Expecting the talk tonight

[AloneNoMore]

I mean there was no verbal abuse no physical abuse no cheating only once in a while one of us would get in a no talking mood for night because something might or robbed us to wrong-way But I mean not every relationship is gonna have 100% positive nights

[boltnrun]

I mean there was no verbal abuse no physical abuse no cheating only once in a while one of us would get in a no talking mood for night because something might or robbed us to wrong-way But I mean not every relationship is gonna have 100% positive nights

 

Yes, but dealing with conflict by asking you to leave every time you have a big disagreement is not healthy nor is it conducive to a mature and successful relationship.

[AloneNoMore]

I know I clam up Sometimes when I am upset and she considers that UPS and Downs And those are some of The Times that she asked me if I need to take some days away

[AloneNoMore]

Have explained her every single person handles issues differently might be anger might be clam up might be storm away but asking me to leave doesn't get us any resolution

[boltnrun]

Have explained her every single person handles issues differently might be anger might be clam up might be storm away but asking me to leave doesn't get us any resolution

 

And yet, she still does it. And she will probably continue to do it until she learns better conflict resolution.

[MissCanuck]

I know I clam up Sometimes when I am upset and she considers that UPS and Downs And those are some of The Times that she asked me if I need to take some days away

 

This was her very indirect way of telling you she needed some days away from you.

 

As others have said, her virtually telling you to get out is a bad sign and not part of a healthy relationship. Imagine you two were married - where would she boot you out to then? She's not ready for this, and it's not fair to you.

 

I think you will one day see that this wasn't shaping up to be a great relationship.

[AloneNoMore]

So update she said she wanted to talk tonight but then said she is tired and needs a mental break so tomorrow would be better.

 

Her mom is there for another week.

 

She said that we need to live separate households and sleep overs are now out of the question.

 

Says we need to figure out why things don't keep working why I keep going home.

 

Tried to get her to talk tonight it was a no go.

 

Said there isn't just one thing but many and they won't be fixed overnight.

 

Said it has nothing to do about not caring but when I said good night love you tonight she just said good night.

 

So yep that was the rundown tonight lol

 

I know what y'all going to probably say.

[AloneNoMore]

This is from someone who I lived with helped raised their kid the father signed over all custody and abandoned and also had sex with every night and I mean every night for a year.

[AloneNoMore]

This is also someone who is a high level exec in their company

[MissCanuck]

I think you should brace yourself for a complete break-up, OP.

 

Sadly, it doesn't matter what her job is or that you helped to raise her child. She isn't feeling it, for whatever reason. It sounds like she is going to blame you but it also appears she's got some issues herself.

 

Racing into a relationship and moving a man into her home with her kid just a few months after meeting isn't a good sign. You two were still getting to know each other when she moved you in; that should have been the dating/courtship phase, not the living-together-like-a-family phase. Also, her drive to just kick you out when family came around or when you two argued is a warning sign of worse things to come. She was showing you some clues that you were in for a bumpy ride and that she wasn't as invested as you thought.

 

A question, though it's rather moot now: are you sure it really is her mom who is visiting her right now? Not someone else?

 

Next time, take things more slowly. Really get to know someone before committing on the level you did here.

[AloneNoMore]

I think you should brace yourself for a complete break-up, OP.

 

Sadly, it doesn't matter what her job is or that you helped to raise her child. She isn't feeling it, for whatever reason. It sounds like she is going to blame you but it also appears she's got some issues herself.

 

Racing into a relationship and moving a man into her home with her kid just a few months after meeting isn't a good sign. You two were still getting to know each other when she moved you in; that should have been the dating/courtship phase, not the living-together-like-a-family phase. Also, her drive to just kick you out when family came around or when you two argued is a warning sign of worse things to come. She was showing you some clues that you were in for a bumpy ride and that she wasn't as invested as you thought.

 

A question, though it's rather moot now: are you sure it really is her mom who is visiting her right now? Not someone else?

 

Next time, take things more slowly. Really get to know someone before committing on the level you did here.

Yep I am sure her mom is there I picked her up from the airport 2 weeks ago and she don't fly out until this Thursday.

 

Instead of texting me she is replying on my Facebook posts with responses to my posts non related to relationship stuff.

 

I am completely ready for the breakup I might be the one to suggest it you guys aren't the first.

 

My parents told me last night just a few weeks ago that with the amount of times she asks me if I want go leave when things get tough especially when her parents come into town ( I pick and drop them off to the airport normally ) they didn't expect it to last more than another month.

