Meeting a girl tomorrow, but unexpected message from her

[Rezie]

I just find it weird that she told you. A lot of people have FWB arrangements while they are looking for something serious. Once they find someone they stop the FWB thing. Additionally a lot of people are dating multiple people at the same time. Dating it self is meeting a bunch of people and then figuring put if any ate worth taking it to more serious territory. It's just weird that someone tells about it. It's the unwritten rule about dating that you don't tell about the other dates.

[Careerchoice]

I just find it weird that she told you. A lot of people have FWB arrangements while they are looking for something serious. Once they find someone they stop the FWB thing. Additionally a lot of people are dating multiple people at the same time. Dating it self is meeting a bunch of people and then figuring put if any ate worth taking it to more serious territory. It's just weird that someone tells about it. It's the unwritten rule about dating that you don't tell about the other dates.

 

That's why it's easy to tell that there was an agenda behind it. It wasn't just some random statement.

[Careerchoice]

I think i went about it in a very positive way. I didn't say anything that showed that I am now distant from her and don't like her, because she even said "i hope this doesn't change your opinion of me" after she told me that.

 

Like I said, you passed well enough, but that doesn't mean the war is won. She's going to test you on this exact issue again (talking about other guys), and if you keep responding the same way, she will eventually dismiss you. She's going to be looking for an emotional response out of you.

 

Pass the test properly and she'll want to sleep with you.

[Braytc]

Like I said, you passed well enough, but that doesn't mean the war is won. She's going to test you on this exact issue again (talking about other guys), and if you keep responding the same way, she will eventually dismiss you. She's going to be looking for an emotional response out of you.

 

Pass the test properly and she'll want to sleep with you.

 

 

I guess so, but what do you mean by my responses?

[Braytc]

Well, the only person who can answer that is her. A few have given you their perspective, but at the end of the day, only she knows why she did it.

 

Wasn't your meet supposed to happen? How did it go?

 

For the past night or 2 I've been really sick and thought I would be good to go for tonight, but I'm not. She completely understands this and we are going to later this week. I'm legitmately sick and thought it would be gone but isnt. She keeps messaging me asking how I'm feeling etc etc

[Careerchoice]

The only response I saw you give was

 

I said like,... "okay. it really just depends, what were you expecting between us this whole time?"

 

Responding like that is going to be too passive in the long run. She's going to want to see some type of display of emotion, like you getting upset or jealous to some degree.

[figureitout23]

Like I said, you passed well enough, but that doesn't mean the war is won. She's going to test you on this exact issue again (talking about other guys), and if you keep responding the same way, she will eventually dismiss you. She's going to be looking for an emotional response out of you.

 

Are you a man or a woman? I only ask because I don't know any sane woman who plays these types of games.where are you getting this info from?

 

Pass the test properly and she'll want to sleep with you

 

Wow, is that the goal? I'd run from any man following this logic... and fast!

[Careerchoice]

Are you a man or a woman? I only ask because I don't know any sane woman who plays these types of games.where are you getting this info from?

 

I am male. I get this info from my past experiences with women. Please read one of my earlier responses in this thread. They were very sane women.

 

Wow, is that the goal? I'd run from any man following this logic... and fast!

 

Of course, when I'm interacting with a woman in a romantic context, one of my goals is to sleep with her. Why is that so remarkable?

[figureitout23]

I am male. I get this info from my past experiences with women. Please read one of my earlier responses in this thread. They were very sane women.

 

I doubt that very much. Im not being rude, just honest. You can't sit here and tell me emotionally healthy women pull this. What you're talking about is emotional manipulation.

Do women do it? I'm sure they do. Doesn't make it healthy or sane and a relationship born from manipulation is off to a rough start.

 

Of course, when I'm interacting with a woman in a romantic context one of my goals is to sleep with her. Why is that so remarkable?

 

ONE of your goals, it's not or shouldn't be your only goal. He won't admit it here, many posters don't admit how deep their feelings go, but he's into her, he wouldn't be on this site trying to decipher her words if he was just trying to hit it. In fact, I'd guess he'd simply run to the next warm hole that was less drama. So, I feel like you're kinda setting him up to get hurt. The tips you're giving him are to 'win' the game and get her into bed, when he may benefit much more from advice on how to talk to her and ask her where her head is at.

