had been to see my sister. Itwas weird


There's no way I'd move in with someone like that, much less sell my home.

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Living together shields it's users from making the hard decisions needed today. (Spend some time here reading the endless failed partner/roommate fiascos.)


To quickly cut through the crap, tell her you will not live together unless married.

This will force you out of your own confusion, and expose her immaturity.

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Shoot, I'd break up with her. She sounds controlling, manipulative, and incredibly insecure.


And stupid. She wants you to sell the home you own, so you can move into her rented flat? So you get to lose any equity you've built up, only to throw it away in rent each month? Because she's lonely?


Nuh uh. Nope.

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It is manipulation and selfishness.


I was with someone like this...


Same deal... Except she was renting a home that belonged to her parents and she was forcing her way into my home...


Dame deal: The same ultimatum....


About 6 to 7 months after she and her kids moved in with me and my kids, I had no choice but to ask her to move out... She was not the person that she painted herself to be and her children were hands down extremely disrespectful to me and my kids....


Eventually this led to a break up...and other drama....


I realized and opened up my eyes to what was really going on.....

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She rents, you own...and she wants YOU to move? That seems a little backwards to me.


Ultimatums are about control. This is one I wouldn't give in to; if she wants to go your separate ways because you don't make a major decision when she insists you do it, and how she insists you do it...you're dodging a bullet by seeing that through and letting it go.


Sounds like you have some reservations (and I'd hazard a guess more than even the few things you've mentioned here.) That alone should give you pause and tell you that doing what she wants isn't in your best interest.


When the timing is right, there are no ultimatums needed. You'd both be ready to take that step and it'd be a give and take situation, not a demand or a hardship.

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She is renting her house. She sees her friends living with partners and wants this for us.


If she bases important life decisions on what other people appear to have, rather on what works best for you as a couple and each of you as individuals, it doesn't sound promising for a long-term happy relationship.


At 11 months, wouldn't it be more productive to talk about goals, beliefs about relationships and intent, etc? Are you two long distance? Would she give up her current rental to move closer to you? (Not living together, but close by?) What about compromising or, even better, collaborating! I think at 11 months, I would see this line in the sand as a red flag. Maybe counter offer with "Let's work on our relationship with a couples therapist, making an appointment within the next 7 days, or let each other go our separate ways." That way, you move ahead sooner, whichever the choice. Demanding you sell your house within 3 months? That's a crazy-making! She had no idea what that really entails.


Now that I think about it, I'd probably take her approach as a major red flag, and indicator of a part of her you hadn't seen much until now because you've been in the honeymoon stage. Her ultimatum is not really about working together to make the relationship stronger. It's about expectations and control. If you two are long distance, I understand that might be a difficulty that she wants to resolve, but she's not making this about teamwork and problem solving, which are what a good relationship needs.


You can love someone and still not be compatible. This may be coming to light.

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Sorry to hear this. It would be regrettable to allow someone this unrealistic, immature and demanding to make financial decisions for you especially in the form of blackmail after knowing her less than a year. Do not sell your place, no less move in with her under duress. If she needs threats to keep and hurry a guy...or else, it sounds like things will get a lot worse.

I have been with my gf for 11 months. She wants me to sell my flat. she recently gave me an ultimatum .....either i move in within 3 months or we go our seperate ways. she and 2 friends took off their bra's for a man.i am her first love
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I know this is less than perfect. Her sister threw her husband out for spending money they didnt have. Two days later my gf threw me out of hers for not mentioning i had been to see my sister. It was weird


Quite apart from the three months ultimatum, this alone would have me scurrying for the hills. This is about control, manipulation and a whole pile of stuff which has nothing to do with loving relationships.


If you do submit to her demands, you've got a lot more to lose than the equity you've built up in your house. The ball's actually in your court here - as you say, you only stand to lose whereas she stands to win. Stick by your own domestic arrangement, and if she DOES end the relationship in three months time over this - that's a very clear indication that it's a relationship you shouldn't have been in to begin with.

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