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My life is falling apart

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I don't even know where to begin. Sense beginning of April I've had 2 nervous break-downs along with severe anxiety that landed me in the hospital twice. Back in 2010 I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 1 and been left untreated for a year due to not being able to getting along with doctors, nurses, and case worker managers where I use to be at so I came out thinking that I could handle this on my own and did for a couple of months. I was fine for at least I think 6 or 7 months. I live with my parents. I don't have good communication with my mother, my father i don't talk too. I use too not anymore. My brother and sister's have a life of their own their younger than me I'm the oldest.


i don't work as I am on disability for psychological issues that prevents me from holding down a steady job. I'm having a difficult time getting along with people. I don't want to get up in the morning I have to drag myself out of bed to get something done. I'm having a hard time falling asleep. I don't want to be around anyone or people. Most of the time I'm in my room I don't want to come out. I do think about death from time to time but not to a point where I want to kill myself because I have nothing to look forward too anymore. I drink mostly everyday. Half of my money is already gone and I don't know how I"m going to carry myself by the end of this month and I can't seem to stop. i barley eat and when I do eat I don't feel the taste of the food.


The only time I get out of the house is when I have doctors appointments or go to the gym come back home spend time with my parents 5-10 minutes top have dinner with them and lock myself in my room till morning and be the same thing every single day. Please don't tell me go out there and join clubs or start volunteering or do some sort of activities. When I don't want to be around people. At nights it becomes the hardest that when I just start crying for no apparent reason. Please don't tell me go get counseling or therapy. I don't have problems. I only have 2 close friends and don't plan on making friends anymore. I see how my cousins and friends all settled in life and having a life of their own living a normal life with no psychological issues no nothing living a happy life and yet I'm about to turn 37 in a month and still I can't get myself together because of my psychological issues. I am happy for them. Really am just hearing about it reminds me that I'm not even close to it. No one from my mother's and father's side has psychological issues and yet I have it.


I just have nothing to look forward too in life anymore. I really don't. I just wish my death finds me soon. Real soon. All I want to do is just drop dead !

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Please don't tell me go get counseling or therapy. I don't have problems.

Sorry to say, but I disagree. When reading your post, I would say you do have problems and I would strongly recommend counselling. When one feels their life is falling apart to the point they have a death wish, that IS a problem. I think the only answer here is professional counselling/therapy.

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I'm so sorry things are like this for you. I have never had mental health issues so I probably can't understand too much what you are going through.


Do you read? There is a book by Eckhart Tolle called 'the power of now'. He was suffering from severe depression at one time and he wrote this very very powerful book. It has helped so many people and I think its worth you giving it a try.


Do you watch movies? When you watch comedy's, romantic comedy etc, do they make you happy, even momentarily?


If you don't want to spend time with people that's fine, but can you spent time outside by yourself?. I find being by myself, taking a walk, or just lying outside in the sun is a way to get outside your own head and see the big picture.


If you could just find one or two things that are good for you and do them everyday it could be a good start.

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Awe hugs!! I understand because I too don't like being around people and I can't work due to psychological reasons.


I know though it gets better when you are on the right medication. Do you think your medication combination is off? You may want to go back to your doctor and see what's going on with the medication.


I was like that where I didn't want to do anything or see anyone. What I did was I took it one day at a time.


Just try coping in today whether that be that endorphins boost at the gym or watching something you like.


Baby steps!



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So sorry for you.

You can have a goot time on your own if you don't like being around people e.g. going to the cinema, cycling, playing a video game.

Thinking of death is warning sign. You better off consult your doctor on meds.

Hold on!

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Cool girl,


My father is Bipolar One. He has all the same issues. He absolutely can't get along with anyone so he has no friends and he drove his entire family away. Like you at times he could not sleep due to severe mania at other time you can't get him out of bed for months at a time. He worked until he was about my age after he was on disability because he absolutely could not work it anymore due to his worsening psychological issues.


I can tell you absolutely 100% need to take your medication and you do need to consult psychologists and psychiatrists that's just how it is . It's an extremely raw deal I will agree . But you are never never going to get better on your own and left your own devices . This condition absolutely 100% requires medication and other supports if you want to live the best life you can .

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Sorry to hear this but medical noncompliance and substance abuse is very common in bipolar disorder. Sadly, the sought after manic "highs" devolve into irritable dysphoria after time.

Sense beginning of April I've had 2 nervous break-downs that landed me in the hospital twice. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder 1 and been left untreated for a year due to not being able to getting along with doctors, nurses, and case worker managers I drink mostly everyday.
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