 

You're free to give any advise you please just as he is free to do what he sees best. I'm just here to say, as a woman, your 'impression' of us is a bit off and won't work in the long run. Women don't like games any more than men do.

[abitbroken]

When someone is looking for a committed, serious relationship they don't behave like they are not.

 

A person who is looking for a serious relationship would NOT have a FWB. They would be looking for a serious relationship and they would be going on a date or two with a guy and weeding him out if he wasn't compatible with her, only looking for a fling, etc. She would quickly move on in short order to the next. It would be normal for someone who was looking for a relationship to go on one or two off dates with different guys concurrently - proper dates like coffee, etc, a meetup at the local art festival - no sex - just meet and greet - etc, to keep looking for a match. That kind of "casual" dating is one thing - -- but casual sex, a FWB or even the bestie guy friend she treats like one of the girls are all things that a woman seriously looking for someone with husband or long term potential is not doing.

 

I think she knows you are looking for more, so she is qualifying herself - "oh, you are looking for something serious but i'm just screwing around.....but i can stop!!" Be aware that she is NOT looking for anything serious at the present time. The fact that she even mentioned this before the first date is indeed either because she feels guilty, because she wants to check your reaction and to see if you were cool with it, etc.

[Careerchoice]

I doubt that very much. Im not being rude, just honest. You can't sit here and tell me emotionally healthy women pull this. What you're talking about is emotional manipulation.

Do women do it? I'm sure they do. Doesn't make it healthy or sane and a relationship born from manipulation is off to a rough start.

 

I would be in the best position to know their level of sanity as I met them and you did not.

 

All women test men, and they do it for a good reason. It's very easy for men to fake interest in a woman, but it's difficult to fake passing a test. Women want genuine men.

 

Whether or not a woman tests a man has no impact on the health of a relationship. The only relevant factor is how well a man passes the tests.

 

ONE of your goals, it's not or shouldn't be your only goal.

 

And so what if it were my only goal? Your judgment of my motives in interacting with women is not relevant to me. There's nothing wrong with a purely sexual relationship.

 

So, I feel like you're kinda setting him up to get hurt. The tips you're giving him are to 'win' the game and get her into bed, when he may benefit much more from advice on how to talk to her and ask her where her head is at.

 

No, my advice, if he understands it, helps him understand what she's trying to communicate which will manifest as a sexual encounter. They are not exclusive goals.

 

I'm just here to say, as a woman, your 'impression' of us is a bit off and won't work in the long run.

 

Well it certainly worked for me, so the evidence points to me being correct. I will continue to do what works regardless of your factually baseless opinion.

 

Women don't like games any more than men do.

 

Feel free to encourage women to stop testing men. But as long as they continue to test me, I'm going to continue to pass the tests.

[figureitout23]

I would be in the best position to know their level of sanity as I met them and you did not.

 

All women test men, and they do it for a good reason. It's very easy for men to fake interest in a woman, but it's difficult to fake passing a test. Women want genuine men.

 

Whether or not a woman tests a man has no impact on the health of a relationship. The only relevant factor is how well a man passes it.

 

 

 

And so what if it were? Your judgment of my motives in interacting with women is not relevant to me.

 

 

 

No, my advice, if he understands it, helps him understand what she's trying to communicate which will manifest as a sexual encounter. They are not exclusive goals.

 

 

 

Well it certainly worked for me, so the evidence points to me being correct. I will continue to do what works regardless of your factually baseless opinion.

 

 

 

Feel free to encourage women to stop testing men. But as long as they continue to test me, I'm going to continue to pass the tests.

 

You're right. I'll be sure to share your findings at the next vagina owners meeting.

[moneymkt]

Me (23 male) her (23 female)

 

There's a girl that I've been talking to for a few weeks on social media and started to text her about a week ago. Just to keep things short, she said what she thought about me and I told her what I thought about her and we're both looking to eventually have a serious committed relationship. Let's just say we both are attracted to eachother and she wants to do something this weekend.

