Guys...I've done it again

[cherubrock]

You just need your sexual awakening. You just happen to be a girl that needs a decent guy to allow yourself to be awoken like that. Not really a bad thing, just need to find the guy.

 

You have issues compartmentalizing sex and feelings. I do too. You can't really enjoy the sex if you don't have the emotions. My solution for myself was develop the emotions before introducing sex.

 

I do need my sexual awakening. I've had orgasm before...but its wasn't through actual intercourse. It was a sudden touch on my boob by this friend I had a crush on. That was so long ago though. Also some of my "cam-sex" experiences have been good.

I just feel bad...that I didn't or couldn't let out these feelings to this guy...I even feel kind of guilty for the demise of it..since I wasn't being my true self.

 

But it wasn't ever a time I felt I could safely and intimately do that, but I think I subconsciously "chose" this person BECAUSE I wouldn't "have to" have that sort of intimacy and disclosure, in a sense I feel like I somewhat failed. Almost the whole time it was dealing with what bothered him, in the form of arguing and silent treatments, and that probably gave me a sense of comfort who knows. It never felt like it was of much interest to him my inner state or what I'm like inside, so thats probably why it I didn't open up. It just bothers me now though...how would he have taken it if I would've just said it??? I mean I can still tell him..I don't know if its too late though...we are kind of broke up but he's been still contacting me here and there for sexual reasons. He said we can still have sex to "learn how to get better at it"

[thealchemist]

Holy sh*t girl. Stop talking to this dude. Are you kidding me? Why do you feel that you are such a bad person to deserve this?

 

It doesn't matter what could have been if you changed something, because it didn't happen that way.

 

You are really really trying to justify being treated like this. Why? Do you not think you deserve to have something great?

 

From what you have said there is no potential with this guy at all. Just very awkward and not very satisfying sex. Every second you spend on this guy you are potentially losing on spending with a great guy.

 

I really empathize with you and it saddens me to see you waste so much on this guy.

[cherubrock]

Holy sh*t girl. Stop talking to this dude. Are you kidding me? Why do you feel that you are such a bad person to deserve this?

 

It doesn't matter what could have been if you changed something, because it didn't happen that way.

 

You are really really trying to justify being treated like this. Why? Do you not think you deserve to have something great?

 

From what you have said there is no potential with this guy at all. Just very awkward and not very satisfying sex. Every second you spend on this guy you are potentially losing on spending with a great guy.

 

I really empathize with you and it saddens me to see you waste so much on this guy.

 

Alchemist...!

 

I sound so low self-esteem don't I? I don't know why I'm like so self-effacing or almost like a martyr with this guy! Maybe I had this dynamic with my mother

as a kid idk! I feel like I have to give in and in and in....not sure why..like a mindless puppet almost giving in and in.

[thealchemist]

Alchemist...!

 

I sound so low self-esteem don't I? I don't know why I'm like so self-effacing or almost like a martyr with this guy! Maybe I had this dynamic with my mother

as a kid idk! I feel like I have to give in and in and in....not sure why..like a mindless puppet almost giving in and in.

I just causes me pain to see you trying to justify everything.

 

You really can have a great relationship, it just won't be with this guy.

[HeartGoesOn]

we are kind of broke up but he's been still contacting me here and there for sexual reasons. He said we can still have sex to "learn how to get better at it"

^

Hopefully you don't fall for this BS. It's time to send this clown packing.

[cherubrock]

^

Hopefully you don't fall for this BS. It's time to send this clown packing.

 

Excuse me if this sounds mindless but what exactly do you mean it's BS??? I mean I KNOW its BS but I would like to know specifically what you mean?

[mustlovedogs]

Excuse me if this sounds mindless but what exactly do you mean it's BS??? I mean I KNOW its BS but I would like to know specifically what you mean?

 

You know why it's BS.

 

If you know, trust it.

[thealchemist]

Well you talk about how you can't open up to this guy and how awkward the sex it, and the disconnect you have from sex.

 

If that is the case then you will not be learning from it. It could very likely mess up a lot about how you think and deal with sex for a long time.

 

It is BS because he does not care anything about improving. He just wants to do sexual things with you so he gets to do sexual things with you so he gets off.

 

He just sold you some sh*t that he thought you would buy. You even second guessing yourself so much shows it is working.

