coolgirl Posted May 11, 2017 Share Posted May 11, 2017 I don't even know where to begin. Sense beginning of April I've had 2 nervous break-downs along with severe anxiety that landed me in the hospital twice. Back in 2010 I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 1 and been left untreated for a year due to not being able to getting along with doctors, nurses, and case worker managers where I use to be at so I came out thinking that I could handle this on my own and did for a couple of months. I was fine for at least I think 6 or 7 months. I live with my parents. I don't have good communication with my mother, my father i don't talk too. I use too not anymore. My brother and sister's have a life of their own their younger than me I'm the oldest. i don't work as I am on disability for psychological issues that prevents me from holding down a steady job. I'm having a difficult time getting along with people. I don't want to get up in the morning I have to drag myself out of bed to get something done. I'm having a hard time falling asleep. I don't want to be around anyone or people. Most of the time I'm in my room I don't want to come out. I do think about death from time to time but not to a point where I want to kill myself because I have nothing to look forward too anymore. I drink mostly everyday. Half of my money is already gone and I don't know how I"m going to carry myself by the end of this month and I can't seem to stop. i barley eat and when I do eat I don't feel the taste of the food. The only time I get out of the house is when I have doctors appointments or go to the gym come back home spend time with my parents 5-10 minutes top have dinner with them and lock myself in my room till morning and be the same thing every single day. Please don't tell me go out there and join clubs or start volunteering or do some sort of activities. When I don't want to be around people. At nights it becomes the hardest that when I just start crying for no apparent reason. Please don't tell me go get counseling or therapy. I don't have problems. I only have 2 close friends and don't plan on making friends anymore. I see how my cousins and friends all settled in life and having a life of their own living a normal life with no psychological issues no nothing living a happy life and yet I'm about to turn 37 in a month and still I can't get myself together because of my psychological issues. I am happy for them. Really am just hearing about it reminds me that I'm not even close to it. No one from my mother's and father's side has psychological issues and yet I have it. I just have nothing to look forward too in life anymore. I really don't. I just wish my death finds me soon. Real soon. All I want to do is just drop dead ! Link to comment
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