I keep trying to fight it but....I HATE MY EX!

[LordRorek]

I keep trying to forgive and let it go.

 

But no matter how much I try to forgive, let it go, be at peace, feel compassion and sympathy for her, send her only love and light, etc etc, MY ANGER AND RESENTMENT JUST KEEP SNEAKING UP ON ME!!!

 

I keep trying to focus on me but at random times I will think of her and then think to myself "I HATE YOU!", "I HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL!", "I WISH YOU ONLY PAIN AND MISERY!", "YOU SHOULD KILL YOURSELF AND DO THE WORLD A FAVOR!", "YOU ARE WEAK AND COWARDLY!", "I HOPE YOU DIE MIERABLE AND ALONE!", "I HOPE SOME CRUSHES YOUR HEART AND SHATTERS YOUR SOUL LIKE YOU DID MINE!", "I HOPE SOMEONE MAKES YOU FEEL AS VIOLATED AND USED AS I DID!".

 

Then I tell myself "We're all human", "He of you who is without sin cast the first stone.", "Feel compassion and sympathy for her.", "She is going to be miserable in the future so you should feel sorry for her.", "(My name) you have to forgive if you want to heal.", "(Her name) I wish you a long and happy life.", "You shouldn't be angry (My name) becasue she is irrelevent.".

 

I keep trying not to hate her but......G0DD@MN IT I DO!!! I F$*%ING HATE HER WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING!!!

 

I don't wanna hate, I just wanna be indifferent to her and what she did to my family and me.

 

But god is it hard not to hate. I think this is the hardest I have ever tried to do.

 

I have to fight to keep myself from having these imaginary arguments with her and it is an uphill battle every second of the day not to mentally, yell, scream, or destroy her.

 

Sorry I just needed to rant and maybe a little encouragement. LOL

 

-LordRorek

 

P.S. If you want to hear my story I posted it here

[LaHermes]

LordRorek.

 

It isn't about forgiving her, and forgetting is unlikely although the memories do fade with time.

 

People tend to misinterpret "forgiving", so don't torment yourself.

 

"Forgiving" means letting go, letting the abscess drain of all the poison, dead tissue and germs.

 

Like climbing a rock face, don't look down, keep going, and don't look back. I once read a very good remark: "Don't look back cos the view sure ain't pretty".

 

Try any technique you think might help you. Visualization is excellent. It takes a while to get the hang of it, a bit like learning to cycle, and then you get the trick of it.

 

Try not to be hard on yourself.

[LordRorek]

LordRorek.

 

It isn't about forgiving her, and forgetting is unlikely although the memories do fade with time.

 

People tend to misinterpret "forgiving", so don't torment yourself.

 

"Forgiving" means letting go, letting the abscess drain of all the poison, dead tissue and germs.

 

Like climbing a rock face, don't look down, keep going, and don't look back. I once read a very good remark: "Don't look back cos the view sure ain't pretty".

 

Try any technique you think might help you. Visualization is excellent. It takes a while to get the hang of it, a bit like learning to cycle, and then you get the trick of it.

 

Try not to be hard on yourself.

 

I know...I'm not trying to be hard on myself, I know everyone goes through this at their own pace.

 

I'm just so tired of feeling anything towards her.

 

I don't know how she sleeps at night! I could never have done what she did and not at least try my hardest to make amends! The guilt would destroy me inside!

 

She makes a half-assed attempt to apologize and (Since I last broke NC and looked at her facebook page) she is off getting a tattoo with her new boyfriend!

 

I don't understand it! I couldn't even think of being happy after doing what she did!

 

If she had at least made a sincere attempt at making amends then I could understand it!

 

How can she do this and just forget I ever existed! Forget all the pain she caused us! Forget everything and pretend like nothing happened!

[LaHermes]

Sadly LR

 

How can she do this and just forget I ever existed! Forget all the pain she caused us! Forget everything and pretend like nothing happened!

 

You didn't exist, LR, because with people of this kind the "other" is objectified. As far as she was concerned you might as well have been a fridge or washing machine.

 

She isn't pretending. In her mind it didn't happen.

 

You've got to get it into your head that the "reality" of these individuals is not the same as ours.

[LordRorek]

Sadly LR

 

How can she do this and just forget I ever existed! Forget all the pain she caused us! Forget everything and pretend like nothing happened!

 

You didn't exist, LR, because with people of this kind the "other" is objectified. As far as she was concerned you might as well have been a fridge or washing machine.