 

 

We have plans meeting tomorrow and she messaged me this tonight: "I just think I should tell you this before anything happens. There's a guy I've been seeing since February kind of as a friends with benefits type of thing and not sure if it's going anywhere but I do see him regularly. I don't know if this changes your opinion of me but I wanted to be out there open about this."

 

 

I said like,... "okay. it really just depends, what were you expecting between us this whole time?"

 

 

She said "i know you were looking for something serious and so am I. Obviously if we meet and hit it off, I would cut off anyone else. I'm just sort of afraid of commitment right now because of my past experiences"

 

 

Recap: Without me really saying much, she's the one telling me how "Good I look" and giving me her number to text her without me even asking for it. I didn't really initiate much at all, she started it all which really has this whole thing feeling weird.

 

 

What the hell is this? I don't even know what to feel, I kind of feel like if I see her I won't even be happy at all after hearing this and kind of pissy inside. To be honest, I'm not even shocked the slightest by these girls anymore. Just not sure If I should even waste my time getting invested in something like this. It just feels weird she'd be doing this with a guy for how many months and seeing him all the time yet wants to basically "Try me out" or something while knowing this the entire time. Idk if that's what you're getting also from this. Thanks!

 

 

No need to meet her if she is telling you she is having sex with another man. Not sure why felt the need to tell you something like that

[Braytc]

When someone is looking for a committed, serious relationship they don't behave like they are not.

 

A person who is looking for a serious relationship would NOT have a FWB. They would be looking for a serious relationship and they would be going on a date or two with a guy and weeding him out if he wasn't compatible with her, only looking for a fling, etc. She would quickly move on in short order to the next. It would be normal for someone who was looking for a relationship to go on one or two off dates with different guys concurrently - proper dates like coffee, etc, a meetup at the local art festival - no sex - just meet and greet - etc, to keep looking for a match. That kind of "casual" dating is one thing - -- but casual sex, a FWB or even the bestie guy friend she treats like one of the girls are all things that a woman seriously looking for someone with husband or long term potential is not doing.

 

I think she knows you are looking for more, so she is qualifying herself - "oh, you are looking for something serious but i'm just screwing around.....but i can stop!!" Be aware that she is NOT looking for anything serious at the present time. The fact that she even mentioned this before the first date is indeed either because she feels guilty, because she wants to check your reaction and to see if you were cool with it, etc.

 

 

Appreciate it. I'm not sure and everything as of now is just simple speculation. But the very, and i mean very first day i started talking to her, she told me she wants something serious and is tired of men looking for hookups and thats it. She said that to me weeks ago, before even what she said last night. So again, who really knows for a fact

[Jeetsun]

 

 

So, I feel like you're kinda setting him up to get hurt.

 

That's certainly the impression I get.

[MissCanuck]

I'm a woman, too.

 

This isn't some convoluted test.

 

This is either:

A) Attention-seeking behaviour. She likes knowing various men want her and she gets off on igniting a little jealousy in them. She thinks it makes her seem "desirable"

 

or

 

B) Her thinking that this level of honesty is the right thing to do, which indicates a lack of discretion and a lack of real relationship experience.

 

Neither of the above is great. It's plain odd that she would reveal all of this to you before even meeting you. Saying she wants something serious and actually pursuing it are totally different ballgames. My guess is that this FWB is more than that to her, but not to him, and she keeps seeing him in hopes it would go further. It hasn't, but she's still at it, and wants you to know that you wouldn't be the only guy she's dating. I would proceed with a big dose of caution on this one, and keep your options open for other girls who don't have anyone else on their radar. This is already a bit messy.

[moneymkt]

I'm a woman, too.

 

This isn't some convoluted test.

 

This is either:

A) Attention-seeking behaviour. She likes knowing various men want her and she gets off on igniting a little jealousy in them. She thinks it makes her seem "desirable"

 

or

 

B) Her thinking that this level of honesty is the right thing to do, which indicates a lack of discretion and a lack of real relationship experience.

 

Neither of the above is great. It's plain odd that she would reveal all of this to you before even meeting you. Saying she wants something serious and actually pursuing it are totally different ballgames. My guess is that this FWB is more than that to her, but not to him, and she keeps seeing him in hopes it would go further. It hasn't, but she's still at it, and wants you to know that you wouldn't be the only guy she's dating. I would proceed with a big dose of caution on this one, and keep your options open for other girls who don't have anyone else on their radar. This is already a bit messy.

