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Working on my insecurity; she's not always helping; please comment

Eddy Anon

By Eddy Anon
in Relationship Advice

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Eddy Anon Newbie

Eddy Anon

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Background: I'm divorcing, she's almost divorced, we've been exclusive for 5 months and living together for 1 month. (Don't particularly need comments about "It's too soon.")

 

We talk about me being insecure. She's younger and hotter, I'm older and, well, not as hot, IMO. She can get anyone she wants in a bar. I would struggle to get a phone number once in a while. We also talk about helping me work through my insecurities.

 

She's in another country, and I had a tough week with her going out, etc., but we are communicating well, and I'm trying to feel confident in our relationship. I'm doing ok, and we have been communicating well.

 

She's msg'ing me as she's boarding, right up until she has to switch off her phone. I'd like comments on how cool or not cool it was of her, so I can share this thread with her when she returns. She thinks I overreact to what she says to me.

 

Me: ...you are awesome!

Her: I am going to drink wine and sleep.

Me: You deserve it! Enjoy the flight!

Her: And not to make you jealous there is a cute American Italian sitting next to me

Me: No new FB friends to make us fight pls.

Me: If you can resist...

Her: Yes don't worry

Me: I am a big box of worry. I'm working on it though.

 

...9 minutes pass with no msgs...

 

Her: He is part of the US [sports] team

Her: There are a few of them

Her: By the way the airline upgraded us to more leg room

Me: [asking about the sport]

Her: [ignoring my question] He has this [sports] shirt on and I thought he got it from mall but it is an official team shirt

Her: And his hat

Me: Sigh...

Her: We talked for a bit

Her: Plane is closing door

Her: I have to log off soon

Me: Go easy on the [sports team guys]

Her: [with kisses]

Her: He is easy on the eyes [eyes emoji]

Her: [laughing with tears emoji]

Her: He loves wine [wine emoji] [referring to her first comment about drinking wine, no doubt]

Her: Don't worry about my traveling mate

Her: Love you [kiss emoji]

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ffd34 Newbie

ffd34

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LDR's are hard Eddy, I'm in one myself presently. I think sometimes girls like to say these things to the man they like, to test his boundaries, I think they call them ' shh#tt tests' and apparently how you pass them is to not act insecure, and to just carry on like nothing is bothering you.

 

It's not fun, but in my experience girls, (and guys) will do this sort of thing to get a reaction out of you. How you handle it is key.

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rosephase Mentor

rosephase

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That set of texts sounds like they are from a woman who doesn't understand that you are insecure, feeling jealous and worried.

 

While everything she said seemed fine, teasing and connected... It doesn't seem kind. Your relationship is extremely new, has she acted this way in the past?

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mustlovedogs Veteran

mustlovedogs

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If she actually was concerned about you being insecure, she wouldn't send messages like that. When I saw your subject, I was thinking you were insecure over something small. If she had just said she was sitting next to a sports player and you got jealous, that would be one thing. She's enjoying the attention from the guy and the insecurity from you (which is warranted - she's trying to hurt you and blaming it on insecurity). She's a flirt. I wouldn't want to be with someone like her.

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Eddy Anon Newbie

Eddy Anon

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has she acted this way in the past?

 

Um, yea. She has lots of 'boys'. Like I said, she's hot. It's our biggest issue. I keep hoping that they will eventually all die off. Hopefully this one is not new blood.

 

The flight is 13 hours. I have a long night ahead of me. Our relationship is strong and I'm getting way more confident now. We are in love. There's no doubt about that.

 

Thanks all for the support.

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Eddy Anon Newbie

Eddy Anon

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She is incredibly insecure and playing you.

 

This one is trouble. She will continue to feed your insecurities!

 

You are not divorced, AND YOU MOVED WAAAAAAY TOO FAST!

 

Unhealthy attracts unhealthy!

 

Yea. I won't argue with the 10k Platinum Member.