 

She isn't pretending. In her mind it didn't happen.

 

You've got to get it into your head that the "reality" of these individuals is not the same as ours.

Yeah I know.

 

I just need to vent.

 

I have longed given up hope on an apology and an explanation.

 

And even if she did explain...none of her explanations would make sense to me.

 

The reason being that there is no reason I can possibly comprehend that would justify her behavior before, during, or after the break up.

[LaHermes]

Understood, LordR.

 

It is so exasperating, unjust and plain difficult to understand.

 

You won't get an explanation or any apology. Such an individual has no sense of appropriateness. It is how they are.

 

Try to imagine, if you can, that what happened is that you were dealing with an alien. No human qualities.

[LordRorek]

Understood, LordR.

 

It is so exasperating, unjust and plain difficult to understand.

 

You won't get an explanation or any apology. Such an individual has no sense of appropriateness. It is how they are.

 

Try to imagine, if you can, that what happened is that you were dealing with an alien. No human qualities.

ROFLMFAO!!! 😂

 

I have never thought of her being an alien but perhaps your on to something.

 

(👧 = 👽 = 😲 😂

 

You said something about thought adjustment earlier what did you mean by that?

[LaHermes]

Glad that I made you smile LR. We all need a few smiles every day. lol.

 

In essence such people are aliens, more to be pitied than hated. Imagine inhabiting a world where you don't even know who you are (the shattered self). So you set up a false self, and you can't even see whether others around you are inanimate objects or not. These are crippled people.

 

I think it was visualization that I mentioned......yes?

[Krankor]

OK, so you hate her. That's fine. You don't have to feel good about someone who hurt you. Just feel what you feel.

 

I would suggest though that your hatred is probably more just hurt and anger. But if it feels like hate that's fine. You don't owe her any well wishes. Just don't let it drag you down. Live the best life you can.

[LordRorek]

Glad that I made you smile LR. We all need a few smiles every day. lol.

 

In essence such people are aliens, more to be pitied than hated. Imagine inhabiting a world where you don't even know who you are (the shattered self). So you set up a false self, and you can't even see whether others around you are inanimate objects or not. These are crippled people.

 

I think it was visualization that I mentioned......yes?

Yeah visualisation, that's what I meant.

[Annia]

I think that post break up anger is normal. I think that you shouldn't try to go against it in a forcefull manner. Anger and resentment are normal feelings when situations like this happen. Sometimes instead of fighting it it's better to use it in productive ways. Anger can be a great fuel.

 

I don't know what to tell you besides that sometimes it's better to accept the stage we're in and go with it. You're being brave and self aware by admitting that you still hate her. That's ok. If you can redirect that anger to better things and don't let it consume you, I think you'll be in the right path.

[LordRorek]

I think that post break up anger is normal. I think that you shouldn't try to go against it in a forcefull manner. Anger and resentment are normal feelings when situations like this happen. Sometimes instead of fighting it it's better to use it in productive ways. Anger can be a great fuel.

 

I don't know what to tell you besides that sometimes it's better to accept the stage we're in and go with it. You're being brave and self aware by admitting that you still hate her. That's ok. If you can redirect that anger to better things and don't let it consume you, I think you'll be in the right path.

I have been working on channeling my rage positively.... I guess I just want to be free from all this pain.

 

Kinda like I wanted to cheat the process. 😂

 

I am a Christian and I know God wants us to be filled with peace and love not hatred and resentment.

 

I guess I feel this is beneath me.

 

I have lived a hard life, I have struggled with learning disabilities, living in poverty, my biological father abandoning our family, and now my ex crushing my heart and soul.

 

I have been struggling and fighting all my life.....I'm just so tired of fighting....

 

I feel so weak and foolish even saying this because I know so many people out there are suffering so much more than me.

[blitzkrieged]

Jesus and mother Mary. Can you imagine dating the mom? Think of the poor husband who had his will broken a long time ago! Well good news, because that's exactly what you almost signed up for, for life!!! and you had the good fortune of escaping while still under the spell!! The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, like father like son, and all those things are said for a reason. Many older people will tell you they didn't realize how much they would turn out like their parents in at least a few ways, until much later. Even if she somehow broke the mold, you would still be stuck with all of them.

