25 year difference

[Crickett]

I am 21 and about to graduate from college in May. I have always attracted older men and preferred older men as well. However, I did fall in love with a man who is 47. There is a 25 years age gap. He is divorced with no kids. But he and I deeply love eachother, we are very compatible, and we share the same interests. He is in great health, and looks like he is 10 years younger than what he is. The age gap is more than what I would like it to be, but we are so happy together.

Is anyone else in the same situation as I am?

 

Thanks for listening~ Crickett

[Gracey_Lee]

no, i don't think you should even be with him... keep him as a friend... not a love interest! He's 47 which is WAY to old! He shouldn't even be with women who are that young. Maybe he's having a late mid-life crisis... but what are you gonna do when he's all old and you're not? Like it'll be weird cuz he'll be retired and you'll be at the bar! Well i guess it matters if you see it as that kind of a relationship or just a fling. I personally wouldn't do it... but what it comes down to in the end, is as long as you're happy, more power to ya.

[Luciana]

Cricket, are you out of your mind? Do you realize the crazy situation you are getting into? Do you realize that after the seduction period is over and the conflicts start this is a relationship bound to not last? ALthough I think the problem lies with this middle aged man..he's is clearly using you and you innoncence. Did you not have a father figure? Do you understand he may be afraid of a woman his age because she will see his weaknesses more than a naive 21 year old? Do you also see you are preventing a woman in her 40's to meet a man-by allowing him access to you?

 

I agree with Gracie: keep him as a friend. Do NOT sleep with him and do not let him control you-he will try to. Try marrying this guy and your life will be hell, with him controlling every step you make, what you wear, who are your friends, etc. He is nice to you now because he wants to get into your pants...just wait when he has more control over you. You will alwyas regret this decision. He should be really ashamed of himself and you are wrong in enabling him.

Got to therapy if you can to try to find out why you are looking for a substitute father.

If my daughters dated a man 25 years older I would be devastated. I hope your mother tells you that.

[Mysterious Gurl]

I'm not in the same situation as you. But yeah I understand what you mean about preferring older men. People have pointed out to me it's a maturity factor thing.

 

But if you are over 18 when you are classed as an adult, should age really matter? I mean your on your own feet then and you choose who you want to be with and how you are going to live your life?

 

Miya

[Sheyda]

I agree with Mysterious Gurl; you're 21 so it's legal, nobody's doing anything wrong. If you love him and have known him long enough to see that no-one's being used or manipulated I don't think there is anything wrong with your relationship. Check your PMs; I have sent you an address where there are many people in the same situation as yours.

 

There are many important things in a relationship that keep a couple together and as long as both people are adults in their country, age is a small part of that.

[Crickett]

Gracie-Lee and Luciana, I thank you for sharing your opinions. But I am offended. I am an educated adult, and my bf and I have been dating for a year. I do have a father figure in my life, and my bf is not assuming that role. Please do not judge or think ill of me just becuase I am in a serious relationship with an older man. He and I love, care, and respect eachother very much. I only gave a tiny bit of information in my origional post, you can not base a judgement on a relationship based on what I posted before. But I commend you for sharing your thoughts becuase I feel your intentions were good.

[I_love_rain_hugs_and_you]

Hey,

 

I was just wondering...what attracts you to this guy in the first place? What is so special about him that you won't find in other guys.

 

I am never attracted to girls much older or much younger than me...i am 21, and I think the youngest girl I have liked recently was 17......I would never go younger than 17...but i haven't dated, so it doesn't matter anyway.....

[whatfor]

i am with Sheyda and Mysterious Gurl, If you are happy and if there is love then go for it. Dont listen to anyone, do what is the best for you.

Luciana why be so harsh? How can you say he is using her and she in naive and they will have fights and that he will be another dad for her and all stuff like that when you dont know him or her?

