Feeling really down need some advice

[michkath]

Me & my partner broke up around 6 weeks ago. He ended it via text. Obviously I went abit crazy as was out the blue. After calming down and some time apart we both reached out and we decided to met for a chat face to face. The chat went really well. He explained it was his work why we woke up and he shouldn't of done it the way he done it. We both agreed we need to spend more time with each other doing nice things so keeps his mind of his work and be good for us to.

His birthday is in a weeks time so I went to this hotel he wanted to book a while ago and I asked for a gift voucher I said I would like it in my name incase the chat didn't go very well ( so I don't loose out on £200 ) As the chat went well I said open this when you get home was a card saying love you and here's a over night stay for 2.

He said he really liked it.

Now here's the rubbish part. Since this Iv become so upset and confidence has been knocked so all I do is get paranoid now and cry to myself. I haven't bombarded him with text messages or phone calls just been playing it by ear. But I have said what weeekend would you like to book that for your birthday. And every time I mention it he doesn't respond or if he does he says ' I'll check my diary and let you know tonight '

I really feel he doesn't want to go. I had other nice stuff planned aswell for his birthday.

He said he was annoyed yesterday with work and I said don't let work bring you down life is amazing and look forward.

He also blocked me on Instagram before I never was. I left it for a couple of days then I mentioned how come you blocked me on Instagram. He said I didn't mean to sorry ( since that he still hasn't unblocked me ) that made me so upset and paranoid and my cousin said all his posting is constant gym pictures nothing else. So I fort oh ok. I didn't mention this to him. So today I thought I would call him and have nice general chat on the phone and he messages me saying he couldn't talk as his at a event and he would call me later. So I said sure no problem. He said is everything ok I said yeah fort I'd call u for a chat. And he hasn't called me back since. Iv not messaged him or anything as didn't want to bombard him while his at a message.

 

I some how feel since the meet up his trying to push me away. Like it was going really well was so excited now this.

 

Like what do I do?

 

My cousin said how can you not get mad @ him and I said I don't want to get mad as it was going so well but iv not seen him since we met up ( that was 3 weeks above )

Things his been saying why he can't meet - hurt my arm, food positing. Then this weekend I fell sick with a virus so I couldn't go near people any ways.

 

Need some advice what you thinks going on?

[MissCanuck]

I'm sorry OP, but I think the hotel stay is not likely to happen. I know you had good intentions, but I feel that was too much considering you two had essentially just broken up. Planning an overnight and giving a card with "I love you" for a man who has one foot out the door already is unfortunately not a good idea.

 

My guess is that he is distancing himself from you as a means of sending the message that he does in fact want time and space to himself.

 

I am confused about how you two left it. You said you agreed to still spend time together, but are you still broken up? It sounds as though you each have very different ideas about what that meet-up actually meant.

[ThatwasThen]

I think his actions (or lack of them) are telling you exactly what is going on. No, you are not being paranoid but rather your gut is telling you what's up.

 

Can you get that voucher back from him?

[vesper]

He made it clear he wanted time apart to you were you not listening?

[shessofly]

After reading your first thread on here, it looks to me like you've acted a bit unstable (not meant to be insulting), which may have caused him to be concerned about your mental health. From what you have shared here, this looks like someone who has lost interest, but you won't let him go.

 

He's coming up with some pretty outlandish excuses not to see you, hoping you will get the hint, but you keep coming at him. I mean, these things could really be happening to him but at the same time he's only halfway responding to your texts/getting back to you.

 

Get your voucher and then back off, like way off...and let him come to you if that's what he chooses to do. Too much chasing on your part; the more you chase the further away he moves.

[michkath]

When we left the meet it was all good

He would text me saying he loved me and he was event going to come to a family event with me he said I want to come. So I asshumed we was back on.

Then he said he had food poising so couldnt go. I said that's fine I didn't wanna go anyways as I'm not close to that side.

Then he said he hurt his arm so I couldn't see him last weekend.

 

So thats why I'm so upset and confused. Does he actually want to be with me or not?

 

I have the hotel in my name so I won't loose out on anything. Everytime I mention it he make same thing.

 

His pushing me away but then next his saying he loves me so I'm getting so upset and paranoid.

[JaggerJim]

I don't think the hotel thing is going to happen either. Saying things like "Food poisoning, and hurting his arm" just seem to be excuses to me. You should let the break-up happen because he's not leaving with you with much to hang on.

[MissCanuck]

This sounds to me like he doesn't want to hurt you, but it's over.

 

I just read your previous thread about the break-up, too. I get the impression that he cares about you and wants you to be well, but doesn't really know how to just be direct that you two are not together anymore. He is worried you will react quite badly, I feel.

