If my ex's mom messages me asking me how I'm doing, should I be honest?

[Jamie242]

My ex's family and I still have a good relationship, it's been 3 months since we broke up and I'm still madly in love with her. After her daughter broke up with me over text (after 4 years of being together and living with each other for more then half of that). Me and her mom ended up going for coffee a month after to catch up and to just talk. It got emotional, cause I'm able to be like that with her and she can with me. So I'm just curious to know if it's a good to tell her that I'm worse then I was when I last saw her or do I lie to her and say I'm fine and dandy?

 

Thanks for you opinions

[MissCanuck]

No. I would simply tell her that you're taking things a day at a time and some days are better than others. Full stop.

 

I would not be totally open with her, because while I'm sure she cares about you, she needs to cut that cord too. Being your shoulder to cry on (for lack of a better term) is not really appropriate anymore. You two will need to start drawing the boundaries somewhere sooner or later, and this would be a good opportunity to do it.

[Mari]

You should be honest. Your relationship with your ex's mom doesn't have to do anything with your ex. Parents can have kids that suck. Please don't punish the parent because the kid wasn't that great. You can continue with her as you did before.

 

Sometimes you get to know someone and find someone else they're related to or friends with that you also get along with. Just because the initial person is gone it doesn't mean you have to blow away all relationships connected to that person.

[pippy longstocking]

I think you should break contact with her mother , I wouldn't be happy if an ex was meeting up for coffee with my mother .

 

I admit I am making assumptions but I think you want her to tell the daughter how upset you are as a way back in .

[journeynow]

So I'm just curious to know if it's a good to tell her that I'm worse then I was when I last saw her or do I lie to her and say I'm fine and dandy?

 

Neither. There are other options between those 2 ends of the spectrum.

 

Be considerate of her, and of your ex.

 

As MissCanuck suggested, you can simply say "I'm taking things a day at a time." Which is true. Thank them, and then switch the subject. Don't be rude, but don't dwell on the break up with them.

 

If you need to talk to someone about the difficult emotions, perhaps a therapist or close friend is better than family members on either side.

[ThatwasThen]

Do your best to do the fade on your ex's mother. Its likely unintentional but by meeting up with you and asking you how you're doing, she's stagnating you from being able to actually move on so that you get to the stage of indifference to your ex. You won't be motivated to find someone else as long as you're stuck in heart and mind on her.

[catfeeder]

Ex is likely to view any convo with her Mom as manipulative, so I'd skip it. Grab your best dignity and make it a private goal to surprise everyone, including yourself, with your resilience and ability to move forward and create a great life for yourself.

[abitbroken]

I think you should break contact with her mother , I wouldn't be happy if an ex was meeting up for coffee with my mother .

 

I admit I am making assumptions but I think you want her to tell the daughter how upset you are as a way back in .

 

I agree with Pippy 100% here. You need to not tell the mom how you are doing. You are broken up. And someday you will be close with the family of someone new.

I don't think you owe her an update. I think you should stop communicating and tell her that while you appreciate the concern, you don't think its appropriate to talk to her anymore.