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A type of cheating or just inappropriate?


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Whilst dying to attach photos to an email on my boyfriends laptop I saw a folder called girls. Assuming it would be pictures of his sisters I had a look, but this isn't what I found. Instead it was 23 named and separated folders of girls nudes from snapchat and one of videos of him having sex with his ex. Many of them were from before we were together so I thought he might have just forgotten to delete them. However upon closer looks (because I'd come too far to not know now) I found that many were sent to him during the first five months of our relationship. It was clear to see that he had been encouraging the sending 1. Because of the things the girls were saying to him, making it clear that they were masturbating together and 2. Because he'd taken photos of the snapchats from his iPod whilst receiving them on his phone so obviously was expecting them. It also really hurt the fact that he chose to save them and keep them to look back at for reasons that I think are obvious. I feel like I have been cheating on, even if it isn't physically. Do you think when confronting him about it it's appropriate to say he's cheated on me in a way, or has he just been inappropriate?

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Read your other thread... You don't trust your boyfriend. That's a problem.


I'm not sure whether it's cheating, depends on whether you guys weren't exclusive during that time. It's up to you to decide that, none of us can tell you what defines cheating, we can only tell you whether we personally would tolerate it. In my mind, unless we've had the exclusive talk then I don't assume that we are exclusive. Once we say we are, I expect us to be and any digression from that would be cheating in my mind. Could I forgive saved snapchats? Possibly.

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You have been advised before about this guy and his cheating. Everyone advised you to end it. WHY DO YOU CONTINUE WITH HIM, AND CONTINUE TO ASK IF IT IS CHEATING? How many times do we all need to tell you something that you already know?

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What I don't like about a shared masturbatory experience is that it is so easy to replicate. There are no boundaries. This is true for all of us, now, making it even more important to understand what our partners' emotional needs are.


For example: If your man needs a lot of validation that he is sexually appealing, if he uses sex to counter stress and anxiety, for example, then are there sexual behaviors you can overlook?


I think it is important to understand who you are with and what his capacity is.

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