I broke up with ex and after NC we exchanged emails till he told me to stop!

[figureitout23]

Sadly, I checked call logs, yes I called him. Ohhhhhhh nooooooooooo! You are right, I do seriously regret it. What am I going to do? He'll question the reason, not sure how though, as his every channel of contact me was blocked. After my daughter video called him lat month and I explained why. I don't think I can get away with saying it's an accident. Hate myself! This is so bad!! Why can't I forget his phone number!!!

 

You may want to look into adding a drunk dial app to your phone. They have many different kinds that will stop you from texting your ex while inebriated.

[Anna Bell]

You may want to look into adding a drunk dial app to your phone. They have many different kinds that will stop you from texting your ex while inebriated.

Lovely! Never heard of such apps, I'm definitely getting one now. Thank you very much.

[boltnrun]

Have you considered therapy?

 

It's disturbing that, despite the fact this man abused you, you still want him. You do, as last night proved. And wanting a man who abused you is unhealthy.

 

How long has it been since you two stopped seeing each other but you're still thinking about him day and night?

[Anna Bell]

Have you considered therapy?

 

It's disturbing that, despite the fact this man abused you, you still want him. You do, as last night proved. And wanting a man who abused you is unhealthy.

 

How long has it been since you two stopped seeing each other but you're still thinking about him day and night?

No, I haven't thought about therapy, maybe I should?

 

We haven't seen each other for nearly 4 months, I do think about him still a lot, unfortunately.

[Anna Bell]

As expected, I backfired myself by my stupid drunk call yesterday 😌He just sent me an email through another his different email address asking why I called him. I knew he would ask.

 

Well, learned from last time, I'm not going to respond anymore. Although he will pursue as expected, sigh, this is not what I need.

 

Although we haven't seen each other for nearly 4 months, first month was no contact. The 2nd and the 3rd months email tennis. Last month, my daughter made a mistake to call him. Then he questioned and I replied. A week later, he posted a comment on my FB post. Yesterday I did drunk call. All these are delaying my healing.

 

I need to heal, this is a must!

[boltnrun]

You have not blocked him on Facebook? How is he so consistently able to contact you?

 

I suggested therapy because, despite you knowing he's abusive through personal experience and your research, you still yearn for him.

 

Do you find his abuse manly? Attractive? Appealing? Exciting?

[Anna Bell]

You have not blocked him on Facebook? How is he so consistently able to contact you?

 

I suggested therapy because, despite you knowing he's abusive through personal experience and your research, you still yearn for him.

 

Do you find his abuse manly? Attractive? Appealing? Exciting?

He used a different FB account to leave a comment on a public article I shared. Nothing personal.

 

No, I don't find his abusive behaviour attractive, manly, appealing at all! I think I liked him without these flaws. When he started showing his abuse, I left him immediately. Therefore I guess I wasn't tortured enough to hate him. All I had was the intense and romantic stage. I can't picture future being with him, I knew deep down I'd be miserable if I were with him. Subconsciously I can't stop loving that person right before his abuse.

 

I quoted a few therapists, all seemed to be expensive. Not sure if I can trust myself to ride this turbulence away without therapy.

[boltnrun]

He used a different FB account to leave a comment on a public article I shared. Nothing personal.

 

No, I don't find his abusive behaviour attractive, manly, appealing at all! I think I liked him without these flaws. When he started showing his abuse, I left him immediately. Therefore I guess I wasn't tortured enough to hate him. All I had was the intense and romantic stage. I can't picture future being with him, I knew deep down I'd be miserable if I were with him. Subconsciously I can't stop loving that person right before his abuse.

 

I quoted a few therapists, all seemed to be expensive. Not sure if I can trust myself to ride this turbulence away without therapy.

 

Perhaps you can join an abuse survivors group. You don't need to have been slapped around or put in the hospital to be a victim of abuse. They are people who understand the emotions you are feeling and can give you real world advice on how to avoid remaining attached to an abusive man.

[Anna Bell]

Update: He called me using an unrecognised number, asking why I rang him at 3:50am Saturday morning. I said sorry, didn't remember I called. I could tell that he's quite drunk. He said that I blocked him in every possible way but I just could ring him at anytime. I asked him to block my number. He said that I should have self restraint which I agreed. Then he said he appreciated that I thought about him but it has been 4 months since we broke up, I should find someone else to smash me. I nearly hang up, he then carried on saying he missed smashing me, we had good times, lots of laughs together. Then I told him that I had to go and hang up.

 

One thing for sure: I can't go back. He's an abuser.

 

Not sure how much effect this conversation-first phone call after breakup, would impact on me, feeling frustrated, and scared frankly.

[boltnrun]

Nice of him to gloat about how you are still thinking about him after all those months.

 

He is right about one thing...he shouldn't "have" to block you. You could just delete his number and be done with it.

[Anna Bell]

Nice of him to gloat about how you are still thinking about him after all those months.

 

He is right about one thing...he shouldn't "have" to block you. You could just delete his number and be done with it.

 

His number was not saved, I remembered and typed those 11 digits.

 

He is right and you're perfectly right too. I totally agree with you.

 

Wish I could have been able to erase everything of him!!!!!!!

[boltnrun]

So how about you program his number into your phone and instead of his name, put DON'T as the contact name. That way, even if you type the numbers in, you'll see that and rethink. Even if you're extremely drunk.

[Anna Bell]

Now I decided to unblock him. He has not blocked me on any way, so I could have opportunities to fool myself. Now I'm going to give him the same opportunities.

