JustMizz Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 I'm tired of feeling like this. Some of you know what I'm going through right now. Basically, I went out with a guy and instantly clicked. Things moved too fast, I opened my heart to him and then ultimately pushed him away. Since then, I have made a fool out of myself trying to get him to respond to me. And it has all fallen on deaf ears. He won't even acknowlege me. It hurts, and I keep beating myself up about it. I fully blame myself for rushing and falling too fast. I really thought he and I would have been great together. Now all I want to do is let go. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of waiting for a message from him that will never come. I know I deserve a man who won't treat me like this, and I want to actually believe that in my heart, instead of believing that I'm not good enough for a man to actually want to be with me. I went in a date last night but it just made me feel worse because all I could think about was him. How can I start? I am done contacting him. I will never reach out to him again. I'm trying to stay away from my phone and his Facebook page. I just want to feel better and get back to who I was before him. I was happy and confident. I didn't mind being alone. I was comfortable with it. I want me back. Please help. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 Have you considered therapy? Do you usually get attached so quickly? Link to comment
Elavohra Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 And I thought I am the only one who had messed up things like that. I was into the similar situation and still is. I have had pushed him away later on I tried hard to reconcile things between us but I failed. He said now he's totally not into me and their is no point talking to him about all this again and again. He would rather love to wait for the right girl. Sigh! It's been a week today, I need and have to now get out of his life. Girl, it's time to learn out of your mistake and let him go for your and for his peace. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 There's nothing to hold on to. Link to comment
JustMizz Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 Have you considered therapy? Do you usually get attached so quickly? No, not usually. I have been thinking about trying some therapy. I think maybe I'm projecting so of my lingering emotions from my divorce onto this situation. I'm not sure, though. Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 Can you be more specific? How did you move too fast, and what did you do that pushed him away? Link to comment
JustMizz Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 Can you be more specific? How did you move too fast, and what did you do that pushed him away? We had sex on second date. Then saw each other a few times after. I started feeling a bit insecure and basically asked him where I stood in his life. He said "we will get there" but implied he wasn't ready for a commitment. I expressed I felt we were on the same page. Then he started pulling back. He blew me off and ignored me for a couple of days. I text and let him know I didn't appreciate how he was treating me. He finally responded saying he was dealing with some stuff and needed time to sort through it. I have a couple of days then text to see how he was. He was vague and stopped responding after a couple of texts. A few days later I told him I missed talking to him. No response. Few hours later I asked him to please let me know of he was no longer interested. No response, but he was on facebook commenting on stuff and I got angry. Left him a long message telling him I didn't deserve being ignored. The I unfriended him. A few days later I sent a long text thanking him for the fun we had and hoped the best for him. I haven't heard from him since the day I asked how he was. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 "He finally responded saying he was dealing with some stuff and needed time to sort through" This is when you should have stepped away. He owed you nothing. You should not be sleeping with people so early, unless you are seeking something casual. This guy was a stranger, and you were pulling the commitment card. I also suggest not dating someone who is straight out of a relationship, or you are likely to end up with this scenario. He was probably looking for something casual. Next time, get to know people, date for awhile to see if you are on the same page, then have sex. In the future, do not send texts wishing people well, after they have blown you off. it looks like you have no value for yourself. if someone came at me with the same after a short period, I too, would have bolted. Lastly, you should not be sending out texts, if he is not doing the same. Link to comment
JustMizz Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 I know all of the mistakes I made. I'm asking how to let go and begin to move on... Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 You recognize that there is no future with this guy, and learn from your mistakes. YOU are choosing to hold on to this. Also, what are you holding on to? Link to comment
LaHermes Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 JustMizz. I truly think that you would find therapy hugely useful in getting back to yourself. It helps to discuss with an objective third party face to face. There is also an excellent book you might like: "Why do I Do That" by a Dr. Joseph Burgo. Link to comment
