fireflies

No, you're not a pervert... just a deviantART lover! Some women may be offended. Some won't. That's the risk you take. We all have our predilections. As long as you're not harming anyone, own yours! And who knows... maybe you'll find a woman who shares in your interests?

Timjd, I once met a gentlemen who revealed his foot fetish to me. Although we never played "footsie", his revelation made me curious and I did a lot of surfing to try and understand why he found feet so sexy. I still don't know , but like ShySoul says if a girl likes you, you'd be surprised by what she might be willing to do to make you happy. I agree with the other posters. Ease her into it. Offer to give her a foot massage. Tell her her feet are pretty (on second thought use the word 'sexy'). Take her shoe shopping (lol and help her pick out a pair to model later...). Paint her toenails. She'll love the pampering. This way when you finally do tell her about your secret fantasies, your fetish won't seem so strange or foreign. Just make sure that no matter how sexy her feet are to you that your focus continues to be on how much you love all of her.

If a person doesn't believe they need friends, then they'll behave as if they don't. They won't do the necessary things to forge lasting friendships like sharing fun experiences, reaching out and making emotional connections, seeking common ground, and getting to know one another on a deeper level. It's not easy, but friendships are like anything else worth attaining in this world, you reap what you sow. I find it interesting that in the same post that you claim not to need friends, you list some of the very reasons why you feel alienated. Is it logical to assume you don't need friends, when your own words are telling you that you can't rely on yourself for everything? What you seem to be experiencing now is the fruit of your insistence that friends are not necessary... Work pays the bills and affords you the nicer things in life, but it can't love you, listen to your problems, point out your strengths in moments of doubt, laugh with you at the absurdities of life, celebrate your most joyous moments with you, wipe away your tears, or lift you up in your darkest moments. It won't kiss you, hold you, or make love to you either. Thank goodness! Work the problem.

Brilliant and true Yang. Caldus, in reading your post one thing stands out: You seem to be afraid to admit that you need friends. Why?

If she doesn't like to be asked, than it's probably because she feels pressured to satisfy you when she doesn't particularly feel like it. Sex is fun, but how much of the intimate time you spend together is about making her feel special and loved? Do you ever romance her outside the bedroom? She might have started losing interest if the sex became routine and it seemed to her to be more about your sex drive and less about your feelings for her. I know it's an uncomfortable topic, but ask her why she's lost interest. This might be easily resolved, but you both need to talking honestly about what's really going on first. Good luck!

Ok, first things first... W_Maxwell!!! I have 3 birthday wishes for you... 1. Anything your heart desires (as long as it's legal!) 2. That your find new friends who love and respect you. Enotalone is a great place to start! 3. That your friends and Ex someday suffer the embarrassment (and justice) of bringing helpless and buck naked children into this world. In other words... you don't deserve to be treated like this. You know that, but sometimes it helps to hear it from a 'stranger'. Hugs, Fireflies

I've never been that angry, but from what I understand if you tend to feel that way it's probably because you've repressed a lot of it and it comes out when you either can't take it anymore or you feel safe enough to let loose (like around your girlfriend.) The problem is she doesn't deserve it and if you keep this up you might just end up pushing her away and losing her! If you love her, please try to find healthier ways of expressing your feelings and dealing with your frustrations like exercise, anger management, assertiveness training, etc. There are a lot of great anger management resources online but here's one of my faves...

Antigravity, If you had her at "hello" , I don't think getting her consent to be ravaged should be all that difficult. But this time make it last... and make it magical. Romance her with a nice dinner (you get major bonus points if you cook it yourself), candlelight, flowers, wine, and soft music. Slow dancing anyone? Although you long to bed her, that shouldn't be the goal of the evening. Make the night about enjoying each other's company and getting to know one another even more intimately. If there's a natural attraction between the two of you and the moment feels right, everything else -- every breath, word, scent, taste, touch, and sound -- will just fall into place. Cheers!