 

You are bending over backwards to try to play him off as something other that what he is, just a guy using you. You can get the attention from someone who doesn't purely objectify you.

 

The longer you are talking to this guy the longer you are going to be messing up your head by justifying how he treat a you. Do you have any idea how much being with someone like that can mess your relationship sensibilities up?

[HeartGoesOn]

Excuse me if this sounds mindless but what exactly do you mean it's BS??? I mean I KNOW its BS but I would like to know specifically what you mean?

 

He'll be happy to use your body for his own entertainment, yet he doesn't give a hoot about you. The writing is on the wall, it's not rocket science...

[cherubrock]

Well according to him he "broke up" because he knows I talk to this other guy online but its nothing sexual and romantic (I know weird but its true) and this guy is jealous and so according to him he said "we barely see each other and I don't trust you" I think someone cheated him in his past and he has like issues with that (I would say he needs help with trust issues).

But its so weird because now that we are "broke up" it doesn't even feel much different than when we "were together"...its the SAME thing lol.

 

2 weeks after that "break up" talk he contacts me for sex/camming and I thought he wanted to "get back together" and I said "I need more than camming every other week" and then he kind didn't want to talk again about the whole thing saying "i just want to cam" and I said I cant do this if we aren't together...cause it makes me feel like we are and he goes "its just camming" then I say but you're also asking for sex and he was like "im just trying to keep things simple, we could learn to get better at sex, i dont get a lot of sex and you're a virgin..."

[mustlovedogs]

Well according to him he "broke up" because he knows I talk to this other guy online but its nothing sexual and romantic (I know weird but its true) and this guy is jealous and so according to him he said "we barely see each other and I don't trust you" I think someone cheated him in his past and he has like issues with that (I would say he needs help with trust issues).

But its so weird because now that we are "broke up" it doesn't even feel much different than when we "were together"...its the SAME thing lol.

 

2 weeks after that "break up" talk he contacts me for sex/camming and I thought he wanted to "get back together" and I said "I need more than camming every other week" and then he kind didn't want to talk again about the whole thing saying "i just want to cam" and I said I cant do this if we aren't together...cause it makes me feel like we are and he goes "its just camming" then I say but you're also asking for sex and he was like "im just trying to keep things simple, we could learn to get better at sex, i dont get a lot of sex and you're a virgin..."

 

Stop whatever you're doing. You get to decide what YOU do next. You don't seem ok with this, so stop being ok with this.

[thealchemist]

Well according to him he "broke up" because he knows I talk to this other guy online but its nothing sexual and romantic (I know weird but its true) and this guy is jealous and so according to him he said "we barely see each other and I don't trust you" I think someone cheated him in his past and he has like issues with that (I would say he needs help with trust issues).

But its so weird because now that we are "broke up" it doesn't even feel much different than when we "were together"...its the SAME thing lol.

 

2 weeks after that "break up" talk he contacts me for sex/camming and I thought he wanted to "get back together" and I said "I need more than camming every other week" and then he kind didn't want to talk again about the whole thing saying "i just want to cam" and I said I cant do this if we aren't together...cause it makes me feel like we are and he goes "its just camming" then I say but you're also asking for sex and he was like "im just trying to keep things simple, we could learn to get better at sex, i dont get a lot of sex and you're a virgin..."

You are propagating your problems by continuing to talk to this guy.

 

He doesn't care about you. He is just selfish. You are going to #uck up how you view a relationship by even communicating with this guy. He doesn't care about any of that, because he just wants sexual favors from you.

 

What deep seated issues have caused you to make such terrible and destructive personal relationship choices.

 

Do you want to know why you are so unfulfilled in your personal relations? Because you make very poor life choices in this department...

 

Please. Please. Please. Stop even communicating with this self centered manipulative guy.

[boltnrun]

Do you think attention from him (no matter what kind) is better than no attention at all?

[Jibralta]

I said "I need more than camming every other week" and then he kind didn't want to talk again about the whole thing saying "i just want to cam" and I said I cant do this if we aren't together...cause it makes me feel like we are and he goes "its just camming"

 

You're investing a lot more into this than he is. It's like paying a thousand bucks for a crummy hot dog.

[cherubrock]

It's like I'm being burned alive but I'm frozen on the spot and letting it burn me. I must be traumatized in some way...but its not like that obvious. I really am on rock bottom, I need to start moving up.

