I am lost

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My girlfriend and I have been together now for almost 3 years. I love her very much and she loves me as well.

 

I am not the most talkative person you know but I share everything going on in my life with her. She knows things about me that no-one else (including my parents) know.

 

She was married before and is now divorced because her ex cheated on her. I have never been married and enjoy very much the time that we spend together.

 

I have never cheated on her and I have never even contemplated the idea of doing so but she always accuses me of being shady / not clear / not open / being a liar or a cheater....... At least, that is what her behavior makes me feel even if she does not say it openly.

 

I believe she knows everything that is going on in my life but she always thinks I am withholding information so some reasons.

 

She fights me when I work with females and she doesn't know about it. She used to come hangout at my work and got pretty upset when she would see me interacting with other females.

 

She went through my phone one day while I was in a shower and saw that an Ex girlfriend of mine texted me 2 weeks prior and I have not even responded and she fought me really hard about it. she said that I must be doing something and that is why an ex is still texting me.

 

I put a code on my phone, she fought me really hard to give her the code and she randomly ask me for my phone to check. When I refuse, she claim that I must me doing something shady/ not clear again and cries about it.

 

She fought me for turning off the blue check on whatsapp. She fought me really hard when my snapchat score went up. (I don't even know what that means)

 

I was in a pretty dark place in my life where I was broke, could not attend school or work and she volunteered to help me out financially with a loan of $400 but at the moment to actually give me the money, she started saying things like I was not clear/ open with her and that she doesn't know what exactly I am doing when I am not with her. She went on for a long time and I ended up not taking the money and asking her to keep it because what she was accusing me of frustrated me. She cried and begged me to take it and I said No.

 

I am an immigrant to this country and she is a citizen. When I was loosing my status (2 years in the relationship), she agreed to marry me so that we could finally move in together and start building a life together. Right at the moment where I was about to loose my status for real, she started telling me that I was not clear with her and that she can't get married with someone who is not open with her and that she does not know what I am doing when I am not with her. She even said that if I wanted she would help me out as a friend and get married just for me to get a green card and know that this is not for love. (can you imagine your girlfriend of 2 years telling you that?) I told her that it was ok and that I didn't want that and luckily for my, my job sponsored me in getting a green card. It would not have been for that, I would have left the country.

 

If I am late in picking her up to attend an event, she fights me for 3 days minimum even if I explain to her the reason why I was late.

 

When I said that I will rent a place and ask her to move in with me, she got angry because my statement didn't say that we were going to rent a place together. Instead, my statement says that I was going to rent a place and she will move in with me.

 

I am currently struggling to pay my grad school tuition and she volunteered in helping me out but at the last minute, she said that she could have done it if I was clear, open with her.

 

When she calls me anytime and asks me where I am and I tell her that I am with a friend, she gets pretty upset when she does not know who that male friend is.

 

There are many more stuffs that I will not post on here but I am just really lost right now.

 

Every time there is an argument between us and I try to make her see things from my prospective, she accuses me of making her feel like a bad person and cries about it.

 

I love her and she loves me but what do you thing I should do?

[Ziggy123]

Sounds like you both need to work on your communication skills and she needs to work on trusting you, not because you did something wrong but because of her past.

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Thank you for your response. I told her about the trust issue but she said that I did that by not being clear/ open with her and that it is my fault that she feels insecure

[chitown9]

You will become a wimp if you did comply with her requests. There is no way that she can know what you are doing at all time, but that is what she wants. Your girlfriend is just very insecure, and her demands are unreasonable. I think she needs professional help with her insecurities, and if she cannot overcome them, I see no hope for this relationship that you have with her. She is simply unreasonable.:icon_sad:chi

[greta96]

Honestly...and I know this is not what you want to hear - you need to find yourself a different girlfriend, because this one will never change. She has deep rooted issues that won't just magically disappear. Life with her sounds like prison, she has total control over you, which is not healthy and will never make either one of you happy. She has no respect for you (because it is hard to have respect for someone who doesn't stand their own ground), and I have doubts that what she feels for you is genuine love.

It is not your fault that she feels insecure, she is insecure because of past events in her life. Until and unless she works on herself to fix those issues, she will never be the woman you want her to be; and by the sounds of it, she is unaware that she has issues she needs to work on, therefore she will never make an effort to fix them.

Get out while you still can, and whatever you do, do not marry her!

[MissCanuck]

She is not ready for a relationship. She is punishing you for someone else's bad choices and it is toxic behaviour on her part.

 

I am sorry OP, but I have to agree with greta96 that you would be better off ending this relationship. This is very dysfunctional and one-sided.

[Hollyj]

She needs help. Big time!!!

 

I don't know why you put up with this!!!! You should have been done, long ago! She is emotionally abusive!

 

Why have you allowed yourself to become a doormat?

[DanZee]

Your girlfriend is pulling your strings like a puppeteer. She uses the crying and the arguments to control and manipulate you and you don't seem to realize this. She has destroyed your self-esteem and made you her plaything. If you have any self-respect left, then leave this relationship. This is not love.

[Capricorn3]

I can't for the life of me understand WHY you stay with this toxic, dysfunctional, manipulative, controlling and emotionally abusive woman. She is an immature and insecure basket case. Sorry to lay it out that way but you really need to see the full picture for what it is. This is a terrible "relationship" and you should do yourself a huge favor and get out NOW.