 

Throw yourself a party because you just avoided a lifetime of misery for yourself, your family, and I guarantee any children you would've had too... Who then may have been compelled to repeat the cycle with their children, their children's partners, and so on, and so forth. It's kind of like karma. It's crazy to look at it in such a big picture kind of way, but it helps me at least, knowing it's in the best interest of all of humanity that we do not entertain this behavior, let alone reproduce and raise our kids with it! We can't save this messed up world by ourselves but the choices we do have, reverberate into eternity.

 

I know it's hard to see with the emotions clouding your judgement, but like it's like everyone said, there is no way you would have been happy in the long term. You are so lucky you didn't end up married to this for life. She doesn't even see anything wrong with this picture for god's sake, how are YOU supposed to fix something the other person won't even acknowledge is broken?

 

You say she's broken because of how she was raised, but what about you?

In what ways has having such an amazing family taught you about how to be loved, and what you truly deserve? And how good it can all be?

Do yourself a favor and look for another woman with some qualities that you see in your parents, because you seem to have great a great example there, at the very least.

[boltnrun]

It seems to me you don't hate her. You still love her. But you hate that you still love her.

 

It's not really all that uncommon actually.

[LordRorek]

It seems to me you don't hate her. You still love her. But you hate that you still love her.

 

It's not really all that uncommon actually.

Well I don't love her anymore that ended when she said "I don't want to live with you or your retarded brother."

 

I mean I miss what we had together but ultimately I just get really angry about how she treated me and my family.

 

I'm feeling better today. I was just having a really rough day yesterday and needed to vent.

[LordRorek]

Jesus and mother Mary. Can you imagine dating the mom? Think of the poor husband who had his will broken a long time ago! Well good news, because that's exactly what you almost signed up for, for life!!! and you had the good fortune of escaping while still under the spell!! The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, like father like son, and all those things are said for a reason. Many older people will tell you they didn't realize how much they would turn out like their parents in at least a few ways, until much later. Even if she somehow broke the mold, you would still be stuck with all of them.

 

Throw yourself a party because you just avoided a lifetime of misery for yourself, your family, and I guarantee any children you would've had too... Who then may have been compelled to repeat the cycle with their children, their children's partners, and so on, and so forth. It's kind of like karma. It's crazy to look at it in such a big picture kind of way, but it helps me at least, knowing it's in the best interest of all of humanity that we do not entertain this behavior, let alone reproduce and raise our kids with it! We can't save this messed up world by ourselves but the choices we do have, reverberate into eternity.

 

I know it's hard to see with the emotions clouding your judgement, but like it's like everyone said, there is no way you would have been happy in the long term. You are so lucky you didn't end up married to this for life. She doesn't even see anything wrong with this picture for god's sake, how are YOU supposed to fix something the other person won't even acknowledge is broken?

 

You say she's broken because of how she was raised, but what about you?

In what ways has having such an amazing family taught you about how to be loved, and what you truly deserve? And how good it can all be?

Do yourself a favor and look for another woman with some qualities that you see in your parents, because you seem to have great a great example there, at the very least.

Oh trust me I have been on the hunt for a good woman. 😂

 

I know that she did me a favor by breaking up with me.

 

I just get really angry sometimes about how she did it.

 

She was so cruel and terrible to my family and me.

 

I was just having a hard day yesterday. 😂

[thealchemist]

If you are feeling hateful then don't try to push it away. Embrace it. You need to get it out of your system and repressing it only elongates your time trying to fight it.

 

Hate is pretty normal. In a toxic relationship hate and love are very intertwined. They ebb and flow. Part of the reason why you are addicted to it yet know it is bad (toxic relationships).

 

If your hate doesn't go away after awhile then you might need to start some kind of therapy.

 

I can be a pretty hateful person so I have a lot of experience dealing with it.

[blitzkrieged]

Oh trust me I have been on the hunt for a good woman. 😂

 

I know that she did me a favor by breaking up with me.

 

I just get really angry sometimes about how she did it.

 

She was so cruel and terrible to my family and me.

 

I was just having a hard day yesterday. 😂

 

Well I hope you're feeling better today.

 

Yeah... Sorry, I guess I was actually reacting to the original novella you wrote. As far as the anger, use it to your advantage. It's like energy currency and you can use it to do a number of awesome things, that may normally be too much to push through when you're comfortable. I don't know what you're into but this is a time to spend that energy running up mountains, getting washboard abs, or if you're a programmer ( if I got that right), it can give you the energy to work 10 hours straight on whatever project you're focused on.

