I am 20 years old...

[OneConfusedGuy]

I am 20 years old and have never had a girlfriend. I've tried and tried but for some reason I cant seem to find a girl that I can relate to enough. What's going on?

[lonelygrl]

Sometimes when you look too hard for something you can miss it . Just hang out, go places. Don't actively look for a girl, the moment you stop looking, she will find you. At least that is what I have learned from my experience. Hang in there, she is out there, just wait and see.

[shmity72]

take that other persons advice. it will happen. write a poem about your future love, post it on your fridge. be nice to people and they will warm up.

[whitefang]

I sent you a pm

 

- whitefang

[Day_Walker]

It can take time to find a kind of girl that you can relate to. At this point you are still young and I wouldnt worry about having a gf instead, just have fun, there are plenty of time for gfs.

[lillady898]

Yeah, I agree. Things will happen when you least expect it. My brother is nearly 21 and has only had one girlfriend. He's very selective when it comes to girls. He's a really awesome guy. Girls just love him, he's so outgoing and friendly. It has nothing to do with him personally that he doesn't have many girlfriends. Some people would just rather choose quality over quantity, which it sounds like you're doing in how you're not jumping at chances with the wrong girls. It's necessarily a bad thing unless you're being overly selective and forget that not everyone is perfect. I wouldn't worry though. Dating should be fun at such a young age. I myself wouldn't ask for it any other way.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Just thank your lucky stars that you are only 20 and not 32 with no girlfriend ever to speak of, like me.

[Cool Lemonade]

I was in a certain area and he/she started a conversation with me, after a while of learn about each other, we realized that on important issues we did not have some things in common. Even if you do not find your soul mate or connection with someone else right now, you can choose to occupy your time with doing things you enjoy with others that will like the same things. So possibly you can hang out or become apart of certain activities, where the major are girls and you all will be involved in something that is interesting.

[Riley]

Hey Guy.... nothing is wrong with that. Im in a similar boat. I meet cool people but i dont feel comfy with them or something about them bothers me... theres nothing wrong with being selective. Most people i know would rather date a guy who is selective rather than a guy that will bang anything walking.. You will find someone you really connect with just smile, keep your head up and mingle.....

[CrazyKing]

Well, it ain't hard to find a girl - just get somewhere where girls with the same interests as you hang out, but you should not go into some workshop and declare that you're just there because of the girls... Nope, enjoy your time and develop your talents!!!

 

And then there's a new problem that appears in most cases - after you've found a girl with the same interests, you should always show her that you're an interesting person... Dunno why, but I was never able to get much further with all the girls I've met, just because I'm unable to give them a permanent interest in me... Doh!

 

Just try some workshop, theater club or music club, single bar/cafe, there are 1000s of possibilities to meet girls...

[OneConfusedGuy]

Thanks everyone! It's funny, I want to not look for a girl friend... but getting one is like that feeling you get when you were a kid when christmas was close. You want santa to come now but you just have to wait =) Waiting I supposed is the thing to do, but it's hard not to think about having someone to enjoy listening to, someone who I want to know what they did that day, someone to relax with, someone to lay next to and cuddle, someone to lay in the grass with look up at the stars and wonder, someone to take a road trip with, someone to sing our favorite songs with, someone to watch the sunset with, someone to watch the sunrise with, someone to laugh with, someone to cry with, someone to have passionate sex with, someone who loves you for who you are... I want someone to love. I feel this way all the time, but never show it. I've been provoked to, but never have... WHY?? It drives off the wall so much that I hold back. I've had some of the most beautiful women come up to me and want to have a normal conversation, be my friend, but it always ends up with me looking uninterested or boring. I can feel something is immanent but I am blinded. When will THAT day come?

[ShySoul]

And for about 6 years of my life I thought about only her...I have nothing, I have feelings of inadequacy, feels of self-pity, I'm scared.

 

There's your problem. You let yourself hold up hope for this girl even when it clearly wasn't going to happen. Now you are so down on yourself that you are probably sabotaging any chance before it happens. It's your attitude.

 

The attitude, it will happen when the time is right works when you belief in yourself and are open to all possiblilities. You weren't opening yourself to those possiblilites and probably missed out on a bunch. But its never to late. Yes, love is precious. Which is why its better to not have it until your 35 or 40 then to give in and go out with someone because your afraid of being alone.

[ShySoul]

Hey, I know where your coming from. Until this year I had zero women showing interest in me. And I've been around more females then males. But then one girl showed an interest in me and recently I have several girls showing an interest. I think it isn't that there were no possibilites, its just that we didn't read them correctly or were too blind to see. It took one person to open my eyes and see that possiblities were all around me. I just had to go and take advantage of them. Also, even if no one was noticing you, you had to have noticed a few girls. Did you take a chance and ask them out?

 

No one is ugly. The only time someone is ugly is when they have an ugly attitude. So mister, drop that attitude and pick yourself up. You want to hear a story. I looked for the ugliest guy in the world. Finally had a friend find him and had to put a towel around his face to avoid looking at it. Had a bunch of friends come and look at him. They all fainted. I finally peeked at his face, the ugliest guy in the world fainted looking at me.

