Spa day

[anicole]

My husband gave me a gift card for Christmas to use at a spa. I did let him know a week ago a man was going to do my massage.

 

Saturday I had my spa day, I got the body polish with the massage done. I told my husband about it when I got home. He was upset saying i can't believe you let another man touch and rub oil all over your naked body.

 

Should he be upset when he already knew what was planned?

[Wiseman2]

Why would you even bother telling him? Who cares?

 

Did you want to make him jealous or did you need attention or extra drama?

[j.man]

It's not like you went on Craigslist looking for male amateur massage therapists. The guy's a professional working at a place your husband bought the voucher for himself. Personally, I've never understood dudes who get all anxious about male professionals dealing with their partner's body. Should be caring about them providing the best service, not the genitalia they're rocking.

 

That out of the way, how does it just come out that a dude massaged you? While I'd never think of telling my girlfriend she has to choose a female masseuse, I also don't want her coming home giving me description of another dude rubbing his hands all over her. Wouldn't get upset like your husband did, but probably wouldn't appreciate it. Surely you've got girlfriends you can go to if you wanna pop off with how amazing Robert from Paradise Spa & Grill was?

[anicole]

Why would you even bother telling him? Who cares?

 

Did you want to make him jealous or did you need attention or extra drama?

He asked and I was honest with him, why should I keep it a secret?

[anicole]

It's not like you went on Craigslist looking for male amateur massage therapists. The guy's a professional working at a place your husband bought the voucher for himself. Personally, I've never understood dudes who get all anxious about male professionals dealing with their partner's body. Should be caring about them providing the best service, not the genitalia they're rocking.

 

That out of the way, how does it just come out that a dude massaged you? While I'd never think of telling my girlfriend she has to choose a female masseuse, I also don't want her coming home giving me description of another dude rubbing his hands all over her. Wouldn't get upset like your husband did, but probably wouldn't appreciate it. Surely you've got girlfriends you can go to if you wanna pop off with how amazing Robert from Paradise Spa & Grill was?

He asked and I was honest with him, should i have just told him a woman did it and lie to him?

[Wiseman2]

Sounds like you wanted to let him know his gift was unappreciated and backfired? Clearly if You were uncomfortable you could have rescheduled with another therapist. Why be provocative then wonder why he's a jerk? He's an argumentativealcoholic who can barely have sex, so why not say say 'thanks for the gift the spa day was great'?

My husband gave me a gift card for Christmas to use at a spa. I told my husband about it when I got home.

[anicole]

Sounds like you wanted to let him know his gift was unappreciated and backfired? Clearly if You were uncomfortable you could have rescheduled with another therapist. Why be provocative then wonder why he's a jerk? He's an argumentativealcoholic who can barely have sex, so why not say say 'thanks for the gift the spa day was great'?

I did tell him thanks for the gift first, and then he questioned me about it.

[anicole]

Sounds like you wanted to let him know his gift was unappreciated and backfired? Clearly if You were uncomfortable you could have rescheduled with another therapist. Why be provocative then wonder why he's a jerk? He's an argumentativealcoholic who can barely have sex, so why not say say 'thanks for the gift the spa day was great'?

I'm not going to write down all the info and the order of sequence that everything happened. I was very appreciative of his gift.

[anicole]

I'm not going to write down all the info and the order of sequence that everything happened. I was very appreciative of his gift.

I was not uncomfortable at all, the guy was really hot and good with his hands.

[RainyCoast]

the guy was really hot and good with his hands.

hope that's not how you worded your appreciation for the gift to your husband. regardless, it sounds like he is already aware how you perceive male masseuses.

 

i'm with J that they are professionals doing their job so it warrants no discussion what gender they are, but if you don't experience them as professionals/therapists but sexualize their work, then your husband isn't concerned with the therapist being a male, but the fact that you're there to appreciate an aspect of the experience other than physical therapy.

[j.man]

I was not uncomfortable at all, the guy was really hot and good with his hands.

I'm sure your husband loves the fact you use a spa day as an excuse to window shop for "really hot" dudes to put their hands on you. Big difference between that and showing up and the available masseuse happening to be a hot dude.

 

Like I said before, I don't have an issue with my girlfriend having a professional male giving her a massage. But intentionally booking hot men to touch her would border prostitution in my mind.

[Scoe141]

Even if your husband is uncomfortable with it, I hate to say it, but you were just another patient to him. Meaning, you're not the first patient this massage therapist has seen. In fact, after you left I'm sure a woman came in and had the same thing done.