Anyway Crickett, good luck to you

[Gracey_Lee]

Listen Crikket, i didn't offend you in anyway... you put your problem out here for everyone to comment on and i told you what i think... and i also said i hope you do what makes you happy.. so if gettin it on with someone almost old enough to be your father makes ya happy rock on! i'm just sayin... it's not something I'D do. If you don't have a problem with it, then why are you posting about it on this site? something must be wrong

[Sheyda]

Gracey_Lee - She wasn't asking for people's opinions and I'm sure you would be offended if someone told you you shouldn't be with the man you love. Crickett didn't post her relationship here as a "problem" for people to comment on; she clearly stated she was looking for people in similar situations. i.e. People who are happy and in love in an age gap relationship. How does that indicate that there is something wrong with the relationship itself? She's just searching for people who can relate to her.

[Mysterious Gurl]

Theres nothing to be ashamed of just because this guy is a lot older than her. As long as she is happy thats the main thing. We don't control our heart, it controls us.

 

Besides crickett is right. She gave only small information on the topic thereforeeee we don't know the full ins and outs of it.

 

Anyway, I have a friend who is 16 turning 17 this yr who is a in a committed relationship with a guy who's 22. She's happy. In fact she's the happiest I have seen her in a long while. She's doing!

 

Love is love ... it's as simple as that.

 

Miya

[Crickett]

Gracie-Lee, As was said before, I didn't post as a problem to be commented on, I simply wished to talk with someone who was in a relationship with this big of an age gap. I know you probably didn't mean to offend me, and I think everyone has a right to share an opinion. If you don't feel that being in a relationship with an older man is right for you, then great! Right now, I have never been happier in my life.

 

What attracts me to my bf is his personality, and the fact that he shares all of the same interests as me and we can have fun simply by taking a walk, or talking over a dinner or cup of tea. To me, stimulating conversations and intelligence are big turn-ons.

[larajenkins4]

just because there's an age gap, it doesnt mean a relationship wont work. some people with age gaps are loads more happier than those that are the same age. it depends on how those two people interact and get along, you cant help who you fall in love with, and you certaintly shouldnt stop it because of age, if he loves you back then go for it. just because he is older, and he will be old when you're not, it doesnt mean you still wont get on, it just means you will help him through it, like he will help you through your bad times. to say she shouldnt be with him because of age is stupid.

 

some people actually fall in love with peoples personalities rather than their looks, some people aren't shallow.

[larajenkins4]

Listen Crikket, i didn't offend you in anyway... you put your problem out here for everyone to comment on and i told you what i think... and i also said i hope you do what makes you happy.. so if gettin it on with someone almost old enough to be your father makes ya happy rock on! i'm just sayin... it's not something I'D do. If you don't have a problem with it, then why are you posting about it on this site? something must be wrong

 

just because its not something you would do, it doesnt mean everyone else is doing something wrong, it isnt wrong at all, and i think it shows a great deal of courage and respect.

[whosthatgirl82]

Hi there...

 

I am a 22 year old involved in a relationship with a guy 19 years older than me....we have been dating now for over a year and well I cant tell these type of relationships are a walk in the park but they can work .....age is just a number so dont let pressure from your friends or family affect you...you are the only one who can actually know what you want...and if you are in love with this man and there is a lot of understanding between you and him...then go for it girl....

[neverletgo]

I met a man about 4 years ago, we just flirted and made eye contact.

 

I have been seeing him now for almost 2 years. I love him so much, and i love the way he loves me. But i am 39 and he is 55. I have two older children, and i left my husband about 6 months ago. He is in the proccess of leaving his wife. We want to be together.

But it does scare me, what about in 10 years, 20 years!!!

But life is short, i mean something could happen to me first....right?

I just know how i feel when he holds me, i have never felt this way before, and i know he feels the same way.We talk all the time, see each other every day.

We like the same things, we have so much in common. He is a farmer, a BIG farmer. And i love the out doors. And helping him do things. I just love spending time with him. I have never been happier.

So is there anything wrong with this? Is there someone who has married a man 16 years older? Does it work out?

 

Everyone seems to know about us......but my father. I have not told him yet, I live in a very small town. I am probaly kidding myself, to think he doesn't all ready know. But my dad had me at early age, my dad is 55. He is going to have a fit about this!!!!