 

 

I don't see why he would proceed at all since she revealed she is currently having sex with another guy

[MissCanuck]

I don't see why he would proceed at all since she revealed she is currently having sex with another guy

 

I agree with you, but I get the sense the OP is conflicted and still thinking of going out with her.

[Braytc]

I'm a woman, too.

 

This isn't some convoluted test.

 

This is either:

A) Attention-seeking behaviour. She likes knowing various men want her and she gets off on igniting a little jealousy in them. She thinks it makes her seem "desirable"

 

or

 

B) Her thinking that this level of honesty is the right thing to do, which indicates a lack of discretion and a lack of real relationship experience.

 

Neither of the above is great. It's plain odd that she would reveal all of this to you before even meeting you. Saying she wants something serious and actually pursuing it are totally different ballgames. My guess is that this FWB is more than that to her, but not to him, and she keeps seeing him in hopes it would go further. It hasn't, but she's still at it, and wants you to know that you wouldn't be the only guy she's dating. I would proceed with a big dose of caution on this one, and keep your options open for other girls who don't have anyone else on their radar. This is already a bit messy.

 

 

Perfectly valid speculation. I've been getting a boat load of different answers from both men and women. I'm going to go out with her simply out of curiosity and to see what is really up IN PERSON. If she actually doesn't want the other guy in a relationship sense and is actually looking for someone different, like me, i'd be willing to see where we end up. Otherwise, I have plenty of other dates ready to go if this is just turns out bad.

 

Someone said:

"What that girl did is what I personally would have done to anyone I liked enough.

 

She's telling you the truth because she wants to be honest with you and not start the relationship on a lie.

 

If it's a deal breaker, she'd rather see you not be okay with it and leave her alone. For you to make the decision to not see her then and there rather than waiting further down the line."

 

Guess what they are saying is, she wants to see how much I like her, to continue pursing her knowing that I'm aware of going on, or will i just run away.

[nsolo]

My two cents: Focus on dating other women. If you've done any research concerning friends-with-benefits relationships, you'll see they're widely unsuccessful because one person or the other person wants it to become more than it is. This chick is into him. Plain and simple. She wouldn't risk something potentially good with you by telling you this if she weren't. I'd consider her a sex buddy, if anything. Most likely y'all won't have a second date though.

[nsolo]

I don't see why he would proceed at all since she revealed she is currently having sex with another guy

 

Moneymkt, don't think some of the women you date won't be seeing other guys too. Until the exclusivity talk comes up and y'all have an agreement, all bets are off.

[moneymkt]

Moneymkt, don't think some of the women you date won't be seeing other guys too. Until the exclusivity talk comes up and y'all have an agreement, all bets are off.

 

I know but it's not something I need to hear about.

[Careerchoice]

This chick is into him.

 

I don't think so, otherwise why would she be talking to other guys? If she were really into this fwb, she'd be trying to make it monogamous with him.

[figureitout23]

I don't think so, otherwise why would she be talking to other guys? If she were really into this fwb, she'd be trying to make it monogamous with him.

 

Career, read what people are saying.

 

With FWB often times one person wants more than what the other does, she can be very into him (looks like many believe she is) but it's not being reciprocated so she's seeking out someone else. IF that's the case (again, many believe it is) you are putting yourself at risk.

 

You keep saying you have many dates ready to go, but youre giving readers the impression that you're pretty into this chick. That's ok! Nothing wrong with that, what a lot of people are telling you is you may want to tread lightly because what she's doing is RED FLAG city.

 

You keep trying to sugar coat things and convince yourself it's some sort of test, when you should be preparing yourself for the risk of her playing games with you, because right now, it's not looking good.

[Braytc]

I don't think so, otherwise why would she be talking to other guys? If she were really into this fwb, she'd be trying to make it monogamous with him.

 

That's my thought as well. I could see both sides of the ball, don't get me wrong. But this definitely is a possibility. In my past going from my past experience, if there's a girl I really like, I basically block out everyone else and don't even check my messages lol. Only person I focus on is that person. If it doesn't work out, then i move on to the other ones