It's hard to say what's going on, but it sounds like after you wrote him how you felt, he's temporarily placed you in the 'friend' category meaning he likes you enough to hang out but doesn't know you know well enough yet for any sort of commitment. The girl could just be his "homegirl" or he could be one of those guys who prefers to date several girls at once until one stands out in his mind. Regardless the bottom line is he chose to end the night early and spend his time elsewhere. I hate to say it, but this doesn't like the behavior of a guy in lust or love. The question is - What do you really want? Is how he treats you now, okay with you??? If not, try talking to him. It's the only way to know what he really thinks and feels. (No judging, but this is why many of us advise putting off the sex until you're certain that the other person truly loves and respects you. Sex can bring into play powerful emotions that bond us to the person we've bedded. And if you don't know the person all that well, the attachment can be a very painful & eye-opening one as reality breaks through the haze of fantasy.)

Article: Should A-List Girls Marry for Love? I don't think the problem is a matter of "dating down" so much as a matter of "imbalance" (givers vs. takers) and issues of incompatibility. In essense it's about how WELL two people treat each other. One may come from a higher socioeconomic class or bring in more money, but as long as the other is contributing to the relationship in other vital ways, and both individuals feel valued and cherished for their contributions, it shouldn't be a problem. The problem comes from mistakenly believing that 1) one person's contribution is more valuable than the other and thereforeeee they're "owed" loyalty, love, etc. 2) love can ever be "earned", "bought", "deserved", or "insured" 3) anything good can grow from one person doing all the giving while the other simply "takes." People in love want to make each other happy. "Taking" is the antithesis of love. Bottom line: If the two people involved were emotionally connected, shared common interests/values ,and cherished each other, dating up or down wouldn't even be a question.

You know how when you love someone you want to spend every single second with him??? It's troubling to me that he's being so "casual" about how he feels about you. He seems comfortable with the way things are, but not willing to put forth much effort. Being busy is not much of an excuse. I know guys who work 80+ hours a week and yet they find the time to make their girls feel loved. I know you really like this guy, but asking him frequently how he feels about you isn't going to change a thing. If you're really not getting the love and attention that you need from a boyfriend, then it's time to tell him how you really feel or let him go. You deserve better don't ya think?

More ideas here...

Yes I really believe this girl was in love... but with the idea of love, not necessarily the guy or any guy. But I could be wrong... How did she treat the Ex when they were together?

Yes, but whether or not you'll get a "Yes" depends on the girl, whether or not she's interested, and how she takes your "bluntness." You're more likely to meet with romantic success if you take the time to flirt, get to know her, and see if she flirts back before you "attack" your prey.

I can understand rivalry between friends, but I think a relationship that entails a blow job and "zero" dates isn't much to be envied. Yes there are people who can meet and fall in love right away, but her "success" or not with this guy has absolutely no bearing on how loveable or not you are, so it's pointless to compare your love life against hers.

Kudos LearningProcess! It's admirable that you're finishing your education, exploring your own issues through therapy, and pursuing new interests. You don't say how long ago the breakup was, but the fact that she wanted to be the one who took you out to dinner on your birthday seems like a really good sign to me! In light of all that, I vote " green light" on the pretzels and origami.

I think it's a sweet idea! But since you're concerned about giving her "space" we need a little more information. When did you break up? And why?

Teacup, most people don't get me either. That's ok. I'd worry if they did! Imho a sense of humor is vital. Life is hard enough as is without someone at our side helping us to laugh our way through the tears.

Make a game of it. See how many different ways you can come up with greeting her. Who knows? She might just start playing back! Personally I've always liked "Hello beautiful!" A good place to get started...

Right now you're going through love withdrawl pains, so it's only natural to feel that you'll never meet and fall in love again. Your Ex has been your world for quite sometime, so it's going to take quite sometime to get over him. Part of the healing process is learning how to replace on your own the positive feelings and experiences that being with him used to give you. This is why it's crucial now that you take good care of yourself and nurture yourself through this tough period. Never settle. As painful as it is now, there's no rush to get into another relationship. Take the time to heal, process your feelings, and fully understand what went right or wrong about this relationship and what you would have done differently or not, so that the next time a man walks into your life, you'll know if he's right for you or not. One day your heart will be ready to take a leap of faith again. Until then, be kind to yourself. With each passing day, it'll get better I promise.

The signs vary from girl to girl, but here are some big ones: 1. She tends to laugh at most of your jokes no matter how stupid they are. 2. She tries to hang around you a lot and there isn't a good reason for her being there. 3. She always looks really happy or excited to see you. 4. She enjoys playfighting with you. She might punch you in the arm, play with your hair, tickle you, or come up behind you and cover your eyes with her hands because she's looking for excuses to touch you affectionately. 5. She looks sad or upset if you seem highly interested in some other girl.

