I think I screwed up badly, or did I?

[Hollyj]

I'm definitely not the FWB type, but I would have done it this once. Ugh...

 

So you can hurt yourself. This makes NO sense!

 

I just read that you may be in love, and you are going to do this! That's insane. You would allow yourself to used for sex, as the only way to get close. That's very sad.

 

You need to go NC.

[greta96]

Greta, you are actively trying to be a doormat for this guy and he doesnt want it. Regardless of whether or not he will ever respond to it, take a look in the mirror. Look at what you're allowing yourself to become for someone who has shown no romantic interest in you.

 

I think you need to take a giant step back and get your tunnel vision focus off him and start to focus on yourself. Love yourself and respect yourself first.

 

If he ever did agree to follow through with being FWB with you, i can tell you right now, you will end up devisatated. Please take better care of yourself.

 

There are others out there who will reciprocate your feelings in a positive, health, nurturing way. I seriously hope you'll reconsider the direction youve chosen for yourself.

 

If I'm feeling this bad over this now, without having slept with him, I can only imagine how I would feel after having had sex. I know all this...but I can't bring myself to end it.

[Generica]

If I'm feeling this bad over this now, without having slept with him, I can only imagine how I would feel after having had sex. I know all this...but I can't bring myself to end it.

You will suffer for as long as you chose to suffer.

You are right, allowing yourself to become even more vulnerable to someone you know does not feel the same will compound your self-inflicted injuries exponentially.

 

You have to protect you. No one else can do that for you. And when you step away from him and give yourself enough time to detox, youll probably see he's not as special as you thought. Just another dude. Loads of them out there. Some of whom will actually want to be with you.

[greta96]

So you can hurt yourself. This makes NO sense!

 

I just read that you may be in love, and you are going to do this! That's insane. You would allow yourself to used for sex, as the only way to get close. That's very sad.

 

You need to go NC.

 

I may have to.. but mainly because while he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me, he also doesn't want me to be with anyone else, so he may assume I am interested in the other guy and cut me out of his life.

[Hollyj]

As Paris has said, "you have given great advice!" I mean this in the kindest way: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING! THIS IS SO DEVALUING! If you think you are hurt now, just think how you will feel when you are sleeping with him.

 

Greta, how would you advise your best friend, or any of us on this matter?

[Generica]

I'm definitely not the FWB type, but I would have done it this once. Ugh...

You would have done it this once because.its as close to a romantic relationship as you can convince him to be in with you. This is so bad for your soul. You are gonna do some serious damage to yourself.

 

Dont do it. Run, dont walk, from this.

[Hollyj]

I may have to.. but mainly because while he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me, he also doesn't want me to be with anyone else, so he may assume I am interested in the other guy and cut me out of his life.

 

Only if you are lucky, but I doubt he will care. You would only be sex to him.

[greta96]

As Paris has said, "you have given great advice!" I mean this in the kindest way: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING! THIS IS SO DEVALUING! If you think you are hurt now, just think how you will feel when you are sleeping with him.

 

Greta, how would you advise your best friend, or any of us on this matter?

 

I know Hollyj... I am really screwing myself up here... I'm not sure how I got to this point, I didn't even see it happening. And now I don't even know how to fix everything and get myself to where I was!

[Hollyj]

What do you think that you will get from this? As you know that it will only be sex.

[Generica]

I think we should turn this thread into "Things Greta can do to show herself nuturing, self-care, self-love, self-respect". If you turn that laser-like focus onto yourself and put all of your attention into making yourself happy and whole, and keep yourself busy with a full shedule of "me time", i think it could do wonders. It would be far more healthy and healing.

[Hollyj]

I know Hollyj... I am really screwing myself up here... I'm not sure how I got to this point, I didn't even see it happening. And now I don't even know how to fix everything and get myself to where I was!

 

It doesn't really sound like he is a friend, so you could say that you have developed feelings, and you think that it would be best to cut all contact. Then, you block and delete.

[greta96]

What do you think that you will get from this? As you know that it will only be sex.

 

He seems to care about me as a friend too... so I was at least hoping to stay friends even without the benefits.

[Hollyj]

He seems to care about me as a friend too... so I was at least hoping to stay friends even without the benefits.

 

You know better. You need to sever the relationship.

 

Listen, if the majority of us on this site could cut contact from former lovers, then you can certainly do the same with this guy.

[Generica]

You cant be friends right now because that line is gone for you. He's not preventing you just being friends, you are. Youre too emotionally invested to be friends. If it hurts you every time you talk to him because he talks to you like youre just a friend, you cannot be friends right now.

[greta96]

You cant be friends right now because that line is gone for you. He's not preventing you just being friends, you are. Youre too emotionally invested to be friends. If it hurts you every time you talk to him because he talks to you like youre just a friend, you cannot be friends right now.