 

Some of our relationship, maybe even most of it, is incredible. I'm willing to change my ways to make it work.

 

Help me with some verbiage to get her to understand what's going on here. I'm going under the assumption that she wants to make it work between us. She could literally have her choice of a dozen men with a phone call, but she chose me and we live happily together.

 

Oh, and should I show her this? What do you think? Helpful, or hurtful?

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Hollyj Grand Master

Hollyj

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Yea. I won't argue with the 10k Platinum Member.

 

Some of our relationship, maybe even most of it, is incredible. I'm willing to change my ways to make it work.

 

Help me with some verbiage to get her to understand what's going on here. I'm going under the assumption that she wants to make it work between us. She could literally have her choice of a dozen men with a phone call, but she chose me and we live happily together.

 

Oh, and should I show her this? What do you think? Helpful, or hurtful?

 

No, No, No! She knows exactly what she is doing! And, you should NEVER be with someone who has to change! Stop thinking that you should school her!

 

You do not need to change. I would be so done if my partner were as manipulative as she is. She will not change, and you should question why you would be in this situation.

 

You sound like you are caught up in her "hotness," and not seeing the drama-making partner that she is. Stop thinking with your d*ck!

 

Why is she divorcing?

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Eddy Anon Newbie

Eddy Anon

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You sound like you are caught up in her "hotness," and not seeing the drama-making partner that she is. Stop thinking with your d*ck!

 

Why is she divorcing?

 

We have a great sex life together, but honestly, that's not the best part of our relationship. We have high highs, this one low low and plenty of regular life stuff too.

 

 

Why is she divorcing?

 

Her former husband was also her business partner and the business got between them. He didn't have any issues with her being around other men. Maybe that was a problem in itself?

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Eddy Anon Newbie

Eddy Anon

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She's (almost) newly single and enjoying attention from men.

 

Don't expect that to change anytime soon.

 

Can you remain in a relationship with someone who seeks out and enjoys attention from many men but ultimately comes home to you?

 

Therein lies the rub, right? As long as she's honest and loyal, maybe... probably.

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Raggie Rookie

Raggie

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Wow!

I'm not cushioning this one, I'm afraid.

Her messages were mean, egotistical, immature and quite frankly, dull.

The way you speak of her is like she is on a pedestal... has she done that to you? Or have you always been harder on yourself?

Relationships take two. I'd expect her to do some leg work. I'm not even sure your changing will work in this instance as she is creating an environment to ensure you are insecure.

 

Please look after yourself and draw some boundaries. Take care.

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boltnrun Grand Master

boltnrun

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I heard the part of your post that I did not quote. I like to think that it is possible for people to change, her and I, to grow together.

 

But the key is she has to WANT to change.

 

What motivation does she have to "change"? She gets to have all the male attention she can get, then she gets to come home to you. And she knows you're so wowed by her looks that you will just sit home taking it.

 

Win-win for her. In the meantime you're sitting home feeling insecure.

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yatsue Experienced

yatsue

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Yea. I won't argue with the 10k Platinum Member.

 

Some of our relationship, maybe even most of it, is incredible. I'm willing to change my ways to make it work.

 

Help me with some verbiage to get her to understand what's going on here. I'm going under the assumption that she wants to make it work between us. She could literally have her choice of a dozen men with a phone call, but she chose me and we live happily together.

 

Oh, and should I show her this? What do you think? Helpful, or hurtful?

 

Don't change your ways for a straight up b1tch. She may be pretty, but has an ugly personality. She does this regularly? Then she turns her bad behavior back on you?! I don't care how good of a lay she is now. In time, you will realize looks fade and cannot overshadow a bad personality. She is the one who is insecure because she displays these self absorbed characteristics. She feels her looks are superior and masks her insecurity about her bad personality by being an attention wh*re in order to feel better about herself through putting down others.

 

Please show her the post of all the people talking negatively of her. Then dump her.

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