Is my boyfriend abusive?

[11ajayne]

He ended up snatching my phone off me and my headphones like 10 times , I tried to get out of his house and he trapped me with his leg first, he blocked the door physically and grabbed me to stop me , he then hid the key so he controlled what I was doing . Obviously he didn't let me leave and took my phone I just wanted to go sleep as it was 4am in the morning and he kept saying he wanted to talk (in reality argue ), so i locked myself in his bathroom and he made it so the door didn't break but he banged it so the lock came undone, he basically made me come out and later he tried grabbing me from where I was to come near me which obviously hurt me , he later grabbed my neck aswell for about two seconds but still so obviously I started crying, and he's like ' I didn't mean to hurt you ' and 'it didn't leave any mark' as if that makes everything okay

[mrsolodolo]

Yes, without a doubt this is abuse. It's all about controlling you.

 

He needs to understand that what he has done is not ok. He needs to realise this is abuse. If he does not accept this, then he will do it again and again and I don't doubt for one moment that it will get worse over time.

 

Write him an email. Explain to him that it scared you and that you will never let that happen again. Tell him he needs to speak to someone about this kind of behaviour. It's important he accepts it for what it is.

[AlexLee]

Yes he is abusive, he may have said he didn't mean to hurt you but he clearly knew his actions would hurt you regardless of how long his hand was around your neck.

 

He knew it would hurt you, and he did it anyway. It's up to you how you handle the situation, but you don't want to be with someone like that.

[yatsue]

Yes. This type of abuse is called manhandling. When you say he grabbed your neck, was it to strangle you or to lead you by the back of the neck somewhere? Depending, it could classify as assault.

 

In any case, this is not good. At the very least you need a strong talk with him about how this was completely not okay. You deserve a breather or to even leave during an argument, if you feel it need be. It eases the tension and helps both parties reach a calmer state of mind. Not to mention preventing abuse.

[j.man]

I'm trying to wrap my mind around how this is something that just happens at 4:00am. Is the guy legit nuts? He just looks at the clock and says, "Welp, time to pull her headphones out?" Also, were you drunk when you tried to leave the house and drive off? That's the only reason I can think to block someone's egress, and even that pretty fast gets to the point where you just gotta call the cops and hope they get to them first. Otherwise, obviously that's straight up false imprisonment on his part. And assuming you're not flailing about in the bathroom, of course it's ridiculous for him to kick the lock out.

 

Don't go back to this man. Even if there were some context to vaguely empathize with him in this situation, this is obviously something you just bounce back from.

[Seraphim]

You betcha, get out of that relationship before you end up dead.

[11ajayne]

I genuinely called a taxi to his at 2 am because my sleeping pattern was messed up from something that happened the night before, just for cuddles and while I was on the phone to him planning this , my sister was in the background and asked who was on the phone. He got paranoid asking who else it could be (thinking I'm cheating which I would never do). It went from there

[11ajayne]

Also I was not drunk I honestly just wanted to go home and leave but he just stopped me.

[j.man]

I genuinely called a taxi to his at 2 am because my sleeping pattern was messed up from something that happened the night before, just for cuddles and while I was on the phone to him planning this , my sister was in the background and asked who was on the phone. He got paranoid asking who else it could be (thinking I'm cheating which I would never do). It went from there

I can't follow this.

 

Regardless, he should have let you leave and barring some life or death battle, there's no reason to put your hands on someone's neck. Let it go. Don't talk to him. It's over. Spare yourself the bruises.

[Hollyj]

You need to get away from this guy. No need to tell an abuser he hurt you, Just end it.

 

This is the guy who is still in love with his ex?

[MissCanuck]

Yes, this is abusive.

 

Next move: end this relationship.