I punched my fiance during an argument

[boltnrun]

Did you spend the last two months trying to get him back? And did you only decide to seek professional help because you weren't successful? Because your seeking help doesn't seem sincere if you're only doing it because you think it will bring him back.

[ThatwasThen]

Batya33, nope there were no other excuses he was looking for. Immediately after the punch, he said it was over and demanded back the ring. I gave it to him.

 

We were already set to get married by April of this year. I feel so horrible. Maybe neither of you nor him might believe me but it's not ever going to happen again.

You don't know that. I bet if we were to ask you if you would ever hit anyone out of anger (before you hit him) you would have told us "no, never."

 

I'm currently searching for anger management sessions near my area. I have no idea where this sudden outburst came from?

 

Is it common for someone with a great upbringing to one time react in that manner? I was never abused at home nor bullied at school.

 

Were you an only child that always got your own way at home or something and when you weren't getting it with him, you reacted out of frustration?

 

Anyway: He did the right thing. If the situation were reversed and he punched you there would be no one here that would tell that woman to give him another chance.

 

Do yourself a favor and take an anger management course or seek out therapy to figure out what made you do such a thing.

[DorothyF87]

I understand and no doubt if the tables were reversed, everyone in my family would be wanting to go after him and all hell would break loose. Everyone would basically make sure I never see him again. I'm not an only child (he is). I have two older sisters who are married and have kids.

 

Sorry it has taken me this long to consider seeking help. Maybe I did initially wanted him to come back, forgive me and really thought this was completely out of my character. I've realized how serious this is and you are all right. I wouldn't have stayed with him if he had hit me. I feel like a total hypocrite even saying this. It was wrong and awful what I did.

[ThatwasThen]

I understand and no doubt if the tables were reversed, everyone in my family would be wanting to go after him and all hell would break loose. Everyone would basically make sure I never see him again. I'm not an only child (he is). I have two older sisters who are married and have kids.

 

Sorry it has taken me this long to consider seeking help. Maybe I did initially wanted him to come back, forgive me and really thought this was completely out of my character. I've realized how serious this is and you are all right. I wouldn't have stayed with him if he had hit me. I feel like a total hypocrite even saying this. It was wrong and awful what I did.

 

Okay, Dorothy... time to forgive yourself and getting therapy and/or anger management courses under your belt will help you to be able to do that.

You've acknowledged your mistake so good on you. There is nothing left to do now but to better yourself and be able to show that you've made tangible efforts to actually never do anything like that again.

[itsallgrand]

Avoiding the concequences of your behaviour was more important to you than taking accountability. Otherwise, you would have reported the assault. You would have encouraged him to go to the hospital and been willing to tell the truth.

For this reason, you still don't get it.

[abitbroken]

I think there might have been a warning issued to me if it had just been a slap, something like ''next time I'm going to leave''.

 

Would you say to someone "the next time you get arrested for drug dealing, i am gone - so let this be the last time!". NO - there are line in the sand dealbreakers. Physical abuse is one of them. Finding out the other person is married and lied that they were single is another. There is no "warning" - it happens - and a HEALTHY person will and should disappear. you shouldn't even HAVE to get any warning. He dodged a bullet and got out in the nick of time.

 

Do not chase him. Do not beg him. leave him be.

 

Get into counseling. And also - as far as anger management - it does talk about trying to behave differently when you are angry, but where it fails is that it doesn't address that you may be angry at something really way off base to be angry about in the first place. (the abuser still tries to control but just stops raising their voice, etc.).

 

You need to improve yourself as a person and maybe someday you will meet someone new when you deserve to do so. No one deserves to be suckerpunched.

[Unreasonable]

Chalk this up as a life lesson, learn from it, and move on.

[Wiseman2]

Nothing comes out of the blue. You were not meant for each other. As you know, assaulting someone is not about anger. It's about wanting power and control. Yes get help. You seem to need insight into this in order to prevent it in the future.

We were arguing for several months about the same issues (managing the bills, his overbearing parents and how to raise kids)

[smJackson]

I know that you are sorry about what happened. We all have done things out of anger and regretted them later. This was a deal breaker for your fiance and he is gone. Please let this be a powerful lesson to you in love and self control. I finally met a man that feels that physical abuse is NOT acceptable. This is the kind of man that I've been praying for all of my life.

 

I used to love a man very deeply; but I could not be with him because he is an abuser. He abused women he claimed to love before me. So it wasn't just me that was the problem. HE had a problem. He choked and strangled me in his living room 45 days into our relationship. I didn't put my hands on him, and i wasn't provoking him, not up in his face, none of that. I was actually sitting down. I was talking loudly to him in a tone of voice he didn't like. And THAT could've got me killed that day and left my 4 kids without a mother. Then he had the audacity to wonder why I hesitated to move in with him. Well, you only tried to kill me?? I chose to go live in a hotel rather than move my young children in under his roof. And later, after he got so angry at me that he called my 3 year old autistic son retarded, I knew I made the right decision. I had saved OUR lives. A man that gets so angry at me, when he can't think NOT anything else to say about me-- who then targets my young children is a man who will KILL my children. We see this in the news daily. I thank God for showing me repeatedly that he was NOT the man for me. His exgf lied to him saying she wanted her kids to go to school in another county because he had busted her eardrum and SHE was afraid to move in with her kids with him too! She did move in with him eventually and got beat regularly, (in her words) while I had no plans to. I am happy to announce that I am getting married in a few months and putting all of that behind me. My abusive ex has a huge house, several cars, boats, etc, while my fiance has a stable job of 10 years but doesn't even own a home. But he offers me the elements of love, respect, honor, and safety-- he would never raise a hand to me or my kids. I can sleep safely at night with him-- something my abusive ex cant ever offer after choking me. I never once spent the night with my ex abuser. I couldn't go to sleep around him because I was too afraid after he choked me.

 

I said all of that to say that we all make mistakes and I admire that you are sorry for your abusive actions. My ex had no remorse for any of his abuse. He blamed us for his choices to be abusive. There is hope for you and you will go on and do some great things, including loving again. I'm sorry that you had to lose this relationship, unfortunately.