if couples go out together for a night should they come home at the same time too?

[Holly6689]

Boyfriend and I have different views, I think if you are a serious couple and go out together you should be going home (back to the same house) together as well, he thinks it is ok for one to stay out longer (e.g. him) and the other (e.g. me) to go home by myself rather than take him away from a good night, and he would do the same for me, but for me if we go out together the night wouldn’t be the same without him and I’d go home when he was no exceptions. I am not comfortable getting a taxi/driving home by myself if we had gone out together to begin with......

Opinions please 🙈

[SherrySher]

In my opinion, your boyfriend should be escorting you home and making sure you got home safe and sound.

 

When two people are in a relationship, they need to think of not only themselves but of each other as well. It wouldn't be right for you to ask him to leave when he is having a good time unless you were sick or very tired and had to work in the morning or something.

 

But if it's a reasonable time and you are wanting to go home, he should be decent and go home with you.

[Giblesp]

Yes, I would be going home with my GF to do the things that couples do. Otherwise, might as well be single.

[Birdie]

Hm, I’m on the other end. I’m not a huge socialite so I’ll often go with my BF to events, but he usually wants to stay later so I’ll head home earlier. Neither of us have an issue with it. He gets to enjoy his fun time and I get to be cozy at home after making an appearance. Why should his night have to end early just because of me?

 

However we live together so I know I’ll see him whenever he gets back and we have lots of time together. But really even if he were to spend the night somewhere, ie a friends couch after drinking, I would be fine with that.

[DancingFool]

Relationships are all give and take and compromise.

 

So it really depends how early you want to leave and how often that happens. Sometimes you need to be willing to stay out longer for his sake. Sometimes he should be willing to leave earlier. In the alternative, what Birdie said, if you want to leave so early all the time that it would constantly curtail his evenings out, then you need to be able to go home by yourself and not turn that into an issue.

 

Instead of trying to impose a quasi curfew on your partner, try to resolve this in a better way OP.

[itsallgrand]

I don't think there's a 'should', just what works for a couple. We don't always go home at the same times, and that works for us.

 

I guess if my partner insisted we always leave together, I might stop agreeing to as many gatherings together and limit it to the ones where there are definite end times. Seems like a needless hassle to me, always having to agree on when to leave. Sometimes one or the other wants to extend things, or go home and chill or get up early, and why not?

 

Why would you be uncomfortable leaving on your own? What's the discomfort about specifically?

[yatsue]

There was only one time I went back by myself and my bf stayed out. He had a work party/event that lasted for nearly a full work day. I was recovering from pneumonia, was tired and couldn't drink because of the meds I was on. So I went back to the hotel his work sponsored. It was a block away.

 

I'm not really a social person either, but I stay out longer with him even though I want to go back. It would be lame if I went back early; it is generally weird to head back early from a party because those friends usually think you don't want to be out with them much, even if that's not the case. It's a courtesy thing IMO.

 

My advice is to just get some coffee (or a red bull vodka) and stay out a bit longer. I do this with friends too because, like I said, I don't want to be rude. The group usually decides when to head back together. Unless you're a parent, that's different.

[IAmFCA]

One solution some couples implement is to go out at different times, so that the more introverted one joins the other for the wrap-up and then the both leave together.

 

Drop the "dream" of courtly behavior, it didn't work in the kings' courts either.

[rosephase]

How old are you? I would be worried about dating an adult who isn't comfortable driving or taking a cab by themselves. What did you do before you had a partner?

[lostandhurt]

Reading your other thread it looks like you had food poisoning the day before and thought you were good to attend the awards ceremony with him but started feeling ill. Instead of him taking you home he called his mother to pick you up.

 

Now if you both saw each other all the time and this was a one off thing I would say he did okay. But you are in a long distance relationship with him, don't see each other very often and he wasn't even up for an award as he was just their to support friends. I would have taken you home myself and helped care for you.

 

If this is a pattern then I would be concerned but if this is the first time and you are upset about it maybe you should let it go unless of course he pulls all kinds of selfish crap all the time then it is a pattern.

 

Hope you feel better

 

Lost

[itsallgrand]

^ oh wow, I didn't catch it was the same person!

[DancingFool]

Reading the other thread, I'm just not ready to hang him dry. I think he did what he could to kind of resolve the issue under the circumstances by entrusting your welfare to his mom, a presumably trusted and reliable person who could probably provide you better assistance than he could anyway, and still meeting his obligations to his friends. I'd assume this was a long planned thing and not something minor. Not like he decided to stay out at some random party and have fun and told you to just go fend for yourself and take yourself home even though you felt sick.

 

That said, I do think that you need to take the depth and level of attachment in this relationship with a large grain of salt. You aren't at a point yet where he will run home with you worried sick about you. He actually treated you like an independent adult that you should be, ensuring your welfare to a point, but not running home fretting over you.

[Holly6689]

Reading the other thread, I'm just not ready to hang him dry. I think he did what he could to kind of resolve the issue under the circumstances by entrusting your welfare to his mom, a presumably trusted and reliable person who could probably provide you better assistance than he could anyway, and still meeting his obligations to his friends. I'd assume this was a long planned thing and not something minor. Not like he decided to stay out at some random party and have fun and told you to just go fend for yourself and take yourself home even though you felt sick.

 

That said, I do think that you need to take the depth and level of attachment in this relationship with a large grain of salt. You aren't at a point yet where he will run home with you worried sick about you. He actually treated you like an independent adult that you should be, ensuring your welfare to a point, but not running home fretting over you.

 

I guess I don’t know what to think, he stayed out until 10AM the next day 🙈

[DancingFool]

I guess I don’t know what to think, he stayed out until 10AM the next day 🙈

 

Well that is a whole separate issue from going home together or not. So you are seeing who he is and how he lives and what he does. So does this work for you? Is this a one off or something he thinks is perfectly normal to do regularly? Something to ask him about calmly and without any kind of arguments. A strictly fact finding mission if you will. This is one of those things with an LDR - you aren't around to see him regularly, but when you are around, there is a lot to take in. Some of it may make you reconsider continuing things and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

 

I think ultimately, if your gut is telling you that what he did was wrong and off and leaves you feeling cold, listen to it. Don't try to rationalize it away. I made that mistake once when I was younger. I was sick, all my friends were concerned, my bf at the time basically said "oh too bad, call me when you are better." and never checked up on me again. I should have dumped him right there and then, but didn't. Lesson learned. He was selfish af and it only got worse from there. I did dump exactly over that later on, but really shouldn't have wasted another minute on him.

[Wolfshook]

I think it depends on many things. One of those things is how you as a couple deal with it. Relationships are about compromises, not about having everything entirely your way.

[lostandhurt]

Gets home at 10 am the next day after you had to leave sick. That is a red flag.

 

Since you are in a LDR and hardly see each other you would think he would want to get home to you as soon as possible. Did he call and check on you? Did he show any concern for you while he was out till the next day?

 

I think you need to take a good hard look at who this guy is and how he lives his life and has lived his life. What kind of friends does he have? Is he selfish? Does he party a lot?

 

Lost

[SherrySher]

I agree, while it was good that he got his mother to make sure you got home, he dropped the ball on not coming home till 10 the next day and leaving you on your own all night.

 

There is no excuse for that in my opinion. If he was responsible and thought of both of you and not just himself, he would have been home that night.

 

Has he apologized?

 

Either way, I think it is definitely something to take notice of, it most definitely could be a red flag.

[Pleasedonot5]

I don't think it's fair to take him away from the fun if you need to turn in early. But then there is chivalry involved too. Idk, you both have good points.