magpul Posted May 7, 2017 Share Posted May 7, 2017 Me and my (J) (25) ex dated for 3.5 months, and even though it was short, it was very strong. We both felt an instant connection with each other. She stayed up the first night with me till about 5 am at my house just speaking with me. I guess the fact that she stayed with me the first night in my bed should have been one of the red flags that popped, but this girl had me. A little backstory on her: Her mom left her when she was a child, came back into her life when she was a teenager and then left her again. Her dad isn't her real father, she doesn't know who her real father is. Her "dad" is paralyzed from the chest down due to a drunk driving accident when someone hit him when he was younger. She had anorexia throughout high school. She is diagnosed with anxiety and depression, takes medication for it, and also drinks heavy amounts of alcohol, getting drunk about 3-4 times a week. She was married at 19 and divorced at 21. Again, red flags that I thought were nothing because if I just loved her strongly and deeply enough none of it would be an issue... On the 3rd date she told me that she loved me and I said it back to her. I became putty for her. This was the first girl since my previous gf before her (which ended about 1.3 years ago) that I broke up with that I actually had legitimate feelings for. I'm very picky, prior to J I had been dating lots of women that I just never felt anything for. I went on about 50-60 dates before meeting her. I do get a lot of attention from girls, but all of that is irrelevant when there is only one that you want. Since meeting we only stayed about 4 days apart from each other, I thought we were inseparable. After about 4 weeks she moved in with me (ugh). I renewed my lease for her when I had originally planned to move into a cheaper rental. We bought home decor together, we planned things out, I thought I finally found the one. She met my family and I met hers. We talked marriage and kids, she had e-mailed wedding venues out in Colorado to hold the wedding at and I was looking at rings. Her friends knew that I had planned on proposing to her and they were completely on board with it. The kinds of things J would say to me made me 100% sure that she was staying with me for life. She said I was her favorite person in the whole world and that she has never loved another human as much as me. She use to say how she was going to marry me and build a life with me to her friends. Her friends really liked me and so did her dad (her dad hated her exes). She told me that she would never leave me, that she was going to be here for me no matter what and she was completely in love with me. Then last Saturday night happened. We were out at some bars with her friends, I didn't really want to go out drinking, but I did because I feel like in relationships you should want to compromise in situations to make your significant other happy. I fully intended to have a good time, but it seems she was set on making this a bad night for us. We got into a little play fight in front of her friends that I thought was completely harmless. We were going back and forth on the topic of handiness, when suddenly she blurts out in an obviously aggravated tone "At least I have more tools in my tool bag, *derogatory term for a gay male*". After she said that I was just like, seriously? I didn't even know how to respond to that, I feel like there are certain things that you don't say to people, even if you are joking. So after she said that I just went quiet, grabbed my phone and stuck to myself. She then said "Oh really? Just do what you always do and shut down, real cool". I didn't once raise my voice or become confrontational in any way after she said that. But after we were going to leave, I raised the topic with her, and she started yelling at me at the bar in front of everyone. So we got in my truck and left on to the next place her friends wanted to go to. We had an argument in the truck, but it seemed like I could not say anything right at the point. We get to the other bar and had some drinks when she decides to go outside and smoke a cigarette with her guy friend (I have never seen her smoke before). I walked out there after about 10 minutes and they both didn't know I was standing right there. I happened upon a conversation about her ex-boyfriend they were having. At this point I was just done. I felt incredibly disrespected. I asked if I could talk with her, her guy friend went back inside, and she said that " we were just talking about him and how it was unfortunate circumstance with him and how we broke up". I was so hurt by this point that I said I was going home (since she previously said that she had a place to stay that night if I decided to go home). So I walked in, paid my tab, and left. I got home and on her Snapchat she posted a video with her singing "Another love crash and burns" with her friends. It seemed at that point to me that she was going to break up with me. I couldn't believe that I just saw the girl that I was in love with say that about our relationship on a social media platform, a girl that supposedly was in love with me and frequently referred to herself with my last name. So the next day we broke up. She said she needed some time to think about things (she was saying this as she randomly pulled over on the side of the road to throw up), she said that she doesn't know what she wants, and doesn't know if she wants to be with her ex and that she misses him (this ex of hers verbally abused her and would get drunk all the time). When I heard that I felt like the talk was over, so I said this is it then. I told her I loved her and that I was thankful for her, and then hung up. The last time I saw her was on Tuesday. We met in a Target parking lot so I could get my key, and I was kind enough to bring her clothes so that she had some for work. I didn't once raise my voice or get angry with her during the meeting. I was just a sobbing mess for most of the exchange. I told her that I loved her so much, that I would do anything for her, and wanted nothing but the best for her. She said she doesn't know why she's feeling the way she's feeling, she mentioned her anxiety and depression. I think a part of her felt like she said too much to her friends and family about me after coming down from her drunken night out. She was crying most of the time we were talking. I was nothing but good to her. I loved her with everything I had, made sacrifices for her, always did what she wanted to do, would go out of my way and schedule to make her happy, I would rub her back every night until she fell asleep. I'm so hurt by all this, mostly from the fact that I could love someone so much and have them profess their love to me in such a deep and impactful way, then for all of it to ultimately mean nothing to her. I just feel like an empty shell right now, and wanted to post this to help get things off my mind and maybe hear some advice. Thanks. Link to comment
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