I think I screwed up badly, or did I?

[2become1]

I was in the same situation a year ago. I was head over heals for my FWB and even though he would chase after other girls, I couldn't let him go. It was totally unhealthy and it made me feel depressed and worthless. I thought exactly how you are right now. I eventually started moving on and that's when he wanted me. I no longer associate myself with him but he'll still contact me saying he misses me and wants to make things work etc. He knew what I wanted. Does yours?

 

I suggest you take what happened with stride. Don't tell him that you regret it. Just say "yea, I did." It'll give you more power so it's either equal, or the ball is in your court because now HE'S the jealous one. Watch his body language. By letting him know your only want him, you give him all the power and that's not fair. That let's him do whatever he wants to you and you won't leave.

 

To be honest, you should move on. I know it's insane to think of it now, but start looking at guys who are interested in you for you. I'm sure there's more than you think. You'll be happier without him. Good luck!!!

[Ms Darcy]

Your all consuming infatuation with someone who does not reciprocate those feelings is the issue.

 

Hi Greta,

 

Didn't you have an issue of unrequited love with an ex too? Someone who cheated on you and recently tried to cheat on his girlfriend with you?

 

If so, perhaps you have a larger pattern of being attracted to men who are not emotionally available to you?

 

Also, are you still in a relationship or did that end?

[greta96]

Hi Greta,

 

Didn't you have an issue of unrequited love with an ex too? Someone who cheated on you and recently tried to cheat on his girlfriend with you?

 

If so, perhaps you have a larger pattern of being attracted to men who are not emotionally available to you?

 

Also, are you still in a relationship or did that end?

 

That relationship ended, because neither one of us was really into it. And you're right, there is a pattern that goes far back. I'm not quite sure why that is, I was raised in a very strict family where i always had to jump through hoops to please my parents, so i figure that may be one of the reasons (at least from the books i've read).

[catfeeder]

That relationship ended, because neither one of us was really into it. And you're right, there is a pattern that goes far back. I'm not quite sure why that is, I was raised in a very strict family where i always had to jump through hoops to please my parents, so i figure that may be one of the reasons (at least from the books i've read).

 

Now you're creating a fantasy about a disinterested guy and jumping through hoops to cater to 'it'.

 

You're playing out scenarios in your head about 'losing' someone you don't even have, over something so inconsequential it would be laughable if you weren't making yourself so miserable.

 

You're also willing to settle to be next in line for a measly FWB scenario with a player, like some school kid? What's with that?

 

Greta, this isn't meant to be harsh, but this is adolescent stuff. I'd get thee to a therapist--and I get OUT of the bar. You're making your world very small, and you're projecting lovesickness onto one guy because you're operating in such a small scope--the way a school girl sees only the classmates she's exposed to as her 'only' opportunities for attention.

 

You've narrowed your focus down to one player in a bar scene. Why not dive off of that toxic petri dish and expand your focus beyond it? That may seem scary because it's an 'unknown' solution, but it's your percentage play. Trust that if whutshisname is truly meant-to-be deal, he'll have zero trouble contacting you outside of the limited sandbox you're playing in, and if not, you'll already have broken that laserbeam focus on him to learn more healthy ways of pursuing friends and interests beyond that guy. So it's a win/win.

 

Head high, you can do this.

[Generica]

That relationship ended, because neither one of us was really into it. And you're right, there is a pattern that goes far back. I'm not quite sure why that is, I was raised in a very strict family where i always had to jump through hoops to please my parents, so i figure that may be one of the reasons (at least from the books i've read).

Sounds like youre attracted to men you have to jump through hoops for to try to please. It also sounds like youre turned off by men who give you their attention and approval easily without you having to work hard for it.

[Ms Darcy]

That relationship ended, because neither one of us was really into it. And you're right, there is a pattern that goes far back. I'm not quite sure why that is, I was raised in a very strict family where i always had to jump through hoops to please my parents, so i figure that may be one of the reasons (at least from the books i've read).

 

It will be hard to break the pattern of yearning for that which you cannot have. Have you considered therapy?

[greta96]

Sounds like youre attracted to men you have to jump through hoops for to try to please. It also sounds like youre turned off by men who give you their attention and approval easily without you having to work hard for it.

 

Unfortunately yes, that's been the case most of my life! It didn't make things easy that's for sure...

[greta96]

It will be hard to break the pattern of yearning for that which you cannot have. Have you considered therapy?

 

I did, but it is not covered through my work and it's extremely expensive if i was to pay from my own pocket (including on the sliding scale).