Hajimaji, for clubs/organizations check your phonebook, local & alternative newspapers and favorite hangouts for ideas. Tell me your hobbies, and I'll tell you where to look. Opportunities to work with kids are easy to find. You could read books to kids at the library. Tutor kids afterschool. Babysit at your local YWCA/YMCA while parents exercise. Make a terminally ill's child's last wish come true via Make-A-Wish foundation. Coach a sports team. Volunteer at a local museum as a children's docent (tour guide.) The easiest way to locate opportunities is to make contact with a specific non-profit or charity in your town (or check with your local United Way: link removed You can also search online databases here for specific opportunities in your area: link removed link removed link removed link removed Here's a megalist of the best volunteer sites online: link removed

What are you into? I find the best way to make new friends is to volunteer or join clubs/organizations that inspire you or involve things you already like to do.

Being reserved is hard, but I think you're dwelling on the wrong there. An attractive girl -- you actually like -- hit on you at least 3 times that evening. She clearly was interested and would have given you her number if you had asked. If that's not good fortune staring you in the face, I don't know what is! I think being shy/reserved is like any phobia. You need gradual exposure to what makes you fearful/anxious to get over it. Instead of practicing on girls you like, start a few steps lower. Like Beec said try making small talk to cashiers, kids, seniors, people you're waiting in line with and work your way up to co-workers, girls you're not interested in, and finally people who make your heart skip a beat. Instead of focusing on what you don't want to happen, focus on what you might have in common with others. This is why people ask all those inane questions like "How are you?" "What do you do for a living?" "Seen any good movies lately?" etc. We're looking for common ground. While the pressure's off, why not see how many of those inane questions you can come up with now? This way the next time you're out, you'll be ready to make small talk with anyone at any time. Be playful. When she mentioned her shoes, I would have said something silly like, "Yes, but they're not quite me." Focus on trying to have fun yourself and these quips will come naturally. If you have to change who you are, then you're right she probably isn't the one for you. But at this stage where you don't know each other very well, it's pointless to be asking yourself that kind of self-defeating question. Just be yourself, sincerely interested in learning more about others, and see where that carries you. If I were you, I'd drop her a line with your number and a rose. Ask her if she's free this weekend to go shoe shopping This way you get to admire her legs and she can play dress up with your feet!

Poor hygiene. No comment necessary. Arrogance. If you're really that great, you greatness will speak for itself. Getting too close. A few weeks ago I was sampling cds at a music store, and although there were racks and racks of music, some guy kept feeling the need to stand right next to me (inches) and invade my breathing space. Even worse he felt the need to follow me around the store. Ewww. Unwanted touching or sexual attention. One guy I knew in college really creeped girls out, not because he was geeky (which he was), but because he wouldn't stop touching us in intimate ways no matter how many times we told him politely to back off. i.e. I'd be minding my own business in the cafeteria line when I'd feel a pair of cold, clammy hands massaging my shoulders. Gross! Being negative / whining. Everyone has a right to be depressed, but if you're trying to impress a girl then constantly complaining about stuff or pointing out the downside to every situation is a big turnoff. Blaming your parents for your woes and putting down others make a guy seem immature, insecure, and petty. In general girls like guys who are optimistic and excited about their future and who can keep the conversation fun, light, and interesting. Having nothing to say. Most girls can talk circles around the average guy, but if you want to win a girl's affections, you can't expect her to carry the entire conversation. Be interested in what she has to say and ask her lots of thoughtful questions about herself. If you like her you should want to know what makes her tick anyway. Conversely you also have to be interesting to keep her interested. Live in an interesting life with your own interests, goals, and social life apart from hers and you'll always have something to talk about. Lying. Exaggerating is one thing, but if you feel the need to lie in order to get with a girl, don't. The truth always comes out and no girl wants to be with a liar. Being cheap. One of my husband's guy friends is known for never getting a second date. While he's on dates he complains about the cost of everything: movies, dinner, gas, etc. Yes girls should pay for dates too, but if you're the "host" that night, complaining has only one effect: making the girl feel like you don't think she's worth the effort. Needless to say, he doesn't get invited out by friends very often either.