He cheated and "left me" for another woman, but never really left...

[rosie104]

So this is a complicated one. I'll try to explain as best as I can without being too wordy.

 

I work at a Mexican restaurant, which is where I met him. I was 18, and Rob was 23. We hit it off right off the bat and I knew immediately that he was into me. He wanted to date me but I was extremely hesitant because my parents were incredibly strict and would never let me date him. He knew that and I knew that, but he still pursued me. I knew something was off about him when he remarked about being insensitive and cold towards girls. He admitted that he didn't care about me because he barely knew me and if I walked away, he wouldn't care. Me, being the caring girl I am, was determined to make him care. He told me who he was, and I didn't listen. I refused to believe that he was this heartless person when he showed me such a kind side of him. This was a long and hard road. Eventually he became convinced that he was bad for me and tried his damndest to push me away. On my birthday, he slept with two girls and told me. Then asked if I wanted to meet up too. I began ignoring him after that.

 

Rob came to the restaurant every weekend (and would continue to do so for 5 more months) specifically to see me. He hated the food, but liked the drinks and the company. When I wouldn't pick up the phone, he would show up at my workplace to see me. He always acted like nothing ever happened and tried to be cute and touchy with me. He saw me being cold and hurt after the birthday stunt and did a complete 180. I was the unfeeling one this time but he called relentlessly until I finally picked up, apologizing to me and promising he'd change. He even told me that he'd cared all along, but just didn't know how to tell me. This got to me. I was still unsure but I gave him a chance.

 

Eventually I started to fall for his charm and snuck around behind my parents' backs. He took me out to fancy restaurants and made me laugh like no one else could. He doted on me like I was a princess, called me beautiful all the time. He asked me every night how he got so lucky to have someone like me. He said that he didn't deserve me. He told me he fell in love with me, and even gave me my first iPhone. We led a secret love affair for months without telling anyone. He was so charming and I swear that I'd never connected with someone so well in my entire life. He just seemed to GET me. He told me that I'd changed him and that I was the girl of his dreams. I ended up giving him my virginity. So we "dated" for five months and I ended up telling my girlfriends. They were very supportive. It felt good that I didn't have to hide from them.

 

He introduced me to all of his friends and I even managed to sneak away with him to a party. He loved showing me off there. He even wanted me to meet his parents, but I said it was a bad idea. To me, it felt like we weren't seriously dating. We could barely tell anyone.

 

I knew Rob was a special one. He claimed he never cared about anyone. He claimed he never got jealous. I called his bluff but he never let up. Things were going okay towards the end. It was getting harder. He wanted to be with me publicly but my parents would make problems for both of us. They didn't like him at all and were untrusting. I kept it hidden still. He wanted to show me off, and see me without me having to create some elaborate plan. I told him that couldn't happen while I was still living with my parents. Next thing I knew, he went to his second home in Mexico for vacation, met up with his ex-girlfriend and then asked her to come back with him.

 

I don't think I'd ever felt so betrayed in all my life. I was completely heartbroken. I told myself that it was over for good and I wasn't going back this time. The weekend he came back with her, he brought her to the restaurant where I worked. It was cruel. I had to see them together and I fought back tears and to keep my composure. I sent him a nasty text message and he apologized for everything. He said, "I once again realize how bad of a person I am." Next night was mariachi night and I had a favorite song that he'd always loved to play for me when we were dating. I laughed to myself, thinking "what if he played that for her?" Then I shook it off and convinced myself he wouldn't do that. Next thing I know, my song is playing. And they're the only two at the table. I nearly punched him and stormed out. When I confronted him later, he claimed that he "blanked out" when they came up to the table and just said the first song to come to mind--which ended up being mine.

 

After that, he came back tenfold. I found out that the ex knew that we were dating when she hooked up with my boyfriend. I stopped caring and stopped crying. I was tired of feeling like the pitiful young girl and wanted to change that. Feelings weren't really an issue anymore since I'd suppressed them so much. So I hooked up with him again and again and again because it felt good and I just didn't care anymore. I didn't care about hurting his girl because she had hurt me knowingly. When they came to the restaurant, we'd eye each other up and it would make me feel good to know that I still had that effect on him. It was a coincidence one weekend when my family went to the beach and he and his friends went. They set up their towel behind ours. We sexted the whole time and he broke away from her to go swim with me in the ocean or walk on the beach. I loved this rebellious feeling. It was revenge on her and his conscience and sweet victory for me.

 

Sadness turned to anger, which turned to rebellion...and finally, nonchalance. And I didn't talk to him for a week. Him and I have never gone more than a week without talking for the 8 months that we'd known each other. Soon I no longer cared about getting revenge through hooking up, and I began to forget him and branch out my horizons. I always had guys coming to me and he knew I never needed him. It made him slightly insecure to know that I was the girl that everyone wanted, because he knew that if he let me go then someone else would scoop me up quickly.

