Not doing well in the dating department

[nietzo]

I am 22 and I never had a bf before or ever dated. Guys never approach me for dates and never even approach me even for sex (so I guess that makes me a virgin also). I am also never hit on by guys or had a guy say he wants my number. I am 5'4 and weigh 125 lbs, so I am in good shape. I don't really go to bars or clubs but I do go to grocery stores, coffee shops, restaurants, and malls. Once in a blue moon, a guy will check me out but it really doesn't happen that often. I keep asking myself what is wrong with me? Why am I doing so poorly in the dating and love world. I literally feel forever alone and that I won't find anyone. Can someone give me any advice?

[DanZee]

Well, back in the Dark Ages when I was in college, some of the girls were going to assertiveness training classes where women learned how to talked to men and not be afraid to tell them either to get lost or ask them if they would like to go out on a date. When I was graduating, I ran into a friend who was near tears saying in four years of college, no one had asked her out. Why didn't she ask someone out? What happened to this movement? I've only had two girls ever ask me out in my life (and I married one) so it shows the power that women have in simply being the one to a the man out.

 

Since you go to grocery stores, coffee shows, etc., why don't you be the one to break the ice? Go up to a guy and ask him a question, any question. In a coffee shop, ask if you can sit down at his table and you can be direct and say, hey, are you single? You'll be off and running. Or in a mall, you can ask a guy where such-and-such a store is or where the women's department is, and don't be surprised if they escort you over, giving you the opportunity to talk to them. Make it a game, even if you're shy, and see what happens. I always advise to go up to quiet, shy guys and ask them out. You will usually find the smart, sensitive ones that way. They say still waters run deep. Guys will be flattered to even talk to you.

[WhiteLotus]

I second what DanZee said. I was also the sort of girl who didn't get approached by guys very often, and I was rather shy and introverted when I was younger. But I met my husband because I was the one to initiate a conversation. It was really scary to approach a total stranger like that. But, after we had been dating a while, I found out that he wanted to talk to me before I started talking to him, but he was too nervous to approach me because he thought I was out of his league! Guys face rejection from girls all the time; although it stings a little bit, you never know what opportunities you're missing if you don't try. Best of luck to you!

[Krankor]

Have you ever tried OLD?

 

I have a theory that men have started approaching women less because they sort of no longer have to; at least not in person. Why risk public humilation and in-person rejection when the game can now be played at home behind the computer or holding your phone without the risk of any real status loss? Why approach a random stranger who for all you know may be in a relationship or a lesbian or may have some other reason why she isn't looking to date when ostensibly all your matches on a dating app are single and ready to mingle?

 

So, try OLD is what I'm saying.

 

Also, make sure you are presenting the best rendition of yourself you can. You are apparently in good shape; that's good, but it is just part of the equation. Find the right hairstyle for you, find the right colors that flatter you, etc.

[purplebyr]

I find nothing wrong with you.

But may be you can start join some community for your hobbies or what so you can add more healthy friends from there which may be can developed into more.

 

Being virgin could be something better than being attached with someone because of sex. Nothing wrong is you so become more confident. Just try to talk to people more. Wherever you go, be friendly.

 

I sometime hope if I never have a relationship with someone may be I have a good shape of heart to love someone fully again but being hurt is also good so I know how to love someone in right term.

 

Try to be more fun, learn about how to friendly with people and also flirting with them, joking and so on. Learn to know yourself more, about your badness and try to improve in it. And enhance your goodness. I do believe you can get someone that important in your life and also treat you as an important person.

 

Just become more open. Good luck.

[lostandhurt]

The cold walk up to a woman is super tough for most guys. We know absolutely nothing about you other than we think you are attractive. I have done it over the years and have had several women walk up and start talking to me and ask me for my number so I kinda of know what it is like on both sides.

 

This is not a condemnation of you but perhaps you don't seem approachable. I ran into a woman I went to high school with and we chatted for a while. I told her I always thought she was so pretty and wanted to ask for her number but never did. She told me that she has bumped into several guys from school and heard the same thing. She lamented that she was only asked out once all through school and he was a cocky jerk. She actually thought something was wrong with her too when in reality she was shy but super pretty and us guys were to chicken to talk to her.

 

If you try online dating use a paid site not a free one. Match.com or something similar is your best bet. You can ask for help on the forum on how to make a great profile to attract the right kind of guy and also avoid the wrong kinds...

 

So don't give up on meeting in real life but supplement that with online dating too. Also being a virgin and not very experienced in dating is not a bad thing at all but you need to be cautious and take your time getting to know someone.

 

Lost

[thealchemist]

Guys have never approached or hit on my wife. She is very attractive but her personality dissuades them. Don't take it personal. I never hit on her either. I very politely asked her out because I found out she wanted a relationship and liked her.

 

I find that she might not get near as much attention as other girls in her attractiveness "bracket" but she is also a lot happier than most. A lot of things that cause a guy to "hit" on a girl isn't something I would think of as a compliment.

[sabishisa]

I feel your pain sister!

I was in absolutely the same position only a few years back. So believe me, when I say: there is hope!

So for starters: NOONE gets approached in coffee shops or restaurants (at least where I live) that only happens in movies and on the internet (sorry to all the exceptions out there

So, I can recommend online dating as well, though I don't agree much with the paying part. Always seemed a bit exaggerated at our young age. When meeting up take the necessary precautions though.

 

Generally though:

- LOOK at people. Make eye contact. stare them down. It may need a bit training before you can pull it off without being creepy but it is worth it.

- smile. contrary to popular opinion this doesn't work for every girl. I don't know your type but generally, it is a good idea.

- confidence. Don't care how and where you get it from (I surprisingly found that cutting my hair off did the trick) but do get confident! It comes all down to this. While this will make you instantly more attractive and approachable it will also enable you to approach someone.

 

Don't get dishearted if it doesn't work right away! It's a process that takes some time

 

Hope you can do with this few tricks!

all the best

 

p.s. It would also seem helpful to your cause if you'd figure out what you actually want from a guy: is just sex fine, or should it be a relationship?