We slept together, is he pulling away?

[Chrissy1187]

So a couple weeks ago I met a guy on bumble Im (30F) he is (31M). We chatted for a few days and he was the one taking initiative to contact me and we had some great conversations. We ended up having three great dates within the span of a week and a half. He always would reach out to me during the day as well to ask how my day was or say goodnight at night. I let him do a little chasing, but I still showed I was interested.

 

We live an hour away from each other so on the third date I ended up staying the night at his house since I went to see him and it was very late and we had been drinking. We just kissed and some touching but no sex. We then had a fourth date. Ive met his friends and roommates a couple times and he is very affectionate with me in front of them as well. The fourth date we were supposed to go out but we were both tired from the day we both had that we decided to stay in, hang out with his roommates (a guy and girl couple). I made him dinner, and we just cuddled on the couch.. played a fun game with the roomies had some drinks. It was a nice night.

 

That night we went to bed and we ended up having sex. The sex was so-so, I think he just had a little to drink and we are just not used to each other in that way yet. I've had in the past where the first time having sex with someone can be a little awkward and the second time is usually better. However, we are very attracted to each other and up until this time we had some serious make-out, hot and heavy kissing sessions. We also both told each other we really liked each other and were having a good time, dont remember if that was said before or after the sex. So that was on Saturday night.

 

The next day, Sunday, we both had plans so we kissed goodbye in morning and went about our separate ways. Didnt really talk too much throughout the day, we texted for a hot second that evening but I had been out all day and was exhausted and fell asleep in the middle of our text convo at which the last thing he said to me was "come back" as far as me coming back over (i fell asleep before i saw this text). I woke back up on the couch a couple hours later and texted him back stating i fell asleep and asked him what he was doing the next day (monday). at this time it was 11pm and he did not answer.

 

The next day, Monday, (TODAY).. there was nothing, no texts or anything...I thought this was a little weird because the night before I had sent him those few texts at 11pm asking what he was up to the next day and what not, so i figured he would have said something to me in the morning answering me, but I let it go..even though I could see he was getting online throughout the day and still not answering me.. but whatever.

 

He also knew I was taking today and tomorrow (monday & tuesday) off from work and the last time I saw him he said he def wanted to do something during that time. So I ended texted him today (monday) at 2:30 just saying "Hey, how is your day going? is the offer to come back still on the table lol?" he ended up texting me back just saying "at the dropzone, what are you doing?" (he skydives every week). I just told him what i was doing and asked if he wanted to hang out that evening, he then responded and just said "ill let you know but tomorrow may be better for meeting up." I just responded saying "alright sounds good, I would have figured you wanted to do a slumber party since I dont have work tomorrow and I cant during the week. but yeah let me know! have a good day!" and i never heard back from him today/tonight.

 

Also side note, he deleted his bumble profile when we first started talking, but I have since learned he has created and activated a new one.. I mean that is fine he can do what he wants.. but it is just weird he deleted it and now just created a new one.

 

it took all of me not to reach out to him this evening, i just dont know if now there is a shift. Also he is going to be leaving for work in week for a whole month and when we were last around eachother he said something jokingly about me not finding someone else when he is gone for a month.. but now im wondering if he said all these sweet things and pursuing me, telling me he liked me.. and then when he got me in bed now he is like.. "bleh".

 

I just want advice on how I should be acting and when/if i should reach out to him. he is leaving in a week, and im starting to like this guy.. it was not my intention to jump into bed within the first couple weeks but we clicked so well and he is leaving.. and lets just face it, it had been a few months since I had hooked up so I was ready to be in bed with a gorgeous man.

 

So.. im not going crazy and im not freaking out.. but I am just feeling confused a little discouraged. not trying to be conceded..but why would he not want me to come stay with him tonight? why did he not reach back out to me this evening when he has been do diligent about contacting me and pursuing me? why did not start up a new profile again?

[DanZee]

I would say to act like nothing is wrong this week, keep texting him about what you would usually text him about, and occasionally text him while he's away next week. You'll know when he comes back if he's still interested in you or not. It's too soon to do anything right now. You don't want to ruin it with crazy girlfriend scenarios if there's nothing wrong or he's going through a busy period. He may also be trying to process everything that has happened between you. Maybe it went a little fast. Maybe he's doubting himself or thinking that his performance was bad. Give him a little space, but don't let him think you're not interested. You'll find out soon enough.

[figureitout23]

it took all of me not to reach out to him this evening, i just dont know if now there is a shift. Also he is going to be leaving for work in week for a whole month and when we were last around eachother he said something jokingly about me not finding someone else when he is gone for a month.. but now im wondering if he said all these sweet things and pursuing me, telling me he liked me.. and then when he got me in bed now he is like.. "bleh".

