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Is he emotionally abusive or is there something wrong with me?


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I've never done a forum before but I'm in dire need of other opinions outside of my own and my boyfriends. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and we fell madly in love during his separation from his ex wife. Early on in the height of the honeymoon phase I realized how jealous and insecure he is by his reactions to anything to do with my POS ex and any other topic that relates to another man. When we first met I stopped getting on Facebook and making posts (totally my own decision because I've had relationship issues because of facebook) so I told him I did that out of respect and effort to have a successful relationship. Well after a year my sister passed away and my whole family lives in another state so I got back on Facebook to post about my sister and comfort the rest of my family during that time. Months later I had changed my profile picture and he went off on me and called me every name in the book telling me I was advertising myself and accused of me posting the pic for attention from men. I gave him my password and told him to look on there anytime he wanted and then he accused me of cheating bc there were messages from other dudes hitting on me. I never responded to any of them and he could see that. He said I lied bc I said nothing was in there but the truth is that I just forgot about those messages. Now 2 years later he still throws it in my face at least once a week and calls me a liar. I guess technically I did lie but not intentionally because I just forgot. I have epilepsy and have a horrible memory bc of it and I forget so much. He says I use that as a copout. I've told him if he doesn't stop throwing that in my face I'd leave. I love him so much but I feel like he is emotionally abusing me but I'm not sure if it's me. I don't understand how posting a selfie caused years of fighting and name calling and he said I hurt him so bad. Can someone else shed some light? I'd really like a mans opinion too.

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I think you're seeing your bf's jealous and insecure behavior very clearly for what it is. Whether or not an anonymous forum writer labels his behavior as "abuse," the important thing is how does his behavior feel to you?


Your bf's responsible for his behavior and you, yours. The selfie was simply a convenient excuse for him to make more accusations and to punish you for reaching out to others and not obeying him. Until he changes his way of thinking ("Any woman I'm with is likely to cheat on or leave me.") his behavior isn't likely to change. Is this the type of relationship you want to be in?

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You don't mention any other examples of his behavior, but I can't imagine this jealous, comtrolling stuff is limited to this one FB incident. Even if it is, you didn't do anything wrong and it's bizarre that he's still harping on it after all this time.


One thing controlling partners do is to try to isolate their SOs from friends and family, and in this day and age not wanting/allowing one's partner to have social media accounts is a form of that.


Yes, some women do get on FB and elsewhere and troll for male attention. I don't think you were doing that. However, your boyfriend apparently does and believes that you somehow intentionally got those men to hit on you and then hid it from him. That's somewhat illogical, especially since you gave him your password. However, maybe you posted a pic of yourself in lingerie and said "What do you think, boys?" I guess I don't know. Fine, then if he finds that unacceptable why is he still with you? Or if it isn't still happening, why won't he let it go?


Because in his twisted view, no woman can really be trusted and therefore must simply be carefully watched and kept on a short leash. You can't have a healthy relationship under those circumstances. I'm glad you stood up for yourself on this issue, but there's no way this behavior isn't cropping up in other ways.

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There have definitely been more incidents. He always judged me when I told him anything about my ex so I stopped telling him everything because I didn't feel like getting judged. It really bothered him that I didn't include him more so I started telling him everything and he kept judging and making derogatory comments. So basically I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. I really wonder if I'm dealing with emotional abuse at this point. I was just praying things could work out.

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getting together with him while he was separating from his wife was unwise. i hope they eventually divorced at least?


doesn't sound like you were over your POS ex either, since he ended up brought into the conversation by you so often. can't see how he wouldn't be bothered.


not that it was acceptable for him to log into your account or beotch over a picture, but since you were up for that, and didn't show the blocked list of guys who hit on you (i take it you didn't because they weren't blocked), he might, especially if he is so twisted, obsessed and controlling, have though you were keeping them there for attention. if the selfie was of the attention-geared revealing kind, he could've extended it to that.


nevertheless, i would be out the door the second someone demanded my passwords and to go through my private correspondence, much less called me names and controlled me.


i can't see how a fairly normal partner partner would even notice the facebook thing, or care to check, let alone go on about it for the amount of time it takes other people to finish school.


he sounds like majorly #$%"#ed in the head. yes, controlling relationships are abusive.

really concerning you are "praying things could work", given two years of this.

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They are divorced and trust me when I tell you there were absolutely no harbored feelings for my narcissistic ex. And the selfie was not inappropriate or promiscuous in any way. I changed it because I had an old pic on there and just wanted to change it. It doesn't matter anymore because we broke up today. I love him so much but I can't mentally deal with the toxicity and anxiety From always having to defend myself from his gaslighting and double standards. I wasted years of my life and loyalty to someone who just always made me question myself and sanity. I was good to him and I would've fought harder if I thought there was any chance of resolution but I think there's a deeper issue that can't be fixed. Thanks from the input. I appreciate it. It's good to hear other opinions outside of my own .

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The truth is, my ex is the epitome of a narcissist and I am not using that word just express how I feel. It's based off of 6 years and 2 children later of being manipulated, controlled and even physically abused that motivated me to spend extensive research and study on physiological disorders particularly in adults and relationships. The problem is that these type of men/women systematically present themselves with charm, and what seem to be very good characteristic traits. They get you to open up so they can use your weaknesses to gain control while slowly using it as ammunition to break you down and fell like they are all you have. Yeah no I'm too familiar with that type of man and they will never change. You'll be in relationship prison with a narcissist. This recent one has serious insecurity issues but he wasn't a narcissist. It could be another type of social disorder but it takes months and months for their true colors to come out so it's very difficult to walk away from the one you love. I will never forget the way he'd make me feel like i was everything but I'll also never forget the way he could make me feel like I was nothing. Love sucks

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