 

(Unless you two exchanged numbers) the therapist probably has forgotten about you. My point is, what is your husband jealous about?

[Wiseman2]

This attempt at jealousy will not cure alcoholic ed.

[HeartGoesOn]

It sounds like you were playing the "get even" card.

[boltnrun]

How does him being "hot" affect how well he does his job?

 

Sounds like you enjoyed the fact that he was "hot". And maybe you told your husband this, and maybe you wanted a reaction. You got one, all right.

[Wiseman2]

This will not treat or cure 6738418] I was not uncomfortable at all, the guy was really hot and good with his hands.This 6738418] When we have sex he doesn't last long it's only 2 minutes, I start thinking maybe if he was with someone else he would last longer. I have needs, what entertains him is sitting at home getting drunk and passing out.

[anicole]

I'm sure your husband loves the fact you use a spa day as an excuse to window shop for "really hot" dudes to put their hands on you. Big difference between that and showing up and the available masseuse happening to be a hot dude.

 

Like I said before, I don't have an issue with my girlfriend having a professional male giving her a massage. But intentionally booking hot men to touch her would border prostitution in my mind.

Hmm, I didn't know what the guy looked like before I walked in.

[Fudgie]

I can't but feel that you worded it in a way that would hurt him or make him insecure.

 

For the record, I actually PREFER male professional massage therapists. I find that they are a bit rougher with their hands and I have awful knots so that is best. I've only met one woman who was just as rough and it was great. Of course, I'll take a free massage from a professional of any gender but I prefer males because I like my knots to get out.

 

My boyfriend knows this too and he doesn't care in the least, but I'm not salivating over the "hotness" whatever that is. Isn't getting a massage about zoning out and relaxing?

[pippy longstocking]

I was not uncomfortable at all, the guy was really hot and good with his hands.

 

presuming you didn't include this bit to your hubby lol

[anicole]

I can't but feel that you worded it in a way that would hurt him or make him insecure.

 

For the record, I actually PREFER male professional massage therapists. I find that they are a bit rougher with their hands and I have awful knots so that is best. I've only met one woman who was just as rough and it was great. Of course, I'll take a free massage from a professional of any gender but I prefer males because I like my knots to get out.

 

My boyfriend knows this too and he doesn't care in the least, but I'm not salivating over the "hotness" whatever that is. Isn't getting a massage about zoning out and relaxing?

You don't know me like that, I asked a question and you are assuming by the way I worded something.

Hmm, I didn't know what the guy looked like before I walked in.

[anicole]

I can't but feel that you worded it in a way that would hurt him or make him insecure.

 

For the record, I actually PREFER male professional massage therapists. I find that they are a bit rougher with their hands and I have awful knots so that is best. I've only met one woman who was just as rough and it was great. Of course, I'll take a free massage from a professional of any gender but I prefer males because I like my knots to get out.

 

My boyfriend knows this too and he doesn't care in the least, but I'm not salivating over the "hotness" whatever that is. Isn't getting a massage about zoning out and relaxing?

I got a body polish at a spa, I much rather a man I didn't do it to make my Hubby jealous, because he knew about it a week before it happened.

[anicole]

How does him being "hot" affect how well he does his job?

 

Sounds like you enjoyed the fact that he was "hot". And maybe you told your husband this, and maybe you wanted a reaction. You got one, all right.

I never told my Hubby he the guy at the spa was hot. Why would I do that? I plan on going back.

[anicole]

It sounds like you were playing the "get even" card.

Honesty, is no reason to get even. We are grown adults.

[itsallgrand]

It sounds like he doesn't trust you. I don't know the background.

[RainyCoast]

You don't know me like that, I asked a question and you are assuming by the way I worded something.

 

what was she assuming? there is no assumption there, just a commentary on what you said: that what you appreciated about the appointment was that the guy was a turn on. not that he got your knots out or did good "body polish", whatever that is. so unless hubs gave you a coupon for an erotic massage or something, of course he gets jealous that you're getting turned on at places outside the home, then promptly bait him with the male masseuse comment both before and after the appointment.

 

you've complained of his drinking, lack of affection and sexual gratification amply. if you are going to deal with it by compensating for that deficit elsewhere, it comes in the package with his negative reaction.

 

if you can't deal with the consequence, that leaves you with the option to suck it up and be unfulfilled in that aspect both in and outside the home, or the option to leave him and pursue whatever and whoever meets your needs better.