Am I being irrational or over emotional?

[Marshmellow12]

So my husband and I have been together for six years, married for one. My husband was in a 4 year relationship with another woman before me. His sister and her didn’t get along while he was dating her, but then when they broke up his sister suddenly loved the ex and even though the ex moved back to her hometown 4 hours away, his sister and her have remained in contact and post things on each other’s Facebook and text and talk on the phone all the time. This has been going on for six years. I get along with my husband’s sister fine, but it hurts my feelings that she is making such a huge effort to remain in his ex’s life. And today she texted me to let me know she sent the ex gifts for her new baby. Why do I need to know this? I almost feel like she’s rubbing it in my face.

[ThatwasThen]

Did you say: "and I should care, why?" to her?

[DancingFool]

Obviously this woman and his sister are now friends independently of whatever is going on in her brother's life. It happens and it's no concern of yours. Not like your bf is staying friends with his ex. To put it simply, don't create drama where none should exist. Not to mention that this woman is now presumably married with a newborn....good grief OP, know when to let lying dogs sleep.

[Pto29538]

I would think the 2 of them are just perhaps friends . If the sister is nice to you and is friendly to you then I would have no reason to believe that she is mentioning the ex to get at you . I don’t think anyone would be capable of maintaining a friendship for that many years just to annoy another person so I think they may be genuine friends . I would look more inwardly at myself and see what about this ex if anything am I jealous or insecure of .

[j.man]

I mean if she's out of nowhere, first text of the day just letting you know she dropped off gifts for his ex, I can see how it'd be a bit awkward. You hadn't asked what she was up to or anything? Regardless, I personally know anyone who would particularly care. That'd be some serious reaching for something to get upset about.

[abitbroken]

So my husband and I have been together for six years, married for one. My husband was in a 4 year relationship with another woman before me. His sister and her didn’t get along while he was dating her, but then when they broke up his sister suddenly loved the ex and even though the ex moved back to her hometown 4 hours away, his sister and her have remained in contact and post things on each other’s Facebook and text and talk on the phone all the time. This has been going on for six years. I get along with my husband’s sister fine, but it hurts my feelings that she is making such a huge effort to remain in his ex’s life. And today she texted me to let me know she sent the ex gifts for her new baby. Why do I need to know this? I almost feel like she’s rubbing it in my face.

 

If this was 6 years ago, you may have had a valid concern -- but you are going to try to find a problem with your marriage over this? I honestly would block the ex on facebook so you can't see her updates on your sister's wall. Your husband does not contact his ex, right?

[mia500]

Her baby is a huge new chapter in her life, it sounds like she's just really excited. I don't think she's trying to annoy you, but I think she wasn't ready for the sudden not having a sister-in-law change in her life.

[Marshmellow12]

I feel like an idiot. I’ve been crying all night about this. I honestly think it’s jealousy. My husband and I don’t have a perfect marriage (far from it) and I keep having irrational thoughts that if his sister likes the ex better than my husband probably did too. She’s better than me in every way (looks, better family, makes more money, smarter). And I have extremely low self esteem. I don’t really have a family so my husband is all I have and I think I’m just so scared of losing him

[Marshmellow12]

You are right about me being jealous. I’ve been jealous of her since I started dating my husband. We went on our first date 3 days after they broke up. From what he’s told me she treated him really badly and they were always on and off. My husband and I don’t have a perfect marriage (far from it) and I keep having irrational thoughts that if his sister likes the ex better than my husband probably did too. She’s better than me in every way (looks, better family, makes more money, smarter). And I have extremely low self esteem. I don’t really have a family so my husband is all I have and I think I’m just so scared of losing him

[abitbroken]

I feel like an idiot. I’ve been crying all night about this. I honestly think it’s jealousy. My husband and I don’t have a perfect marriage (far from it) and I keep having irrational thoughts that if his sister likes the ex better than my husband probably did too. She’s better than me in every way (looks, better family, makes more money, smarter). And I have extremely low self esteem. I don’t really have a family so my husband is all I have and I think I’m just so scared of losing him

 

Maybe you need to invest in some counseling. Jealousy is a killer. The sister doesn't like the ex more than you - she has a different role. She is a friend, not family. Its obvious that you moved too fast if you jumped in with a guy 3 days after a breakup but it is what it is. The only thing you can do is work on your jealousy - repeat to yourself that he chose you, not her --- and see if you can work on your marriage. working on yourself first is key

[Pleasedonot5]

OP,

 

You acknowledge that you are in a rough spot and have low self-esteem.

 

What are you doing or what can you do to improve yourself in those areas (looks, better family, makes more money, smarter) so you can feel better about yourself?