[AloneNoMore]

I just need toFigure out how to handle the talk or what to say when we do have to talk

[AloneNoMore]

She told me last night she wouldn't be available to talk until after her daughter goes to bed (normallly 9pm) which I replied this morning I'd be up in area at 6pm for some other stuff. Told her if I am available I could swing by and if not we can talk another night.

 

She said "I think that will work".

 

Had doctor appointment this morning she knew about and no good morning text from her but she sent message saying "hoping everything goes good this morning"

 

I replied back "it's fine thanks for asking"

[MissCanuck]

Your parents were right to be concerned that this relationship won't last.

 

You deserve someone more mature and consistent.

[AloneNoMore]

So we had the talk tonight lasted about an hour.

 

The jist of the conversation.

 

She thought we needed a break and that included me not staying at her house full time or sleep overs. Said there is a lot of things I did wrong that made the relationship this way and that I need to work on repairing it.

 

I forgot to mention previously I have 2 kids and she has her daughter.

 

She is 35 and her daughter is 4 years old.

 

I explained to her there was no living separate especially after living together for a year and the bond not only I created with her kid but also my family.

 

She restated that we need a break over and over.

 

I let her if we live separate then I need to move on and so does she.

 

She then asked if my kids and her daughter can still hang out and talk to each other. She also asked if I'd still come over and play with her daughter and talk to her on the phone even if we broken up.

 

I let her know I want no contact with her daughter or her daughter and my kids as it isn't fair to them when we aren't together and if we end up dating other people it wouldn't be fair to them either having ex's involved.

 

I left with a Good knowing you and have a good night.

 

She walked to her door and just stood outside it for a good 3 minutes.

[MissCanuck]

You did the right thing.

 

She doesn't get to kick you out and call time on the relationship, then expect you to still be there to be a surrogate dad to her daughter and emotional support for her. That tells me this woman is very immature and doesn't understand what a healthy relationship looks like - for her or her child.

 

Let her stand out the door until she is blue in the face. In the meantime, you can work on finding someone more stable and level-headed. This wasn't healthy for you or any of the children involved.

[AloneNoMore]

Yep even when I know I did the right thing it still hurts.

 

I feel for the year I invested and I really feel for her daughter. I guess I'm a sucker for not wanting kids to get hurt but I think at end of day she will eventually forget me eventually.

 

I know I probably shouldn't rebound immediately after but I did sign up for some dating sites even for the emotional part that comes from talking to people.

[RainyCoast]

this was so hard for you, about the children especially.

 

you did the absolute right thing.

 

you'll need some extra support so keep reaching out on ena.

 

i am sorry it came to this, but i applaud your strength to do the painful but necessary thing.

[AloneNoMore]

Ya I've been the dumpee before and now I guess the dumper since I was the one who officially just cut the cord.

 

I thought maybe the dumper would be easier but it appears that it's the same grieving process.

 

I've been the dumper before but those were totally bad relationships that I had zero feelings for.

 

It's interesting to see both sides I think have it sucky the dumper and the dumpee.

[AloneNoMore]

So give an update this is so much harder then I thought it would be.

 

She still has me on Facebook and also still has pictures up on her main picture of me and her including picture of Valentine's Day flowers picture I got her with the message "Valentine's Day will never be the same for me"

 

She messaged me yesterday morning telling me to have a good day or to at least try.

 

Told me I should go out there and date people and that I deserve someone and that I will find someone eventually.

 

I did fall earlier and message her laughing about some old memory.

 

Having problems concentrating at work, nerves, diarrhea, not hungry.

 

Jesus how can be the one who said it was over still feel like I do

[MissCanuck]

OP, block her. At least for a little bit while you process this.

 

Her texting you to get back out there and find someone else was completely unnecessary; it's not helping you to heal and will continue to set you back.

[HeartGoesOn]

She's playing "the victim." Don't bite, you're heading in the right direction...Hopefully.

[AloneNoMore]

More stuff sent from her.

 

It's not just one thing. It's a combination of differences and where I am personally in my life.

 

You're a good person. This isn't about making you into some villain.

 

That's where we're at... you are a good man, you have a lot going on, and you deserve more than I'm ready to give

[AloneNoMore]

And one more

 

I'm not rushing out to date, I'm just collecting myself together and adjusting.

[AloneNoMore]

OP, block her. At least for a little bit while you process this.

 

Her texting you to get back out there and find someone else was completely unnecessary; it's not helping you to heal and will continue to set you back.

I did untag myself from all our photos on Facebook and also removed all the pictures of her and her daughter from my page.

 

She still has pictures of us as a "family" plastered all over her page which is photos for the past year.

 

This is going to be a tough one and I appreciate the responses you've all provided it does honestly help.