[cherubrock]

Do you think attention from him (no matter what kind) is better than no attention at all?

 

Perhaps I am...but its getting to the point that his attention is too bad, painful. I really have to see this situation as hopeless.

[MadameRed]

I just don't understand my sexual response...I have done "e-sex" and have really enjoyed it a couple times...sometimes I get more aroused by kissing or a guy massaging my back then by being completely naked on top of a guy in bed, haha.

[cherubrock]

I just don't understand my sexual response...I have done "e-sex" and have really enjoyed it a couple times...sometimes I get more aroused by kissing or a guy massaging my back then by being completely naked on top of a guy in bed, haha.

 

Yes...I wrote that..and???

[Jibralta]

I don't think it's as important to understand your sexual response as it is to acknowledge and accept it as part of who you are. What I mean is, if you're aroused by and enjoy kissing and massages, spend more time doing that. If the guy you are with doesn't want to put effort into the things that you like, send him on his way. Sexuality is very personal. It's wasted when it's shared with someone who doesn't respect it.

[cherubrock]

I don't think it's as important to understand your sexual response as it is to acknowledge and accept it as part of who you are. What I mean is, if you're aroused by and enjoy kissing and massages, spend more time doing that. If the guy you are with doesn't want to put effort into the things that you like, send him on his way. Sexuality is very personal. It's wasted when it's shared with someone who doesn't respect it.

 

Yeah I can see a big lack of acceptance of where I am in my sexuality and respecting it. This is really good advice, needed to hear it, thanks.

[cherubrock]

So my dad is back home from the holidays and I hate to say this but I feel anxious and tense around him. :suspicion: In 2015 I got an onset of anxiety and repetitive unwanted thoughts...usually involving him, like I sometimes "see" or imagine he has an erection or something when I am standing near or by him. I feel my body almost feeling sorta closed off. I used to react more to it but now I'm better. It's a pretty sucky thing to go through.

[cherubrock]

Sometimes this issue gets me down when I think that some people who were actually sexually abused are not like "numb" and can have sexual relationships. I'm not saying they don't have their own issues and not trying to minimize them but it just passed through my head now.

[Jibralta]

Maybe you weren't sexually abused per se, but could there have been inappropriateness in his boundaries with you while you were growing up? I think that can have a big affect on you.

 

Also, be careful when you compare your feelings and reactions to the feelings and reactions of others. It's definitely useful when you are trying to discover yourself, but avoid using other people's reactions and behaviors as a yardstick for your own. Everyone reacts differently. Nobody necessarily has the "correct" reaction. For example, some people who were sexually abused may not be numb, while others are.

[cherubrock]

Yeah, I agree. I was not in a good mood last night, dark moods. It was more from my mom I think, from her insecurities and the fights they would have. I think I just feel guilt for being attractive or something..and the imminent chance or thought that my dad could look at me like that used to give me quite some panic, I feel self-conscious if I'm wearing something form-fitting or revealing around my dad, I think if I had to I'd feel uncomfortable, but that isn't "normal", I shouldn't feel bad or like I have to cover-up???

 

that's why I feel bad for having these thoughts because my dad isn't an abuser. Unfortunately it is like he is a "trigger" to me, but I don't want that to be the only thing he "is" to me.

It's just awkward between us because I have spoken to my parents about some things.

[cherubrock]

Hello,

 

It's been a while since I last posted. I have a guy friend who I've been talking to for around 3 years online, he's coming for a weekend to meet me. He has never brought up sexual stuff in our conversations (in the sense like he's never tried to get anything sexual from me, nor ask me sexual questions etc.) Honestly I am sorta of surprised that he doesn't, but its also so refreshing. He certainly is different. I like him and hope all goes well in the meeting. Since it's first time meeting him I don't want to get too personal, I want to focus on enjoying ourselves, but I also would like to be somewhat physical if it feels right, but would like to know what to say if there is expectancy of more happening..

 

I still haven't gone to a therapist...partly because I started a new full-time job. It is still hard sometimes...feeling so "different". I went on a date like a week ago, with someone who used to hang out in the same circles in college, and we just had some coffee and he brought me to his place right after...then to his room..he sat in his bed...and I just followed...but I just sat there tense and motionless, he kisses me on the cheek, but I just remain there...then we get up to the living room talk a bit then leave.