Am I controlling or she out of control?

[hawkuhawk]

My GF and I recently went long distance for a few months. About a week before she leaves she asks me if she can go to a date party at her guys friends frat with him. I'd never met or heard of the guy, asked if he knew she had a BF, she said yes, and I told her while it would make me uncomfortable I wouldn't say no or try to make her not go. She complained but said she would tell him no. A week later I found out that she had been with this guy and his friends the day before and they asked her if she had a BF and she intentionally did not tel them she did. The next day the guy asks her to a date party with no mention of "as friends" and she says yes without ever asking me then texted me pretending she was asking permission. I was furious since she had been lying to me to try to go to a date party with another guy she had intentionally misled about her availability, and had for the week between had complained multiple times I was being controlling. Trying to make me feel bad, even though she was the one lying and wronging me. Needless to say my trust was broken and I started to break up with her and she went into hysterics saying she will not go out anymore to parties and will do whatever it takes to fix things and keep me. I reluctantly agreed to give her a chance. A week later I get a text saying "oh btw I'm leaving in an hour to take a trip to another state to see this guy me and my girlfriend are friends with". I was a little weirded out by the suddenness and the fact she had not came to see me once yet but was going to see him and I told her this. She told me they were going to go to one graduation party the two nights they were there, stay in a guest bedroom at his moms house, and After an arguement I let it go and sucked up my uncomfortableness. The second night I find out she is out drinking at a party a second time (which she told me she wasn't) by her posting to social media pictures of some guy drinking and her posting a joke he'd made to her. The next day I found out that she and her friend were actually staying in the guys dorm. She said that plans had changed last second and she hadnt lied to me, but I was furious she had put herself in situations I wasn't ok with, kept me in the dark, and all this despite her promises to not go out and doing whatever it takes to keep me. After a fight I suck it up again and she came to see me. While she is here I tell her I want her to have fun and don't want her to not live her life and that idc if she goes out as long as she responds to my texts at a reasonable rate while she is out and I am kept updated on her plans/whereabouts while out drinking. I took her home and she then proceeds to go out drinking three straight nights and barely responds, even going as far to ignore me for hours in the middle of a deep conversation about how I've had a rough day with my depression and am not in a good place. Do I have a right to be mad that she constantly breaks my trust, makes promises to fix things, then continues to go out and do the things that make me uncomfortable? We are young and I know I shouldn't keep her from going out forever, but I feel like she should at least give me some time after all the things that went down to gain back some trust. And I think she should go have fun with her friends but going out drinking night after night after night is excessive. A relationship is a commitment to knowing that what and when you do things has an effect on two people, and she just does whatever she wants all the time. Am I controlling or is she out of control?

[Brokenheartedm]

Break up with her save yourself the ache, and pain. She is a party girl and has no respect for you

[WombatShadow]

If you can't trust her, you can't have a relationship with her. I would be feeling a little sketched out myself by her actions, but having trust issues isn't a matter of having the "right" to do so. You either have trust or you don't, and you clearly don't, which means the relationship is probably forfeit.

[Doc Blaze]

it doesn't matter either way because she doesn't respect you and she is a sneaky liar. she turns everything back on you. I am telling you now , its game over. Leave her before you go insane.

 

 

Looks like she wants to be single, go out partying and get male attention.

[indea08]

Looks like she wants to be single, go out partying and get male attention.

 

This about sums it up.

[Generica]

Seems like she wants to live the single, party, university life but keep you as a security blanket in the background, just in case she needs to take a break from the fast and unknown, and recharge with the old and familiar. She is lying. She might be lying to herself as well but that's her problem to figure out. Ultimately, i think she's using you as a stepping stone. Worst part is that she's making you doubt yourself. Time for you to move on.