Danilov Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 I am going through a situation much like this myself right now. I am so sorry you are hurting. I know what it feels like. I don't have a bunch of advice to give you. Only what I am currently doing to get myself past this. I admit my mistakes to myself and working on forgiveness for myself. I keep reminding myself it's him not me even though I am not perfect either. Spend time with friends. I started back up running again. Stay busy. Do what you love to do. And by all means don't text him. Accept that he won't text you. Eventually your heart will heal and you will think of him less and less. And he'll jyst be some guy you used to talk to. Link to comment
JustMizz Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 You recognize that there is no future with this guy, and learn from your mistakes. YOU are choosing to hold on to this. Also, what are you holding on to? The hope that he'll finally reach out. I know it won't happen, but I am having a hard time letting that go. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 The hope that he'll finally reach out. I know it won't happen, but I am having a hard time letting that go. But, he didn't even you give you the courtesy of a reply. Why would you want that? I think you should address therapy , to address your self worth. When we value ourselves, others will, too. Link to comment
JustMizz Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 But, he didn't even you give you the courtesy of a reply. Why would you want that? I think you should address therapy , to address your self worth. When we value ourselves, others will, too. I thought I valued myself. I felt great until this happened. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 I thought I valued myself. I felt great until this happened. Use this to your benefit - I did with my last relationship. When you address this, you will discover much about yourself, and your choices. It is a win-win. Link to comment
LaHermes Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 The answer lies here: "He said he liked me a lot but it was hard for him to get close because he was still hurt from his divorce." While he is in that state of mind with the hurt and heavy baggage from his divorce he is in no position to get involved with you or indeed anyone else. Link to comment
JustMizz Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 The answer lies here: "He said he liked me a lot but it was hard for him to get close because he was still hurt from his divorce." While he is in that state of mind with the hurt and heavy baggage from his divorce he is in no position to get involved with you or indeed anyone else. In the same conversation he stressed "we will get there", he just didn't want to rush. That reassured me. And then....poof. That's why I'm having such a hard time with this. Link to comment
Hollyj Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 In the same conversation he stressed "we will get there", he just didn't want to rush. That reassured me. And then....poof. That's why I'm having such a hard time with this. He is not available. he is not over the divorce. There is not future when he moves on, as you pushed for too much too fast. Only seek partners, who are not recently out of a relationship. Also, if someone is talking about an ex -even if the relationship is long over - they are not over that person. He is no longer interested in you. Link to comment
LaHermes Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 JustMizz. Next time round make "slow and then slower" your mantra. And I agree with Holly, keep away from people who are just out of a divorce or separation. Words mean little. Actions speak louder than words. Keep it light, proceed with caution, keep your radar tuned up, (there is always subtext in what people say). Link to comment
JustMizz Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 He divorced last September. I didn't think that was too fresh for him. Link to comment
LaHermes Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 What you thought is one thing Just Mizz, what he thought and actually SAID to you is another. ""He said he liked me a lot but it was hard for him to get close because he was still hurt from his divorce."" He said he was still hurt from his divorce so obviously yes still fresh for him. Added to the other advice here, do not second-guess others. Even in best case scenario a divorce is one of the most stressful and traumatic events in anyone's life. Link to comment
JustMizz Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 What you thought is one thing Just Mizz, what he thought and actually SAID to you is another. ""He said he liked me a lot but it was hard for him to get close because he was still hurt from his divorce."" He said he was still hurt from his divorce so obviously yes still fresh for him. Added to the other advice here, do not second-guess others. Even in best case scenario a divorce is one of the most stressful and traumatic events in anyone's life. Yes, I know. I've been through one myself. I get he was telling me he wasn't ready. I told him I understood. We both agreed we would take our time and were on the same page. But he pulled away. I suppose he had second thoughts. I didn't text him anything bad until after he blew me off and ignored me. Up until that day, he did most of the initiating. Link to comment
LaHermes Posted July 23, 2017 Share Posted July 23, 2017 Upwards and onwards, JustM. Sadder (hopefully not for long!) and wiser for the future. Link to comment
JustMizz Posted July 23, 2017 Author Share Posted July 23, 2017 Upwards and onwards, JustM. Sadder (hopefully not for long!) and wiser for the future. So, in the future, is it better to say nothing than to stand up for myself and let my boundaries known? Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.