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Is he 'just not that into me' ??


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Hello folks, I need some of your wisdom:


So I started chatting to a guy online about 3 months ago. We seemed to get on well and we're in touch on a weekly basis. He takes longer than I'm used to to write back, but he always follows up with an apology for the delay and an explanation. He asked me to meet up in his first message to me and although I agreed, due to the length of time it took to hear back from him the set date crept up quickly without us having spent enough chatting (I'm a survivor of stalking so cautious about meeting someone in person too soon). I ended up cancelling the first date and explained I would like to have got to know him a bit better before meeting in person. I didn't expect to hear from him again as some might say I was a bit lame...but it was important to me. Anyway I got a message back almost immediately with apologies about the slow responses and that he would still like to meet up in future. From then on, he was in contact more regularly and we eventually set another date and met up about 3 weeks ago for the first time.


We got on really well in person, laughed the whole time and seemed to enjoy each other company. Following the date I didn't hear from him until a week later. I sent a message 4 days after the date to say I had a good time and would like to meet up again. He eventually responded (apologising/explaining delay) saying he had fun too and would also like to hang out again and we proceeded to set up another date.


Here is where I get confused about his level of interest. Most of our communication happens via email. When I ask conversational questions he ignores them. I tried texting and asking if he was up for a call but that got shot down (no response and then a txt the following day apologising and saying he had been busy...but no offer to call). Since then I've taken my foot of the gas...kinda feel like I'm the only one pushing this. We're due to meet again next week but I'm wondering whether to call it quits now and cancel. I do like him, but we live 2hrs a part and both travel 1hr halfway to meet up so I'd potentially be putting in a lot of effort for someone who is just meh about me.


He says he is busy and I believe him but so is everyone. He has my number but isn't using it....it takes 2 seconds to send a "hi, how are you" text. Also because of the distance it's difficult to meet often enough in person, so I'm struggling to understand how else We're supposed to get to know each other if communication isn't maintained. Last heard from him almost a week ago - he was asking which areas we should meet in next week.


Experience and the silence tell me 'he's just not that into you', but don't know if I've read this wrong.

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Your experience and your gut are correct - he is just not that into you.

I can kind of see where before meeting face to face, you might have touch and go communication, but once you've met, you know if you are interested or not. He didn't bother to contact you after your date until you finally reached out to him and even then, he hasn't exactly been enthusiastic about talking to you or dating you.

Also, ignoring conversational getting to know you type questions, not wanting to talk on the phone or in any other way really......not only not interested, but I wonder if he is even single or perhaps not.

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Your gut is telling you something so please listen to it. For all you know about this guy and with his sparse replies and avoidance to talk on the phone, chances are high he's married or otherwise already in a relationship.


Chat to guys that are close enough to see often and who make plans often because they are interested in getting to know you. I'd let this guy fade if I were you.

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Thanks for your input, it's made me feel at peace that what I feel/have experienced is correct.


I don't think he is married, he is a bit of a public figure so that would have come out....in a relationship? Maybe...who knows.


I agree that if the poor communication was happening before meeting f it would be more understandable, but I'm really finding it hard to explain the poor communication this side of meeting.


We're due to meet on early next week, so I can't exactly fade...I also have hate ghosting and would prefer to let him know.


Any advice on how I should go about telling him...in a way that doesn't sound needy or manipulative (don't want him to start "showing" interest for my benefit if he's not feeling it).

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It sounds like he see's you more as a buddy or coffee friend but he doesn't sound like he has any romantic inclinations towards you or if he does, they are very minimal.


Just his actions and the way he leaves you hanging for so long is what proves that. He doesn't seem bothered.

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Men, will do everything and anything to get what they want. "Busy" is an worthless excuse. Men are never too busy to pursue a girl they are totally into, want to have sex with, or dinner with etc. Again, busy is a pathetic excuse so yes, while he has the courtesy to apologize because he has manners, feels sorry for being so bad with txting you back... i would slowly dump his ass. Trust your gut, always.

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I agree. Hes not making an effort. Tell him exactly that and that you don't think it's worth it. He should hear the truth, probably has you as a back-up. Two can play that game so you show him you don't need him. You GO, girl!

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I sent a short email to cancel the date and explain that I'm looking for someone who actively wants to date/get to know me and that the effort had been one sided which doesn't line up with what I'm looking for.


He replied with a long email thanking for my honestly and saying he would really like to get together again "to see if there's a spark" (HOOOOLD UP!!! So there hasn't been a spark?!!?). He also explained he's doesn't like getting too invested in case things don't work out. Fair enough, but how do you begin to build any type of relationship without communication?!?.

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