 

Until last night I didn't know exactly how much him being with that woman really affected me, I thought I was cool with it. But last night I knew for a fact he was with her, and something happened inside me. And this is unrelated to the other issue with the phone number, which compounded the problem. But the thing is, up until last night I was fine talking to him. Then the weekend came and since he had plans with her, he stopped talking to me. It's not the first time this happens, but it was the first time I actually knew about it with 100% certainty. I suppose I don't know what to do with this new realization.

 

Maybe, as suggested, I should just come clean with him on all accounts, feelings and everything, and let the chips fall where they may. But if he cuts me off before I even get the chance to do that, based on rumors he may have heard from the bar, I will always blame myself for things ending.

[Hollyj]

Until last night I didn't know exactly how much him being with that woman really affected me, I thought I was cool with it. But last night I knew for a fact he was with her, and something happened inside me. And this is unrelated to the other issue with the phone number, which compounded the problem. But the thing is, up until last night I was fine talking to him. Then the weekend came and since he had plans with her, he stopped talking to me. It's not the first time this happens, but it was the first time I actually knew about it with 100% certainty. I suppose I don't know what to do with this new realization.

 

Maybe, as suggested, I should just come clean with him on all accounts, feelings and everything, and let the chips fall where they may. But if he cuts me off before I even get the chance to do that, based on rumors he may have heard from the bar, I will always blame myself for things ending.

 

Now you do.

 

What a complete waste of time, when you could be with someone who wants to be with YOU! Why would you give such a precious gift, when he doesn't want all of you? I don't get it!

 

There was nothing to end. he does not have feelings for you.

[Hollyj]

You didn't respond, as to how you would advise a friend or fellow poster in this scenario.

[MissCanuck]

I don't see what spilling all will accomplish. Surely this guy already knows you like him; how else would you know he doesn't want a relationship with you?

 

I think it hit you this weekend because since you knew for a fact he was with her, you can no longer pretend he doesn't have someone else in his life. You no longer have a way to rationalize him being out of touch for a weekend. Maybe it just didn't seem real before, in that you had an idea there was someone else, but now you know for sure he's spending time with her and not with you. My guess is he won't cut you off because you gave your number to someone else, but he will cut you off when he actually begins dating one of these women. Sooner or later, you won't really be in each other's lives.

 

I mean, what is so awesome about this man that you are willing to put yourself in this position? What makes him such a prize that you are sacrificing your self-respect?

[Generica]

Greta, I have a friend at work that im infatuated with. It consumes me. He has a girlfriend hes in an open relationship with. He has expressed a possible interest in becoming physical with me but he has also expressed that he doesnt have any romatic feelings for me. It hurts me every time i know hes with the other woman and I know he will not stop seeing her.

I gave my phone number to someone else and now im worried that if he finds out, he will end our friendship.

 

What should i do?

[Hollyj]

I don't see what spilling all will accomplish. Surely this guy already knows you like him; how else would you know he doesn't want a relationship with you?

 

I think it hit you this weekend because since you knew for a fact he was with her, you can no longer pretend he doesn't have someone else in his life. You no longer have a way to rationalize him being out of touch for a weekend. Maybe it just didn't seem real before, in that you had an idea there was someone else, but now you know for sure he's spending time with her and not with you. My guess is he won't cut you off because you gave your number to someone else, but he will cut you off when he actually begins dating one of these women. Sooner or later, you won't really be in each other's lives.

 

I mean, what is so awesome about this man that you are willing to put yourself in this position? What makes him such a prize that you are sacrificing your self-respect?

 

It might seem a bit strange if she simply disappears. If I were in that position, I would hope that someone would tell me, before they disappeared

[Generica]

I think we overwhelmed, Greta. Sorry, Greta. I dont even know you but i want nothing but the best for you. I know your friends here feel the same 1,000 times over.

[Hollyj]

I think we overwhelmed, Greta. Sorry, Greta. I dont even know you but i want nothing but the best for you. I know your friends here feel the same 1,000 times over.

 

Absolutely

[greta96]

You didn't respond, as to how you would advise a friend or fellow poster in this scenario.

 

Oh I would advise them to end things like yesterday, start valuing themselves more because they deserved better... but for some reason, I can't seem to follow my own advice :s

[Hollyj]

Oh I would advise them to end things like yesterday, start valuing themselves more because they deserved better... but for some reason, I can't seem to follow my own advice :s

 

You can if you choose to.

[greta96]

I don't see what spilling all will accomplish. Surely this guy already knows you like him; how else would you know he doesn't want a relationship with you?

 

I think it hit you this weekend because since you knew for a fact he was with her, you can no longer pretend he doesn't have someone else in his life. You no longer have a way to rationalize him being out of touch for a weekend. Maybe it just didn't seem real before, in that you had an idea there was someone else, but now you know for sure he's spending time with her and not with you. My guess is he won't cut you off because you gave your number to someone else, but he will cut you off when he actually begins dating one of these women. Sooner or later, you won't really be in each other's lives.

 

I mean, what is so awesome about this man that you are willing to put yourself in this position? What makes him such a prize that you are sacrificing your self-respect?

 

There is something about him I really like, talking to him makes me feel so happy... well I would be happier if he actually wanted more with me of course.