i am having trouble dealing with this break up

[Lolkid45]

please continue reading until the end. I'm young, a 17 year old girl. My boyfriend is 19. I have a goal to marry him. And he has the same goal to marry me. He is my best friend. He makes me laugh more than anyone else. I feel such calm and inner peace around him. Oh, I can't even describe it. He makes me so happy. But sadly, our relationship can be toxic sometimes for the both of us. We both have really bad tempers and fight badly. Last year was his first year in college. It was hard for us to stay together because we were apart and fought so much, so we broke up (worst 3 months, I became depressed). I wasn't myself when we broke up. I stopped doing hobbies I enjoyed. I was sad all the time. It was horrible. We got back together this summer (around may). And everything went back to normal. I was happy again we fought yeah, and every fight was hard but it brought us closer. if anything, this summer had been better with him than ever before. He has so many reptiles, that he also considers mine. I care for them just as much as he does. I make him go shopping with me. He takes me everywhere with him. We're young and passionate. He tells me his future goals all the time. Maybe I'm stupid... but I could have sworn this man loves me with all of his heart. I know we fight badly and over dumb things but we stay together. We've been through a lot... cheating and everything. Family problems. Everything together. Like I said earlier, he is my BEST FRIEND. But today he broke up with me. It was over something so small...I don't know what to do. I don't understand why he did it. Maybe he's just overreacting but im SO hurt. Just yesterday I caught him admiring me across the room. I could feel how much he loved me just yesterday. So why did this happen. I mean if I could make a guess I would say he's just overreacting and we'll be back together but I'm really hurt 😞 Something about this fight seems different. I hate fighting and breaking up. I hate it. I love this man but I hate how we fight. Sometimes I contemplate hurting myself because I think of how my life would be without my best friend... I've been through it before. It's horrible. I can't be away from him. I want to be happy but I can't when this happens. What do I do... I know some may say "you're young just break up" but I have goals to marry him. If only there is just something I can do. Like what do i say to him right now... in the beginning of the relationship when we were just a plain old couple, fighting didn't hurt so much. But now that I feel so close with him, I am able to be myself around him... it just hurts so much worse. What do I do

[nutbrownhare]

Sorry, sweetie, but if he's already broken up with you... then the advice

"you're young just break up"

doesn't really apply. You haven't any choice in the matter.

 

You are both still very young, and are changing and maturing at different rates, and this is even more likely to happen if one of you is away at college and one of you isn't. While I DO know adults who are still with the same person they were with at 17, they are very few and far between, and it would be much better for you to have life goals which didn't centre around him. Healthy relationships, the ones which are likely to last a long time, don't consist of a constant diet of fights and arguments.

 

The best thing for you to do right now is to surround yourself with people who care about you, and have a good cry to get everything out of your system. Cut all contact with him, don't talk to him or plead with him and do your best to move on with your own life. If you feel like harming yourself, see a counsellor or seek help some other way - don't just suffer in silence.

 

(((HUGS)))

[DanZee]

It's not a good sign that you're fighting all the time with him. How will you deal with REAL issues if you moved in with each other? Right now, I might be inclined to blame it on immaturity. But it may develop into a pattern of breaking up, making up, breaking up, and so on. That's not a happy relationship. It might be time to move on.

[MissCanuck]

This needs to end for your own well-being, OP.

 

Fighting all the time and cheating (he cheated, I presume?) does not bring a couple closer. It rips them apart. Those are very strong indications its not working.

 

Also, you indicating you will harm yourself if you don't have him in your life is extremely troubling. It indicates that you lack balance in your life and have a very unhealthy attachment to this person. Do you have someone you can talk to about this? You need some very solid guidance in learning how to cope with painful emotions. Self-harm will not make it better. There also isn't something you can just say to him to make this all go away.

 

Unfortunately, the likelihood that this would have resulted in marriage is very, very slim. I know you don't want to hear that, but these days very few couples that started dating as teens remain together forever. You have so much life ahead of you, so many new experiences to enjoy and new people to meet. This boy is not The One. There is a bright future ahead of you if you let go of what's clearly not a good relationship.

[Darryn]

As a guy and also going through a difficult break up she was also my best friend but when we fought it got ugly. Let me say this that if you ignore him and show him you can carry on without it, it will leave him to wonder for a while and eventually he will start missing you. Every couple that break up there is either the guy or the girl that want the other to beg and grovel it makes them feel like they can take you back at anytime they want and they have the power, take that away and they will soon start missing you and try see if you want to still make things work

 

Just as a guys advice because my ex i have been trying and trying with my ex fiance after seeing that she is doing her own thing and she has also took comfort in another guy

[jakeg1718]

As a guy and also going through a difficult break up she was also my best friend but when we fought it got ugly. Let me say this that if you ignore him and show him you can carry on without it, it will leave him to wonder for a while and eventually he will start missing you. Every couple that break up there is either the guy or the girl that want the other to beg and grovel it makes them feel like they can take you back at anytime they want and they have the power, take that away and they will soon start missing you and try see if you want to still make things work

 

Just as a guys advice because my ex i have been trying and trying with my ex fiance after seeing that she is doing her own thing and she has also took comfort in another guy

 

This true?

 

I've gone through a break up (Im a 24 yo guy and she's a 22 yo girl) and having a tough time after a break up. The arguments where nasty. She ended it but played unblocking/blocking games and messaged me last Friday giving me grief about being out with friends having drinks or "on the pull" as some might say in the UK. She is also apparently now rebounded and got with an old old old ex from when she was like 16.

But yes - I grovelled like mad, wanted her back, didn't quite beg but not far off.

It's now been NC since Tuesday...I'm hoping this 1 - is just a rebound and 2 - she will start to think hmmmm why is he not trying any more lol

[ThatwasThen]

Please accept that you are better off without this twit in your life. You are toxic together and you would do well to get yourself into anger management classes and a class on how to communicate. If you don't, I fear you will end up in relationships that are all toxic.

 

You've started several threads about this breakup so I'm just wondering when you're going to accept that you two are not meant to be together. Can you even imagine being tied to him in marriage where you are fighting and being demeaned as a life choice? What would that dynamic do to any children you two would unfortunately have together?

 

Work on you and forget him.