 

And then he apologized profusely. He got drunk one night and called me, pouring his heart out to me. I could hear the emotion in his voice. He told me that he loved me and he only left me because it was easier with his ex. It got to him that we couldn't do anything and he said it was too hard. He said that he tried to make me hate him because then it would have been easier for me to walk away, but he didn't want me to leave. He called me his little bag of heroin and said that he was so in love with me that it was like an addiction. No matter what, he'd always come back for me. I told him about the boy that I was talking to and he got upset. His voice cracked and he said, "I feel like I'm losing you and it scares me. I don't know what I'd do without you." Which is grand considering that he pushed me away so hard that any girl in her right mind would have run for the hills. He got jealous and acknowledged it, which was a complete first. He said that I was special, that I accepted him and that I fought for him, which no other girl had ever done. His ex is leaving soon to go back to Mexico. He asked that once she's gone, if we could possibly go back to the way things used to be. I balked at the idea, said no and he sounded crushed. I've always been weak for him, having an immense Achilles heel in his presence. But I can only take so much.

 

Part of me still loves him, but part of me still despises him for what he did. I don't care as much anymore. He tells me he loves me so much, more than he ever anticipated or wished to. He told me he wished that he could just leave me but he can't. It doesn't hurt anymore when I talk to him. He stopped bringing her around because he doesn't wish to hurt me. He said that if I wanted him to leave, then he'd respect my decision and he'd understand. But I never told him to leave. And for some reason, I don't really want him to. Am I crazy?

 

If he doesn't text me or show up at the restaurant, then so be it. He knows that if he's out of sight and out of mind for too long, then I'll move on and forget him. Which is why he never goes more than a week without reaching out to me in some way. Sometimes it gets lonely and I miss our talks. I know I have the upper hand and a huge part of me still likes talking to him. Our connection is still there and over everything, he was one of my best friends. He'd had messed up relationships in the past, which left him scarred. What should I do? I know I don't want a relationship again after what he did...but should I believe him when he tells me he loves me and cares about me still?

 

I've never met anyone like him. I'm confused and I don't know what to do with this mess.

[SherrySher]

He dropped you and took up with his ex gf when she came back around and used you on the side. Then she left and he now wants to see if you will come back around.

 

You were second choice and he is a total jerk, why on earth would you even consider him? He is a fast talker and tells you what you want to hear but he is a liar, manipulator and cheater.

 

Do yourself a favor and find a decent man, this isn't one. I can see him having an STD as some point on top of everything else, (or everyone else).

[Knight2001]

dont go back to this man. get out now. you're wasting your time with him.

[MissCanuck]

He is manipulating you and playing you for a fool, OP. This isn't love and he's pulling all the classic player moves, with some added "boo hoo, woe is me!" tossed in to convince you he's for real.

 

But he's not. Take it from those of us older and more experienced with clowns like him. He doesn't care about you; he cares about himself. Can't you see he's setting it all up to make himself feel good? He loves knowing you and this other girl are essentially fighting over him. You and she are both playing right into his games. What you think of as revenge actually only showed him he can totally mistreat and disrespect you and you'll come running back anyway. You don't hold the power here - he does. Notice how now he's pulling out all the stops because she's leaving? That's all you need to know to understand what his motives really are.

 

What you had with him was a fling and fun and thrilling for a few months, but do not mistake it for love. He doesn't treat you the way a boyfriend should. He thinks he's some hot manure, and he's yanking on your heart strings. It doesn't matter if he's been hurt by other girls. That does not give any reason to turn around and treat you the way he has.

 

Seriously. Demand more for yourself and forget this bottom-feeding jerk. You're in for a world of pain if you don't.

[Hollyj]

He is a jerk and a player. He showed you who he was in beginning, yet you completely ignored,

 

He does not respect or love you. Be done. Block and delete. Don't ALLOW people to treat you like this!

 

I cannot believe you slept with him again. Where is your self respect????

[Hollyj]

" So I hooked up with him again and again and again because it felt good and I just didn't care anymore. I didn't care about hurting his girl because she had hurt me knowingly. When they came to the restaurant, we'd eye each other up and it would make me feel good to know that I still had that effect on him. It was a coincidence one weekend when my family went to the beach and he and his friends went. They set up their towel behind ours. We sexted the whole time and he broke away from her to go swim with me in the ocean or walk on the beach. I loved this rebellious feeling. It was revenge on her and his conscience and sweet victory for me. "

 

This is very sad. How in the world could you think that you were getting revenge or coming out on top? This guy was making you both look like fools. But, you were also making yourself out to be a fool If you valued yourself, you would have been done with this creep long ago.

 

If you are going to school, please get counseling, as you need to address a complete lack of self respect.