 

Anger is actually a step up from sadness and depression I think, because you went from feeling like a helpless victim, to feeling strongly about what is right and wrong for you, and that was SO wrong. Doesn't matter how she was in the relationship (which included being completely and utterly dependent on parents approval; to the point where she was hardly making her own decisions. Kind of sad for an adult if you ask me, and they may have even completely brainwashed her by the end), how she acted after is a big part of who she is too. You once told her loved her too much to hate her I think, but those things go hand in hand, you couldn't hate her for doing this if you hadn't loved her so much.

 

So know you're getting better at least. Anger is your ticket to pride, which is your ticket to revenge, which if done correctly, will be when she one day runs into your parents/siblings/slips up on social media or something and finds out that you are now making 6 figures in an awesome company, and are engaged to a beautiful and sweet young lady, while her parents just scared off the latest dude once again. Pow!pow! picture that when you get angry!

[LordRorek]

Well I hope you're feeling better today.

 

Yeah... Sorry, I guess I was actually reacting to the original novella you wrote. As far as the anger, use it to your advantage. It's like energy currency and you can use it to do a number of awesome things, that may normally be too much to push through when you're comfortable. I don't know what you're into but this is a time to spend that energy running up mountains, getting washboard abs, or if you're a programmer ( if I got that right), it can give you the energy to work 10 hours straight on whatever project you're focused on.

 

Anger is actually a step up from sadness and depression I think, because you went from feeling like a helpless victim, to feeling strongly about what is right and wrong for you, and that was SO wrong. Doesn't matter how she was in the relationship (which included being completely and utterly dependent on parents approval; to the point where she was hardly making her own decisions. Kind of sad for an adult if you ask me, and they may have even completely brainwashed her by the end), how she acted after is a big part of who she is too. You once told her loved her too much to hate her I think, but those things go hand in hand, you couldn't hate her for doing this if you hadn't loved her so much.

 

So know you're getting better at least. Anger is your ticket to pride, which is your ticket to revenge, which if done correctly, will be when she one day runs into your parents/siblings/slips up on social media or something and finds out that you are now making 6 figures in an awesome company, and are engaged to a beautiful and sweet young lady, while her parents just scared off the latest dude once again. Pow!pow! picture that when you get angry!

ROFLMFAO!!!

 

That's a fantasy I have quite often blitzkrieg!!! 😂

 

You know what they say the best revenge is to live well.

 

P.S. Novella huh? very aptly named. Thanks for reading my story. I'm not the most eloquent writer but I hope you enjoyed it. ☺

 

P.P.S Your comment has made my day! Thank you so much! 😊

[LonelyJedi]

It is one of the stages of getting over a break-up.

 

I agree about saying you do not hate her, but rather the emotions you feel towards her you hate. I know how that is.

 

I have not gotten to the hatred stage yet. I pity my ex, she is living in her own hell that SHE created.

 

Looking back at the memories does hurt, TRUST ME on that. I am sure she is remembering all of the memories too, but will never admit it.

[LaHermes]

"Hate traps us by binding us too tightly to our adversary.” Milan Kundera

 

Anger is not the same, LR.

 

Anger can flare up (but not be entertained overlong), and act as an energising agent.

[LordRorek]

"Hate traps us by binding us too tightly to our adversary.” Milan Kundera

 

Anger is not the same, LR.

 

Anger can flare up (but not be entertained overlong), and act as an energising agent.

Hmmm that is a good point.

 

Maybe I'm confusing anger for hatred?

[LaHermes]

Just a bit of info on anger.

 

"Anger is an existential given. An archetypal human emotion. Chronic repression or suppression of anger is counterproductive and, ultimately, futile and dangerous. This is why we as a culture need to encourage the acceptance of anger as a natural phenomenon, and teach children, adolescents and young adults how to manage and express it more constructively."

 

From:

 

 

Dr. Stephen Diamond, Ph.D., is a clinical and forensic psychologist in Los Angeles, and the author of Anger, Madness, and the Daimonic

[LordRorek]

Just a bit of info on anger.

 

"Anger is an existential given. An archetypal human emotion. Chronic repression or suppression of anger is counterproductive and, ultimately, futile and dangerous. This is why we as a culture need to encourage the acceptance of anger as a natural phenomenon, and teach children, adolescents and young adults how to manage and express it more constructively."

 

From:

 

 

Dr. Stephen Diamond, Ph.D., is a clinical and forensic psychologist in Los Angeles, and the author of Anger, Madness, and the Daimonic

Yeah I agree with that.

 

My mother always taught me to express my feelings rather than surpress them.

 

I guess that's why I'm posting here. 😂