How long were you with your spouse before you knew you wanted to marry them?

[thornz]

Absolutely I would finish school before you get married . We waited until we were done university .

 

If I were to do that I will never get married. I am aiming for chartership and a doctorate. That's got to be a minimum of ten years part time. I don't see why you shouldn't study when you're married.

[Fudgie]

It's possible that Sera thought you were younger, thornz. Generally speaking, it's not a good idea to get married before you're done with college, due to school stress and also young age.

 

Like you, I see myself pursing a doctorate in the future part time (work will pay for it). My boyfriend is pursing professional school and I know he wants to get married before he's done with it (we live together) and waiting until the end is just not an option.

 

Many people get married while they are in school... I don't think you can compare the life of a part time grad student who also has a job to the life of a full time, no job student. Just my opinion.

[Seraphim]

It's possible that Sera thought you were younger, thornz. Generally speaking, it's not a good idea to get married before you're done with college, due to school stress and also young age.

 

Like you, I see myself pursing a doctorate in the future part time (work will pay for it). My boyfriend is pursing professional school and I know he wants to get married before he's done with it (we live together) and waiting until the end is just not an option.

 

Many people get married while they are in school... I don't think you can compare the life of a part time grad student who also has a job to the life of a full time, no job student. Just my opinion.

Exactly ,I thought you were a bit younger. My husband and I didn't do doctorates. We were encouraged to do University ( the 4 year honours) and then get your butt out there and get a life and a job/career. So we married in our 20s .

[Fudgie]

Exactly ,I thought you were a bit younger. My husband and I didn't do doctorates. We were encouraged to do University ( the 4 year honours) and then get your butt out there and get a life and a job/career. So we married in our 20s .

 

Yeah that's how it was back then. Nowadays, it's different and where I work, tuition benefits are pretty standard. I know many people who are pursuing Masters or Doctorates and they aren't footing the bill or at least not most of it - their employer is! And people of all ages are doing it, 20s, 30s, 40s, whatever.

 

In fact, a lot of the Masters programs I look at are actually designed for someone who is working a hospital job full time. They don't anticipate anyone dropping work! That's how common it's becoming.

[Seraphim]

Yeah that's how it was back then. Nowadays, it's different and where I work, tuition benefits are pretty standard. I know many people who are pursuing Masters or Doctorates and they aren't footing the bill or at least not most of it - their employer is! And people of all ages are doing it, 20s, 30s, 40s, whatever.

 

In fact, a lot of the Masters programs I look at are actually designed for someone who is working a hospital job full time. They don't anticipate anyone dropping work! That's how common it's becoming.

 

Yeah, ZERO of that happened in my day. You paid your own school and got your butt out of your parent's house as fast as possible .

[Batya33]

Yeah, ZERO of that happened in my day. You paid your own school and got your butt out of your parent's house as fast as possible .

I lived at home during grad school to save money as did my husband. We are in our 50s and my husband is pursuing another degree part time while working full time. I've considered getting another degree when I'm retired.

[Seraphim]

I lived at home during grad school to save money as did my husband. We are in our 50s and my husband is pursuing another degree part time while working full time. I've considered getting another degree when I'm retired.

My mom would never have allowed that. Like ever.

You can get all kinds of degrees on ones own time and money. I'm saying not people can't get degrees after they leave home . If you want to and can more power to you . My point was most parents in our day you were not getting it on their back .

[Seraphim]

Most of us in our 50s our parents are early 70s at the youngest and upwards . Those people by en large left home at 18 never went back and never asked for another thing . Generations now very different . Thank globalization for that one . However, my mother worked on the premise you were not living off her back until you were 30 or 40 years old . I did get an honours degree , yes. I paid to live at home and the second that degree was received, get out of my house and make a life. The rest of your life will be paid for BY YOU.

[Seraphim]

My mom's parents laughed their butts off when she asked if she could come home when her and my dad broke up when she was 21 . They said no , we will take your daughter but not you . My mom had to go live in a park until she found somewhere to live . So my mother certainly wasn't going to let me get a mirade of degrees while living at home .

[Ally1194]

A couple months in we wanted to get married. He proposed almost a year after we met. If you know you know truly. Unfortunately we aren't together anymore.

[Batya33]

A couple months in we wanted to get married. He proposed almost a year after we met. If you know you know truly. Unfortunately we aren't together anymore.

 

What an ironic post.

 

I do not believe in "when you know you know" as any kind of general standard -certainly there are some (many?) who claim that or who state that as essential. I also know many people who have said that early on and when they break up it's either because of something they knew from the start (but ignored as a potential issue) or something chose not to know or know more about. Certainly there are some who "just know". It bothered and concerned me when I was going through the decision making process. In a way I "just knew" but the real effort -the real test -was in actively considering my head and heart and choosing to commit. "When you know you know" is more like a car wash - you just passively go through because "you know".

[thornz]

My mom's parents laughed their butts off when she asked if she could come home when her and my dad broke up when she was 21 . They said no , we will take your daughter but not you . My mom had to go live in a park until she found somewhere to live . So my mother certainly wasn't going to let me get a mirade of degrees while living at home .

 

I'm 30, left care at 18 and have supported myself since then. I'm yet to complete my honors due to a f*ck up by the students loan company leaving me unable to complete with only 3 months left of my degree. It hit me hard and I had no plan B so I floundered unsure what to do for about 5 years. One day I woke up and decided I didn't need a degree to prove my ability and applied for a decent job which I got.

 

Whilst at this job I decided I could now fund myself to complete my honours part time. It will take up to 5 years as I have to complete the whole final year. Then I might go for a masters and a PHD. It will all be self funded whilst working and living independently. I really just want to get the degree out of the way so I can give myself a breather and get better money!

[Seraphim]

Great!

(10 characters)

[Heather Dawn]

I knew immediately after our first date, I think.