My girlfriend doesn't want me to drink, trying to control me

[Ashlo]

My girlfriend doesn't like when I drink or that I drink. She comes from a household that smokes weed and so she smokes practically all day every day besides when she is working; however I do not as I am a law student and law enforcement officer. she tells me the times where I have gotten pretty drunk I get annoying and irritated more easily. She's told me I overdrink when I am seriously stressed out or really upset about something, I agreed with that. Since her talk with me, I have refrained from drinking if I am upset/stessed. My girlfriend told me she doesn't mind if I have a couple drinks every so often, however, when I have, it becomes a problem and she becomes angry and starts yelling at me. She will insinuate that I am an alcoholic and belittle me (when I drink once every 3 weeks at 4 beers max).

 

ive told her that I understand how she feels and respect the way she feels and in such, have slowed down on the drinking, and that if I so choose to have, on occasion, a few drinks with my friends, it shouldn't be an issue. Her reply was that I am to do what I want because she can't control what I want to do.

 

This past weekend, a friends birthday, I was hosting a BBQ at my place and she got mad that I was going to have a couple drinks with my friends while I BBQ, got mad that there was going to be another girl at my place (a friend), and told me that she isn't going to be there to supervise me. I've never cheated on her and wouldn't think to do that.

[shessofly]

It seems as though the two of you aren't compatible.

[abitbroken]

If you are out of control when you drink - you get angry, irritating and are just not exhibiting positive behavior - i can understand why she gets upset. You clearly are not just having *one* drink - you have a few and get sloppy.

 

It shouldn't be that your girlfriend has to supervise you. You should want to curtail your drinking on your own so that you stay sober and don't get into fights or get angry. It is out of line for her to be upset that a woman is going to be at the BBQ - but on the other hand - do you do things that you don't remember later when you drink? you don't think that you would do things, but you have been lately?

 

It is hypocritical that she doesn't see her pot smoking as just as bad - but maybe she is not being billigarant, etc, while doing it so doesn't see it as a problem?

[Capricorn3]

If you are out of control when you drink - you get angry, irritating and are just not exhibiting positive behavior - i can understand why she gets upset. You clearly are not just having *one* drink - you have a few and get sloppy.

 

It shouldn't be that your girlfriend has to supervise you. You should want to curtail your drinking on your own so that you stay sober and don't get into fights or get angry.

Totally agree with the above. I can't help but get the feeling that you are underplaying your drinking, making it sound like you have far less than you really do. Clearly, it IS an issue and maybe as a law student and law enforcement officer it is time for you to cut way way back.

[Jibralta]

Why does your girlfriend and her family smoke weed all day? Do they have medical issues? If not, I wonder why, as a law enforcement officer and law student, you have a girlfriend with a substance abuse habit.

[WombatShadow]

I'm going to take a different side of this: if no one else in your cohort has mentioned that your drinking is annoying, perhaps your girlfriend is just trying to control you. Ask your friends if they think you become a problem when you've had a couple of drinks, and look especially for that friend who has at most one or two drinks or who is usually the DD. They'll be the ones to give you the honest truth.

 

It's great that you stopped overdrinking and are working on not using it as a stress-management technique. That's what leads to problem drinking. If you really have cut down to once every three weeks with just a few drinks each time, I can't see how that's a problem unless you are incredibly susceptible to alcohol. I know people who think that any drinking is problem drinking, no matter what the drinker is acting like, and it's incredibly frustrating trying to reason with them. It's especially bothersome that your girlfriend is a pothead and sees no problem with her drug of choice.

 

The whole thing about her not being around to supervise you feels like a massive guilt trip to me, and I don't like that at all. Again, if you've confirmed with others that you aren't becoming a problem drinker, there may be other reasons that your relationship is becoming strained.

[Iggy5129]

She can smoke weed all day every day but you can't have a few drinks once a month? That's pretty hypocritical. And I used to be a huge stoner.

[j.man]

You're being controlled. Sorry. I'm completely on board with not drinking as a coping mechanism (read: stressed/upset). But if we're talking 4 beers at a BBQ, she's clearly simply got a problem with drinking. Which is fair enough to her, but not fair enough to you if she chooses to stay with you.

[Krankor]

I think being an LEO and having a girlfriend who uses illegal substances just doesn't go together. Drug use--even pot--is one of the few absolute deal breakers for me. I don't personally think it's a big deal if someone does it here and there (wouldn't want to date a pothead though no matter what) but it's just something I can't be associated with or a party to.

 

For that reason alone I think you should reasses this relationship. This girl could get you into professional trouble.

[Ashlo]

If you are out of control when you drink - you get angry, irritating and are just not exhibiting positive behavior - i can understand why she gets upset. You clearly are not just having *one* drink - you have a few and get sloppy.

 

It shouldn't be that your girlfriend has to supervise you. You should want to curtail your drinking on your own so that you stay sober and don't get into fights or get angry. It is out of line for her to be upset that a woman is going to be at the BBQ - but on the other hand - do you do things that you don't remember later when you drink? you don't think that you would do things, but you have been lately?

 

It is hypocritical that she doesn't see her pot smoking as just as bad - but maybe she is not being billigarant, etc, while doing it so doesn't see it as a problem?

 

It's not that I get angry randomly when I have gotten drunk, it's she would get pissed at me for drinking and then it would escalate to her yelling and lecturing me so then I would get angry and stand up for myself to where I typically wouldn't if I were not drinking.

[Ashlo]

I'm going to take a different side of this: if no one else in your cohort has mentioned that your drinking is annoying, perhaps your girlfriend is just trying to control you. Ask your friends if they think you become a problem when you've had a couple of drinks, and look especially for that friend who has at most one or two drinks or who is usually the DD. They'll be the ones to give you the honest truth.

 

It's great that you stopped overdrinking and are working on not using it as a stress-management technique. That's what leads to problem drinking. If you really have cut down to once every three weeks with just a few drinks each time, I can't see how that's a problem unless you are incredibly susceptible to alcohol. I know people who think that any drinking is problem drinking, no matter what the drinker is acting like, and it's incredibly frustrating trying to reason with them. It's especially bothersome that your girlfriend is a pothead and sees no problem with her drug of choice.

 

The whole thing about her not being around to supervise you feels like a massive guilt trip to me, and I don't like that at all. Again, if you've confirmed with others that you aren't becoming a problem drinker, there may be other reasons that your relationship is becoming strained.

 

Thank you, I had asked my friend who did not drink the night of the BBQ and he said that I was fine to him.

 

At the beginning of my relationship my girlfriend and I used to drink together once a week and I haven't had an issue just up until a few months ago as she stopped drinking as much. She still drinks once in a blue moon to the point with her friends to where she is feeling pretty buzzed. I have cut back a lot from drinking as it was upsetting her, though I don't want and don't feel as if I should give it up entirely. As long as I am not binge drinking when I do and get sloppy drunk, I don't see an issue with having a few cold ones with my friends once in a while. She sees it differently. She told me when we first started dating that she uses weed for her anxiety. Having anxiety myself, I know this isn't the case and she does it to feel a high as well as to relax. she also sells it to her friends in which I told her I have an issue with, into which she told me she is not going to stop as that is an extra source of income, though she lives at home so doesn't have much financial responsibility, but yet rarely has extra spending cash.