[xo dramaqueen xo]

you know what, i think its up to you to make a decision for yourself, there are always exeptions to the rules, no one here knows him like you do, just be careful. im kinda in the same boat as you, in michigan 16 is the legal age of consent, well im older than that and im madly in love with my just turned 30 year old teacher, i think he feels the same way but im not sure how to tell? help

 

xoxo,

.

[aklost101]

i am 24 and i'm seeing a man who is 52.

we get along great and have more to talk about than most of the friends i have my age. i've always gotten along better with older people (parents, teachers, etc) and have been chastized (while growing up) for not wanting to play nice with kids my age-- they were stupid and talked about stupid things and were childish (ha. imagine that, lol) when i watched and listened to adults it seemed like they had a point for their conversation- not just to hear themselves. and i've always felt more comfortable around older people.

 

my "friend" was quick to point out how he noticed my comfortablity with him right away.

 

you have someone you like. enjoy it. you're both adults. forget what other people on here are saying. live it up.

[Luciana]

Don't know...all these girls with old men...

 

Are these guys rich?

 

That explains it all sometimes. Melania would never date Trump if he was a 58 year old doorman...it's so true.

 

And I didn't like the fact that my freshman daughter was seeing a junior in High School...

 

I have seen many of these marriages not last. Usually the woman leaves.

I will not generalize. Some will work out. But I am surprised no 22 year old guys with 50's women. Double standard....

[Mysterious Gurl]

I think as long as a person is happy with the relationship their in, then they should go for it and just tell everyone else shove it where the the sun don't shine.

 

Okay so their is an age gap sometimes a huge age gap but who cares it's not going to end the world or anything is it.

 

I think anyone who's 18+ (or whatever age their classed as an adult) should date anyone they want no matter what the age.

 

Miya

[girly_girl]

Hi,

I just wanted to tell you that I am in almost the same situation, because I am 21 and my fiancé is 44, so there is a 22 year gap. Not only have we been together for three years, but we are incredibly happy together. I have never been happier with any other man before, and whenever I think about him, I get a good feeling just knowing how much in love we are. Of course there have been judgmental people who have disrespected us, but I treat them as any other ignorant person, I ignore them because I know I can't change them. I am so happy to hear that you are happy in your relationship- it is proof that it does work. The issues in a relationship have nothing to do with age-maybe maturity or experience, but not age. And to those of you you have responded so judgmentally and rudely to her post-- of course you have a right to your opinions, but maybe those opinions would change if you were less judgmental and realized that your way of life is not the best way.

[Mysterious Gurl]

Heya

 

Girly girl you are a perfect example of the point I'm tring to make.

 

I'm so glad your happy with your boyfriend. As long as your happy thats all that should matter.

 

Anyway people who judge you by the age gap are just being selfish at the end of the day!

 

I have not been in a age gap relationship but I hope if I do people will learn to accept it and if they don't then it shows what kind of people they are.

 

Good luck with everything,

Miya

[SilverManic]

I've been close friends with my boyfriend for 2 years and we finally told eachother that we like eachother at a party in Febuary. We've been going out for 3 months now and I'm very happy with him. I've never had someone to think about things in the same way as me and understand how I'm feeling. I love him very much. My boyfriend has just turned 31 and I turned 20 in march.

Age is only a number, if you love him and your happy thats all that matters.

~S.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

There is nothing wrong with it. I was in a relationship with a woman 24 yrs older than me for five years. Although we broke up because I didn't feel in love, she remains my best friend and I do not regret it. Older women are gonna resent you because it becomes harder to find single men at that age. Younger men will resent it because they feel like someone has taken a girl off the market for them. It's a jealousy thing. Younger women ( like say 17) are too young to really even understand the complications of dating and relationships at this point in their lives.

[Napoleon Bonaparte]

Luciana I am a guy and I was with a woman much older than me for four years. I was 20, she was 44. I enjoyed the experience quite a bit and she thinks I was the best (and one of the more mature) men she has been with. As far as older men go, you resent this and it is very personal for you. Men age physically very well (although in my relationship she was very pretty). Sometimes guys look a lot better the older they get....and besides that there are other things to take into account over looks and money...like ummm personality, charm, emotional strength.