First Date Tips!

[JustMizz]

Okay, so you all know my struggle with dating.

 

I got bored and made a new POF account last night. Wasn't taking it seriously, but within 5 mins I'm having a fun chat with a guy.

 

He asked me if I'd like to meet for dinner tonight. I know last min isn't ideal, but my daughter is out of town and I had no plans so I accepted the offer.

 

I would like tips on how to make this a successful date. I'm having no expectations, I've already let him know I'm not looking for casual sex, so that won't be an issue and if it happens to come up, I'm saying no.

 

What should we talk about? My biggest problem is conversation starters.

 

All advice welcome!

[kctiger]

As a guy, I truly believe it is our job to lead the conversation. Generally speaking, the first date involves some questions and feeling each other out. Guys good at dating can do this without it coming off as an interview and instead making it look more like a natural dialogue. If you are into him, you'll easily carry the conversation without even noticing. Successful dating is about having no expectations and you already have that mind frame. Go into with an open mind, have fun and enjoy each other's company. If you hit if off, he'll set up another date a few days later. If you aren't feeling him, who care? At least you gave it a shot (same applies to him). I love girls who are confident and can joke back and forth with me. I have found that the more laughter involved in dating, the more fun and attractive it is.

[Starlight925]

I've been on a million first meet dates, and I've gotten probably 80-90% asked out a 2nd time. Here's my secret: Show up looking as cute as you can, but not overly "done". No excessive makeup, hairspray, etc. Smile a lot! Show up on time....this one is so important. I always aim to get there at least 15 minutes early and sit in my car, just to get there right on time. Yes, I've gotten there earlier than the guy before....it's not a big deal either way, as long as you're on time.

 

Conversationally: ask him stuff. Usual stuff: where did you grow up, how many siblings, etc. This usually leads into stories, maybe old family vacation stories, etc. Ask him if he follows the local sports teams, stuff like that. I find that guys usually actually talk a lot more than I do, and I'm a talker! So, listen a lot. Ask him a question, and listen until he's finished with his answer.

 

Have fun! Make sure you thank him at the end of the date. I always offer to split the bill (I know there's a lot of debate on this). Most guys say no, they've got it, but a lot of times, I'll at least offer to leave the tip. My favorite thing that a guy does is, at the end of the date, asking for another one right there! Or texting me later that night to ask me again! If that doesn't happen, I'll text him by the end of the night to thank him again.

 

There are no rules. There's no "you have to wait for him to text you", or "he should pay", etc. There's just you, and your sparkling personality & cute outfit.

[Pleasedonot5]

Ask him about himself! People love talking about themselves.

 

What are his interests, his hobbies, where did he grow up, what does he enjoy the most, what is his intended / current career aspirations, etc. If he opens up on or is passionate about some of those questions, either:

 

1) ask him follow-up questions

2) relate to your own personal experiences.

 

Source: I train people on mingling / small talk at one of my jobs, and consider it one of my strong suits!

[Starlight925]

Ask him about himself! People love talking about themselves.

 

Many years ago, my mom took a temp job as a U.S. Census taker for the extended census, where she had to go into people's homes and ask a huge list of questions. She always said it was the easiest job she ever had, as people's favorite subject is themselves.

 

This is so true!

[JustMizz]

Thanks y'all! This is great stuff. I'm already working on a list of questions to ask.

 

Also, he just said this will be the first date he's been on in a year or so. He's been divorced for 2 years. Is that a bad thing?

[Starlight925]

Thanks y'all! This is great stuff. I'm already working on a list of questions to ask.

 

Also, he just said this will be the first date he's been on in a year or so. He's been divorced for 2 years. Is that a bad thing?

 

Not at all a bad thing! You can be a light into his new single life!

 

The only thing is.....if he hasn't dated at all, he's likely to be nervous, so just follow PleaseDoNot's advice above: ask him questions, and let him talk.

 

Here's the only caveat: Often, when a guy first starts dating after a divorce, they want to test the waters. And test some more, and more.....so the only "bad" thing is that he may realize that single life ain't so bad, and that there are nice women out there. You don't want your heart broken, so don't put too much stock into anything right now. Just go, and have a great time. I was once a newly divorced guy's "life raft" for 2.5 years, until he realized he could "do" single life without me. My problem? I got waist-deep in the water too early with him. Just have fun, and know that he's probably dating others, as he should be....and you should be!

[SweetGirl28]

Thanks y'all! This is great stuff. I'm already working on a list of questions to ask.

 

Also, he just said this will be the first date he's been on in a year or so. He's been divorced for 2 years. Is that a bad thing?

 

No, this is a great thing!!!

 

Two years divorced, first date in a year, means he's not looking for a rebound girl!

Count your blessings!

 

I was recently dumped after a year by a man that had just gotten a divorce after being married for 17 years.

I will keep away from those men from this point forward.