 

I just want advice on how I should be acting and when/if i should reach out to him. he is leaving in a week, and im starting to like this guy.. it was not my intention to jump into bed within the first couple weeks but we clicked so well and he is leaving.. and lets just face it, it had been a few months since I had hooked up so I was ready to be in bed with a gorgeous man.

 

 

Well, what's your honest take on it? Do you think he's genuinely pulling away or are you more tuned into his actions because you slept with him and feel uneasy and vulnerable?

 

Unfortunately it's possible, he is now like bleh, it's also possible he's feeling a little uncomfortable and need a little space, it could also be that he's acting as he always has but you're tuned into his every move. Me personally, it's hard to really tell simply hearing your side.

 

I'd relax, and wait for him to reach out to you. Contacting him again at this point isn't really necessary.

 

ETA - checking out your post from a few days ago, I'm gonna go ahead and say you are most deffinetely letting your anxiety get the best of you. It's probably going to be a good idea to slow all the way down with engaging in sexual intercourse too soon.

[thorough]

Good for keeping a down low on your anxiety. I've learned from quite a bit of online dating, if I get a feeling that the guy is going cold, pretty much 100% of the time they were. A man who is interested isn't going to take more then a day to text back. Take a step back and move on if he doesn't contact you, him remaking his profile isn't a good sign and looks like he used you for sex. If you want a relationship, wait a tad bit longer before you have sex. If the guys leave, you know they only wanted one thing.

[Clio]

It's his move. Step back and watch. If he doesn't resurface, imo, that's your answer.

 

P.S. Creating a dating profile after you two slept together (if that's the timeline) would be a red flag for me.

[SweetGirl28]

Do you think he deleted it and created a new one in hopes that you would think he wasn't on the site anymore?

He appears to have lost interest in you. Be careful on dating sites, many times people are on there just looking

for casual hookups and move on from one person to the next.

[sky09]

So what happened in your other thread? Did he get back to you eventually? I assume so, since you guys had sex together. May be of no significance, but it's the second time you mention falling asleep on the couch.

[Wiseman2]

It sounds like casual dating. Since the sex didn't work out he may be embarrassed. Also he's leaving for a month. Keep dating and if he contacts you or wants to get together when he gets back, then see how it goes.

The sex was so-so, I think he just had a little to drink. he deleted his bumble profile when we first started talking, but I have since learned he has created and activated a new one. he is going to be leaving for work in week for a whole month

[Chrissy1187]

UPDATE: So it is now Tuesday, I did not hear from him at all yesterday. No calls or texts, however I saw he looked at my snapchat story so I dont know what he is getting at and he has not deleted me on any social media or anything. But I have not reached out to him. The last communcation was Monday at 2:30 when he told me he wouldnt be able to hang out that night but maybe tomorrow (tuesday), but like I said I never heard from him on Tuesday and nothing today so far. I am trying to stay strong and not reach out to him. I've had some friends tell me I could always shoot him a text this afternoon saying "Hey was thinking about you, hope your having a good day!" dont know if I should send this or wait longer. Its just he was pursuing me like crazy now nothing. He has gone a night and whole day with no contact before, but this was not after we had slept together so I dont know what is really going on. I really like this guy and he is leaving in less then a week for a whole month and I kinda want to know what the deal is.. but I guess he does not owe me any explaination. We were having so much fun together and he was introducing me to his friends and making future plans now blehhhh.. should I continue to not reach out or send the text about me thinking about him today or tomorrow? I just dont want him to think Im not interested either or playing a game, but I was the last one to try to hang out with him hence his text about not being able to hang out that night, he said he would let me know about hanging out on Tuesday... but again on repeat no contact..Advice :-)

[SweetGirl28]

Probably not the best idea to contact him again. He's leaving anyway.

I'd go on about life and if he ever contacts you, and you're interested, then reply.

Sorry, I know it's not what you want to hear, but it seems like he lost interest.

[Batya33]

The thing is many people change their minds after three dates and your three dates involved quite a lot of drinking so you didn't really get to know each other in a meaningful way on those three dates. And on top of that the sex wasn't great. I think he's moved on as many people do after only three dates. He might see you again if it's convenient for him but I wouldn't invest more time in him or send him a transparent text that basically says "please ask me out!" You slept with him, suggested other plans -he knows you're highly interested in him. I don't think he pursued you like crazy -it's only three dates - that's not much pursuing at all.

 

Please do not let yourself go there as far as whether he "used" you. You chose to get drunk and you chose the consequences which was a factor in why you stayed over, etc. He told you he was leaving for a month and he never claimed to be only dating you. If casual sex isn't for you, make a different choice next time.