 

To fight evil with evil🤐

[boltnrun]

Now I decided to unblock him. He has not blocked me on any way, so I could have opportunities to fool myself. Now I'm going to give him the same opportunities.

 

To fight evil with evil🤐

 

Why are you deciding to re-engage with him?

 

I just can't understand why you are attempting to re-establish contact with this man when you know he will abuse you again.

 

Please, please consider joining an abuse survivors group. This is very, very unhealthy.

 

And no, you're not "fighting evil with evil". That's just an excuse to reconnect. It's just a bad, bad idea. Again, please consider seeking some professional help.

[eidetic]

Find someone else to smash you?

 

I want someone with better language for you.

[Anna Bell]

So how about you program his number into your phone and instead of his name, put DON'T as the contact name. That way, even if you type the numbers in, you'll see that and rethink. Even if you're extremely drunk.

I like your idea. So clever.

[IAmFCA]

I like your idea. So clever.

 

i've used this technique for a few different reasons and it works.

[Anna Bell]

Why are you deciding to re-engage with him?

 

I just can't understand why you are attempting to re-establish contact with this man when you know he will abuse you again.

 

Please, please consider joining an abuse survivors group. This is very, very unhealthy.

 

And no, you're not "fighting evil with evil". That's just an excuse to reconnect. It's just a bad, bad idea. Again, please consider seeking some professional help.

My head is saying that I don't want him. Can't argue with your points. From any outsiders, you all think I want him, knowing he abused me and will do the same if I re-connect with him. I'm not going to deny it. I don't need excuse. However I've never been clearer that I certainly do not want him.

 

Question: why after unblocking him, I feel more powerful and stronger now? Before yesterday all those 4 months I felt sad, thought about him a lot. Today for the whole morning I didn't even think of him! When I realised that it was lunch time and I didn't feel that kind of deep sadness anymore. Is that because I treat unblocking him a revenge to his gloating? I feel pathetic for myself, I do. My brain is just not as healthy as I'd like it to be.

[Anna Bell]

Find someone else to smash you?

 

I want someone with better language for you.

That's typical his way of speaking to anyone. It's already subtle by saying "smash", the way how he spoke to his mates was disgusting. He was less vulgar to me and his daughter and in work. It was fun at very beginning as he's so different from me, but I started being less tolerant gradually. That's one thing after breakup I disliked him.

[boltnrun]

My head is saying that I don't want him. Can't argue with your points. From any outsiders, you all think I want him, knowing he abused me and will do the same if I re-connect with him. I'm not going to deny it. I don't need excuse. However I've never been clearer that I certainly do not want him.

 

Question: why after unblocking him, I feel more powerful and stronger now? Before yesterday all those 4 months I felt sad, thought about him a lot. Today for the whole morning I didn't even think of him! When I realised that it was lunch time and I didn't feel that kind of deep sadness anymore. Is that because I treat unblocking him a revenge to his gloating? I feel pathetic for myself, I do. My brain is just not as healthy as I'd like it to be.

 

My guess is you're excited about the possibility of him contacting you.

[Anna Bell]

I'm quite sure that I don't look forward to his contact, certainly no excitement would be involved if he did.

 

I think it's a challenge to my power will, once I built the castles and fortress to keep him out of the reach. He always had ways to jump in for a bit. I didn't like the physical blockage, which separated my body and my heart at the same time. Now I knocked the walls down, we both have the free movement. To a big picture it's very much in harmony. There's no temptation, no physical barriers, no mental overthinking. I set my mind free by getting my heart back. I can finally put the thought of him down, living with the inner peace. It's a wonderful feeling, that I felt it instantly from that moment when I unblocked him.

 

Suppose everyone heals in a different way. I can't guarantee this inner peace would be lasting, although I hope so. I'll keep here updated.

[boltnrun]

Sorry, but all that flowery language sounds like you're making excuses to communicate with him again.

 

And when you do, you'll say "Oh, but I don't want him back! We're just talking as friends!!" You know, because you can handle it and your mind is free.

 

And next you'll decide to meet for coffee "as friends", then you'll be hanging out "as friends", then you're spending nights together...and there you are back again, wondering what happened. Especially when he knows he "has" you and decides to punish you for having the nerve to try to walk away from him.

 

I hope this doesn't happen. But remember the statistic I quoted you, where it's been proven that abusers WHO SEEK THERAPY have a success rate of 1-2%. Those who don't seek therapy...well, I'm sure it's much, much less likely that they "just stop" abusing.

 

Good luck...I sure hope we don't end up reading here that he did something awful to you.

[reinventmyself]

I like your idea. So clever.

 

My ex h's name in my phone is Butthead.

Two guys I dated, one is Martyr and the other is Control Freak.

 

At the very least when they pop up, I laugh.

But most importantly, I don't answer.

[IAmFCA]

My ex h's name in my phone is Butthead.

Two guys I dated, one is Martyr and the other is Control Freak.

 

At the very least when they pop up, I laugh.

But most importantly, I don't answer.

 

Yup. A guy I dated once who then texted me ad nauseum is labeled "Don't Answer". A man who negotiates as second nature is labelled with his formal name. It reminds me to stand tall when dealing with him.

 

Your names are more fun and made me smile too.

[reinventmyself]

I was out with friends having dinner. By phone lit up "Butthead" They thought that was the funniest thing they'd ever seen.

To me, "Doesn't every one do this?"