 

Also, this is a guy you dated just 6 months, right? You should never need to campaign this hard so early on. When someone is backing out of a relationship after just a few months of dating, it's better to let them go.

[seanryder]

"Does he actually want to be with me or not?"

 

In a word....NO.

 

Sorry to be so blunt, but to anyone reading your story it is completely obvious.

[michkath]

He said to me he would call me today And he never did

 

So I text saying I hope all is ok

 

And he said I'll call you when I'm not busy I love you

 

His saying he loves me I'm really soo confused.

[shessofly]

And again I say: Too much chasing on your part; the more you chase the further away he moves.

 

I would stop contacting him. Neediness is not attractive.

 

His actions do not back up anything he has said. You post a thread, and then turn around and text him anyway after he didn't do what he said he would do (again). At some point you have to take some responsibility for your own confusion. Sorry.

[TulipTrees]

Sadly some people feel too guilty when they know they are hurting someone so they try to ease out the door so you get used to the idea and eventually let go.

 

At this point you have been very clear that you want him back, but he honestly just isn't taking you up on it and is giving you all kinds of excuses as he pulls away. He probably feels bad as you just spent a lot of money on a voucher and he doesn't want a big scene when he tells you he doesn't want a serious relationship anymore.

 

He says he loves you but people say that to their mothers and sisters too. Words are cheap. Loving you means actually spending time with you which he isn't doing. So he is using words to pacify you while actions show true intentions.

 

If someone asks for space, give them all the space in the world, as in no contacting him unless he contacts you first and invites you out or asks to see you in person. Get busy with other things in your life besides him. If he is not making you a priority, don't make him one. Time to stop grasping at him like a terrified child. If you can't control your urge to contact, write him letters but don't actually send them.

 

He knows how you feel and you don't need to contact him constantly to tell him again and again. If he feels the same, he will start asking you out and dating you again. Pestering him won't make that happen and will just irritate him and overwhelm him. You are a grown woman and need to act like one.

 

So take his actions as where he is right now. He doesn't want to see you or he would. You need him to want to be with you for it to work, and if he doesn't it is better you accept that sooner than torturing yourself wondering. Remind yourself he is perfectly capable of phoning you up and seeing you if he wanted to. So back off and stop contacting him and see if he does contact and ask for dates or not. You won't know for sure if you are busily chasing him and just listening to words he may be saying to calm you down and hope you'll get used to not having him around and let him go.

[michkath]

From the meet up I asshumed everything was good between us like it went really well.

But Iv not seen him in 3 weeks since. Work, food poisoning, hurting his arm.

He never rang me yesturday all he said was I'll call you when I'm not busy love you.

 

So perhaps this is a sign that I do need to back off. What a complete head though.

[MissCanuck]

Yes, I would back off completely. His words and actions aren't matching, which is always a sign of trouble.

[michkath]

Well

2 weeks ago I found out he had been cheating on me

I found this out on his birthday!

I am completely heart broken! No wonder the last month he was making excuses!

I messaged her saying we was still talking and her reply was ' his my boyfriend now ' obviously a and has no respect!

 

And even his mum knew about her!

 

His changed his number and thrown all his stuff out.

 

I have named and shamed all his name face and hers too on all online and so have my mates.

 

My family are so angry!

 

I adored that boy so much!

 

I'm soo hurting and have such bad anxiety. I really tried but cheating is disgusting.

 

Time to move on x

[MissCanuck]

I am sorry to hear the update, OP.

 

How long had he been cheating, and how did you find out?

 

If anything, yes, this is confirmation that you really do need to move on. There is happiness ahead for you.

[misterjister]

the excuses were just to buy himself some time until he decided which way to go. The I love you's were really out of order as well.

what a sh1thead. sorry.

[dave4443]

Sorry to hear that being cheated on is awful. At least you know you can do better Xx

[michkath]

He said he had to go on a last minute trip away. And I was blocked on social I did say why am I blocked he said it was by mistake so me and my cousin looked on his account and saw two glasses champagne my heart sunk so I looked through his recent friends and I saw girl and clicked and bamn picture of them two together.

 

He knew I had weekend away planned presents may I add he wanted. His a disgusting cheat and she is a home wrecker. Her response when I said his been cheating and not sure how long for I would perhaps say 2 months as he was acting weird. ' his my boyfriend now '

 

Saying he loved me ect was disgusting!

 

Iv had to name and shame him on social media as I find cheaters utterly disgusting. I'm so embarrassed and so upset. But he was deffo not worth the chasing!

[misterjister]

what a nobhead grrr. look at it this way. if you ever got back together you would never be able to trust him again. not fully. what he's done would always be in the back of your mind.