magpul

Just want to share something that is happening with me as of this moment. I met the most amazing girl a little over a year ago (M). Unfortunately, it was at the wrong time. I had a gf at the time, and it was a relationship that I should not have been in. I began that relationship with my ex because I was tired of being alone. I was 27, moved to a new state by myself and had to move in with my parents, didn't know anyone, and had never been in a relationship before. I struggled with self-esteem and self-confidence issues for all of my teens and the majority of 20s due to some past circumstances, so I just never had the confidence in myself to pursue a relationship. It was wrong of me to get involved with my ex as it was done for wrong reasons, and believe me, I definitely learned my lessons from it as the majority of 2016 has been an incredibly rough ride. And I know I deserve it, what I did was wrong, and I wish more than anything that I would have never put myself in that position. Anyway this girl was exactly my type. Humble, a little shy, great personality, and very beautiful. We connected almost instantly, and within the 4th or 5th time of seeing each other it was clear that we felt the same about each other, which in itself was completely new to me. I have never had an interaction with a girl who felt the same for me as I did her. But of course the weight of my decision to continue seeing her while I had a girlfriend weighed too heavy on me, and I explained that I was with someone to her. She, understandably, was furious and cut off all contact with me. I ended up telling my gf about her, and after that it was over between us. Towards the beginning of the year I attempted to reach out to M, texted, called, sent flowers to her work. In hindsight I should have just sent a text or called once and left it at that, but through my attempts to get her back, I ended up pushing her further away. She told me she wanted nothing to do with me, and that was that. Hearing that cared about you at one point that you still have feelings for say that to you is soul crushing. So I left her alone. I realized that I had things I needed to address and work on in my own life, and the thought of her ever coming back into my life after what happened and what she said to me seemed impossible. The only thing I could do was move on, focus on myself and become a better person. I've dated quite a few girls since this happened. None of it panned out though. M was the one who was always on my mind. I don't have too many issues attracting girls, but when you have talked to dozens of them and have had many dates and there is still only one that you think about, it came become very disheartening. Like you don't even want to mess with it anymore to save yourself and others the time. A month ago I sent M a friend request on FB. After I did this, she messaged me asking me why I wouldn't leave her alone. I tried to explain everything to her, told her I was aware and deeply sorry for the mistakes that I made. Told her that she is the only one that I want, and I would do anything for her. I pretty much laid out all of my feelings to her, despite knowing that there was a very good possibility she was going to turn me down. I asked if she would like to meet up, granted, we are about 1500 miles apart now (she moved states after breaking up with her ex that she met after me). She said she would think about it. The next day she told me she didn't think it was a good idea. I said ok, thanked her for considering seeing me, and said take care. I thought that was it. At this point I had let her go, and never intended to try to contact her in anyway again. Four days ago she messaged me on Facebook, asking me how Colorado was (I went out there last month and intended to go see her once I left). We talked for a short time, and then I asked for her Snapchat. Since then we have been talking and now she is considering seeing me again. It has been a full year since we have last seen eachother, or talked to each other in this kind of capacity. While I am as of this moment unsure of what her decision is going to be, things are look more promising now than they ever have before. I never thought I would have any kind of interaction like this with her again and had moved on passed the thoughts of that possibility ever happening, but here I am. I am not letting her decision affect me like it has in the past, as I know that I will be fine either way, but man it'd sure be great if things work out! Just thought I'd share a little of my story, take care everyone.