 

Remember this: married? No. Seperated? No. Recent divorce? No has a gf? No recently out of a long term

relationship? No. No, no, no!!!! Lol good luck to you! Have fun!

[Batya33]

What is he interested in -and if so can you read up on it so you can ask good questions? I'd talk about travel, movies/theater, music, and remember you're only responsible for 50% of the conversation. Enjoy the first meet!

[Starlight925]

Remember this: married? No. Seperated? No. Recent divorce? No has a gf? No recently out of a long term

relationship? No. No, no, no!!!!

 

Ahhhhh.....if I were to get a tattoo, this is what it would say! What a great way to simplify this issue!

[AtitAgain]

Thanks y'all! This is great stuff. I'm already working on a list of questions to ask.

 

I would advise from having a fixed list of things to ask. Don't make your date be like a job interview. Just have fun and talk about your interests, find out what his interests are... etc.

[JustMizz]

I would advise from having a fixed list of things to ask. Don't make your date be like a job interview. Just have fun and talk about your interests, find out what his interests are... etc.

 

Oh, it's just a mental list so that I don't completely blank out. Lol

[figureitout23]

Great advice. hope you have a good time and yay for putting your boundaries/expectations out there early. Just remember , try not to reveal your 'issues' with dating. You don't want to give him any reason to think there's something 'wrong' with you, cause there isn't!

[JustMizz]

I just got home. Date went good, no awkward quiet moments. He talks.....a lot. Which is good because I don't unless someone talks to me. Lol

 

He seems really nice and has his life in order as far as job and house, etc.

 

He's not exactly my type, but maybe I need someone who's not my type. I like him enough I'm willing to go on a second date and he's already texting to see when we can go out again. 😁

[figureitout23]

Awesome Miz!

[Pleasedonot5]

I'm so glad your date went well! This was so nice to see 😊

[KantSleep]

Whenever I was not quite certain about someone being "my type", I would generally go on the second date to help try and figure it out. It's good you aren't shutting the door right away. Good luck.

[JustMizz]

Thanks y'all!

 

I really went into this one with a different mindset and felt way more confident since I let my boundaries known beforehand.

[Batya33]

I just got home. Date went good, no awkward quiet moments. He talks.....a lot. Which is good because I don't unless someone talks to me. Lol

 

He seems really nice and has his life in order as far as job and house, etc.

 

He's not exactly my type, but maybe I need someone who's not my type. I like him enough I'm willing to go on a second date and he's already texting to see when we can go out again. 😁

 

I love to hear about positive dating experiences just like this. I'm glad you're going to go on the second date.

[Sportster2005]

I've been on a million first meet dates, and I've gotten probably 80-90% asked out a 2nd time. Here's my secret: Show up looking as cute as you can, but not overly "done". No excessive makeup, hairspray, etc. Smile a lot! Show up on time....this one is so important. I always aim to get there at least 15 minutes early and sit in my car, just to get there right on time. Yes, I've gotten there earlier than the guy before....it's not a big deal either way, as long as you're on time.

 

Conversationally: ask him stuff. Usual stuff: where did you grow up, how many siblings, etc. This usually leads into stories, maybe old family vacation stories, etc. Ask him if he follows the local sports teams, stuff like that. I find that guys usually actually talk a lot more than I do, and I'm a talker! So, listen a lot. Ask him a question, and listen until he's finished with his answer.

 

Have fun! Make sure you thank him at the end of the date. I always offer to split the bill (I know there's a lot of debate on this). Most guys say no, they've got it, but a lot of times, I'll at least offer to leave the tip. My favorite thing that a guy does is, at the end of the date, asking for another one right there! Or texting me later that night to ask me again! If that doesn't happen, I'll text him by the end of the night to thank him again.

 

There are no rules. There's no "you have to wait for him to text you", or "he should pay", etc. There's just you, and your sparkling personality & cute outfit.

 

The only thing I would add, is not to ask questions that can be answered yes or no.

 

Do you like to travel? should be,

If you could travel anywhere in the world where would you go?

 

Do you like music? should be,

What are your favourite bands?

 

And if he asks a question, try not to answer with a yes or a no.

 

Do you like to travel?

I love travelling. I particularly like .... and ..... what about you? Where do you like to travel to?

 

Oh, and pay attention to body language. If he's looking at his watch, and/or looking around the room, he's lost interest. Probably time to call it a night.

[JustMizz]

2nd date is a day date tomorrow.

 

He seems rather smitten. I'm trying to keep a level head. Lol

[figureitout23]

Yes, yes, try not to get ahead of yourself.

 

It's hard, I know. Hope you two have fun.

[JustMizz]

Yes, yes, try not to get ahead of yourself.

 

It's hard, I know. Hope you two have fun.

 

I'm still not sure about him, but I enjoy talking to him and he seems genuine.

 

I think I'll know for sure after tomorrow.

 

I'm planning on enjoying the day!