 

Ok, did that make you laugh? Good, keep laughing. When you can have a sense of humor about this stuff and see that you aren't ugly, that is attractive.

 

Ignore anyone who says no one likes you. They are being jerks who are putting you down to hide there own insecurities. They are the ones people don't like.

 

Money isn't everything. If your not happy with your job, its not worth being miserable. As long as you can support yourself, follow your heart and do what is best for you.

 

About dying young, your not your father. You are you. What happened to him doesn't mean it will happen to you. People can die at anytime, which is all the more reason to live each day as though its your last. Don't be afriad of starting a relationship. Even if its short lived, be glad for every second you did have together.

 

And your notes aren't stupid, they are how you feel. It's good to express yourself like this.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

You sound exactly like me, and the way you expressed yourself echoes my frustration. However, you said a couple of things that, unfortunately, reveal that a part of it, just a part of it, is your own doing, as with me.

 

 

I definitely wouldn't call them idiots because that offends a lot of people here on the site. I do however agree with you to disagree. Those lines work for a few people.All of this is being said by those who have found someone, and maybe a trickle of people who have yet to find someone but are not miserable by it. If someone is over 30 years old and feels that if we, "Just wait, it will happen", "It will happen when you least expect it", "just do things normally, you'll find someone", "don't worry, you are still young"... please step up.

 

Basically what I am saying to OneConfusedGuy is that 20 is still too young to worry, just go out and do something about it because if you sit and wait, next thing you'll know, you'll be 30. And trust me, it's the pits!

[darkblue]

I believe you'll never find it if you are determined to look for it.

 

You can only ever find the perfect person for you; if you aren't looking for them.

[arrowbee]

I believe the key to improvement is to freshen up your life by make broad, sweeping changes to it.

 

I made one such change last year - I started exercising. As a result it boosted my self-confidence a little. After three months of exercise, I began to get dates. (That was over a year ago and I still haven't had a 'relationship' yet but at least I've crossed the no-dates barrier.)

 

Here are some such changes I plan to undertake before the end of the summer:

-get a job

-start learning to drive

-get some karate lessons

-get that sinus surgery my doctor keeps telling me i need (this will improve the quality of my voice and help my fitness)

-move accross town into my friend's house (it's a "party house"!)

 

Thing of a broad change that you can make, and that you would LIKE to make, and go for it. Nobody can tell you what that change is. You have to decide.

 

arrowbee out!

[lillady898]

You should learn to make yourself happy, rather than waiting to rely on someone else to make you happy. Otherwise, when you do get in a relationship, you'll be in fear of losing your significant other, since it would be like losing your own happiness all at the same time. This would be a fear so strong you could possibly drive her or him away because of your insecurities. Now, even if you were to get in a relationship with someone, how healthy would that relationship be?

 

(Directed towards the comment about he can't love himself because noone will love him, and he can't love someone else because he can't love himself. Learn to love yourself.)

 

You are the only one holding you back from anything.

[thewriterslife]

This is funny because I had to look at your profile to make sure it wasn't my own son posting!

 

My son is 22 and has never had a real date either. The last girl that he thought was a potential girlfriend dumped him mercilessly and he's quite gun shy at this point.

 

At least you want to get out there...I wonder about my son sometimes...lol.

 

What I would advice you to do is to chill and stop worrying about it. Twenty is still young and if you look at the young women and men out there today, they hang out in groups instead of dating anyway.

 

Pursue your passions. What is it that gives you pleasure, makes you smile and takes up a good bit of your worrying time? Do it again. You will find that when you do this, your soul mate will appear right in front of you.

 

Hope this helps!

[Carnatic]

There are lots of us in this situation here, and many of us could be single through having high standards. When I look around and see that all my mates are getting girlfriends I realise that very few of these girl, if they were single, I would be attracted to. Maybe you and I are too concerned with finding the girls of our dreams as opposed to just finding a girl.

 

On another note, I wouldn't spend too much time reading into what people say on here, none of us know you, for all we know it could be a complete mystery that you haven't got girls swarming all over you. So just go out, find groups you share interests with, and start believing that there is every reason for girls to be interested in you, look for the signs and imagine what they might think of you.

[OneConfusedGuy]

Thanks guys, I do appreciate it. I met someone last week actually!!! We arent "going out" but she's a good friend. I hope we keep a strong relationship.

[easyguy]

Hey, congratulations! Glad you met someone. Relationships creep up on you when you least expect it. Good luck with that.

 

At 18, I'm still waiting to meet that special someone.

[corvidae]

I'm 26 and have never had a girlfriend. Go figure! I think, and this is something it took me a while to learn, that you need to learn to be happy with your life and not spend your time wishing for things that may never come. The sad fact is a lot of men have little or no relationships in their lives, but it doesn't mean you can't enjoy other aspects of life. Being a good person and not getting caught up in your own misery is very important

[Shinobie]

Hmm corvidae u look like the type of guy that would attract a girl right away dude.Good luck man i hope u find someone i bet there ar eplenty of women out there for you.