Mixed messages..pulling away or really just shy or busy?

[Sunny23]

So this guy I have been dating for the past three or so weeks is super sweet when we are together, but over the last few days he's not taken initiative to message me (we normally chat on FB messenger). He has a houseguest so been giving him space, but wrote just to say hi today and he responded with a message about having a guest and a lot on his plate and then immediately sent me a selfie he took of us last weekend of him kissing me on the cheek, which was cute. So safe to assume he's trying to communicate that he's still into me and just busy, right? I say this only because the first few weeks we messaged daily.

[Keyman]

Slow it down a bit. This is a make or break time of the relationship where if he is busy or pulled away a little the other person can get overly needy/clingy, which can send the potential relationship into a nose dive.

 

He's busy at the moment, has given you the reason why. Back off, go do something you enjoy and try not to think about him not contacting you constantly. Then when his houseguest has left, pick it up again.

[BeenThereB4]

Keyman is giving you great advice. He is busy entertaining his friend. The picture he sent is a really good sign. You'll most likely see him again soon enough if you give him his space.

[Sunny23]

So here's some follow-up: I found out he has family in Miami and he's really worried about them, so told him I was there for him in case he needed anything. We chatted a bit over text and he said he felt better as they had evacuated. I ended my last message saying "let's hang out this weekend?" and radio silence. Note that we've hung out together every week for the last three weekends and I am going out of town next weekend so was hoping we would, but now I am really thinking he has lost interest.

 

So hard not to text but I'm bummed and confused.

[Batya33]

No confusion- for whatever reason he is not interested in hanging out with you again or else he would have raised it on his own and made a plan in advance to make sure you'd be free to see him. It's ok they he doesn't want to see you- people change their minds especially early on. Nothing personal. But not confusing. It's pretty clear cut - when a person wants to spend time with you he makes it clear and makes sure to find a good time to plan a date. Anything else is a no. It's only confusing if you keep texting him or try to analyze the "why" - since you didn't offend him don't let your ego get involved if you can help it. Sorry you're disappointed!

[abitbroken]

So here's some follow-up: I found out he has family in Miami and he's really worried about them, so told him I was there for him in case he needed anything. We chatted a bit over text and he said he felt better as they had evacuated. I ended my last message saying "let's hang out this weekend?" and radio silence. Note that we've hung out together every week for the last three weekends and I am going out of town next weekend so was hoping we would, but now I am really thinking he has lost interest.

 

So hard not to text but I'm bummed and confused.

 

but he still has houseguests, right? Just wait for him to message you. When the guests leave, he probably will. If he doesn't ask to see you by the time you come back from your trip - i'd leave him alone. To me, i would think having the houseguests and trying to figure out if his family is okay is taking up his moments.

[RainyCoast]

house guests limit privacy, time and energy at one's disposal. i can't imagine it'd be easy to keep in touch with the usual frequency and content with people demanding some kind of attention and hospitality over.

 

and c'mon....his family? i mean...how would you feel? "they evacuated" may make him feel somewhat better in the sense they're not in immediate danger, but it's really not comfortable at all to think what everyone who had to evacuate will be returning to. i'd be preoccupied as well.

 

i wouldn't immediately assume that he's flaking on you by not responding to your suggestion to meet. putting myself in his shoes, or any similar pair, i'd be inclined to skip an otherwise nice suggestion for the time being for reasons of being temporarily preoccupied or side tracked by something.

 

i think if anything, maybe he felt weird replying to that because you even suggested it, especially if the guests aren't leaving by then yet. it's like you're not hearing he keeps saying he's occupied. maybe he'd have felt weird reiterating it. i'm sure he'll reply somehow, and probably still feel weird about it. sometimes there's the others' "i need" in conversations about your needs. hearing them brings reciprocity and team work, and those are pretty good antidotes to anxiety.

 

relax and learn to postpone having your insecurities appeased through the actions of others. it's okay to want people. it's not okay to place demands on them. and why would you in the first place? it honestly boggles my mind- i mean, try to live with a sense of continuity. you'll both likely still be here in a couple of hours, days. when people matter to you, they're not passing thoughts. objectively speaking, you don't need "proof he still likes you" that often. if you feel you have a good thing....don't you....i dunno...carry that feeling around with you? because if you carry the fear that you could lose it at any moment- that's a chosen thought to entertain as much as the first one. and takes equal effort to sustain and elaborate. maybe remind yourself of that, and the fact that if he were losing interest, it would be unpleasant, but not catastrophic. very few things in life are unbearable, if any.

 

if it is the fact, i'm sure that it'll be noticeable soon, and that it can be accepted as part of life.

 

i doubt you really have the time to sit and think about the time passing between calls and texts, although that is how you could choose to spend it. go do sth fun in the meanwhile. or get errands done or sth

[abitbroken]

and c'mon....his family? i mean...how would you feel? "they evacuated" may make him feel somewhat better in the sense they're not in immediate danger, but it's really not comfortable at all to think what everyone who had to evacuate will be returning to. i'd be preoccupied as well.

 

And in evacuating they might not be reachable. They could be in a school building somewhere with dead cellphones. Just cool off - accept plans with other friends and when he contacts you - go from there. If he never contacts you - move on -- but don't wind yourself up over it. Maybe in a week send him a message that you hope his family is okay and then that's that.