Am I super awful for doing this?

[mmerideth22]

so I had been with my boyfriend for 4 years and I was never really sure that I loved my boyfriend because I was so young (19) when we got together and it just ended up that we continued the relationship, maybe because of habit, but I always felt that something was off. I had this one really close guy friend that I have been bff's with since the age of 7 and we hung out with the approval of my boyfriend and his girlfriend a few times. The one time, the most recent, we had been in tough positions in our relationships and we were both kind of just ranting to one another and had a few drinks along the way and ended up professing our love to one another. I had been in love with this man since the age of 7 and was forbidden to date him by my parents so I never really ever knew how he felt about me and hearing him tell me he has always loved me made me feel more alive than I have ever felt in my relationship. We were leaving the place and he kissed me 2 times and I just was taken by surprise. I think I kissed him back too because It was just so in the moment. We talked until really late about our feelings and how we can't really be with our current people because we figured out this 15 year-long love for one another. After that evening I just contemplated everything and realized how awful i felt and how awful it was to do that, but couldn't tell my boyfriend because it would have killed him so I just ended things and told him I wasn't able to make him happy anymore. Am I an awful person? I really did mess up a lot in telling my old friend how I felt and kissing him back, it was just so in the moment and took me by surprise and I feel so awful about it. Please help!

[Capricorn3]

Did you break up with your boyfriend? If so, it was the right thing to do.

[panther]

You did well by breaking up.

You don't need to tell him all the details of what happened. Keep in mind that he might find out that you left him for someone else, so take some time to think if this might happen, how will he react and if it's better he hears it from you.

[Wiseman2]

Interestingly this is often the first step to cheating. Good you broke up with your guy. Did he break up with his gf?

we had been in tough positions in our relationships and we were both kind of just ranting to one another and had a few drinks along the way

[j.man]

You did the only respectable thing anyone can do in that situation. You spared him the unnecessary feeling of betrayal while cutting things off to make absolutely sure the incident didn't repeat itself. While there's obviously no defending your previous actions, how you chose to follow up on those actions is exponentially more mature than pretty much all the 30+ year olds in your shoes who come onto this forum. Keep your head up. Lessons are meant to be learned, to constructively apply that knowledge moving forward. A festering guilt serves absolutely no purpose.

[jimthzz]

If you'er not in love with the first BF, then breaking up was the right thing to do. Nothing to be gained by informing him of the kiss.

 

BTW, that drunken kiss may end up meaning nada in the grand scheme of things. So it could just be nothing more than something that focused you on how things were with the BF. Be careful with the guy who kissed you. He could have just been seducing you with no more intent than that.