cherubrock Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 Hi guys, I'm sad to say that I engaged in "sex" again without really being into it or feeling into it. Yes, I acted like an object AGAIN. This happened on Friday night at 3 AM with the SAME GUY I posted in the post below. I have isolated myself ever since in my room, for the rest of the weekend It kind of hurt and he did the "jackhammer" style at some points. I WAS NOT aroused during the entire time. there has to be something very wrong with me if I keep doing this...I really don't know. I feel like I'm trying to get "love" from this guy who I don't think he is really capable of or interested in. I know this sounds crazy and I feel I can't tell anyone this (why would anyone want to hear such a strange dilemma?) I really do feel like an alien. The entire day after we didn't text until late next night he sends "..." Obviously he is oblivious to what I was feeling. I said I didn't enjoy it as much as I thought I was going to. I said "I feel like an object and that I think that makes me act like one" The he replied "I made you feel like an object?" I said "Im not saying its you I'm saying it's a feeling I have sometimes" Then he says "I had fun I didn't think you were an object to me" "Im sorry if I was rough but I really couldn't tell sometimes I asked a few times too" Then I asked "Are you happy with this relationship?" Then he says "not really", then I said "what could be better? Like seeing each other more often?" Then he said "everything could be better" and I said I agree. I tried to make him say more with more questions, I even said 'if other aspects were better maybe I would enjoy the sex more" He just responded "Idk". "I'm sorry if you feel objectified I won't ask you to do this again." Then I tried to say it's not directly his fault that I play a part in the objectified feeling but he didn't keep on with the convo he just sent me a video of a song he played on that night that I said I didn't like 0__0. This has got my head reeling. Why am I so adamant and "attached" to this person? Why am I so numb? I feel like there is NO ONE I can talk to, and that even therapists won't really be able to help me. I am not living right I guess, but why can't I feel sex and people around me are going around doing hook-ups and stuff like that and enjoying it. I feel so warped in my sexuality, and when people talk about sex or are around people that I know are active I feel like inadequate or like something is wrong with me. Link to comment
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