I'd like to know if I'm wrong and/or perspectives

[LostSpartan]

Today my girlfriend came into my home office and handed me her phone. Wanting me to see a video. As the video is playing, a instant message pops up from her ex-boyfriend. I see it. Pause. Then I asked, "are you messaging your ex?". At which point she went nuts. Started yelling, cursing, telling me it's none of my business. Saying I ask too many questions. Asking why did I even ask. She's yelling at the top of her lungs and just going frantically nuts. I asked her to calm down at this point because I feared my neighbor might call the cops. Not to mention, I felt big time disrespected. At this point, she screamed no. Knocked some things off of my desk. I panicked because my HTC VIVE headset was near the place that she knocked things off but she missed it. At that point, I told her this isn't working and I told her she needs to leave and move out.

 

Some back information. Not even a month ago, she stressed that she felt disrespected that I had a former coworker/friend of hers on my facebook. She felt she was nasty and didn't like when I "liked" her comments. Not even making it an issue or even remotely fighting, I unfriended her and moved on. It was my thinking that this other woman wasn't worth the energy. Not to mention, I don't even know her in real life and I honestly wasn't communicating with her in any private fashion. My soon to be ex stated she was a "hoe" and felt she was nasty. So I brought that up. Which was my stance in this raging argument. The next thing is that she has anger problems. Yelling, screaming, getting in your face, cursing you out, slamming things, etc. No idea why. I've been dealing with that since I met her and I don't like it but the occurrences have dropped up till today.

 

My thinking for calling it off and asking her to move out was because I somewhat feel that she is toxic. I don't like feeling disrespected. Being cursed out, yelled at, things being tossed around the house, etc. Finally, I tried to explain to her, while I did only ask that one time and I quote, "are you messaging your ex". That was all that was said. There was no second statement, question, words, nothing. I wasn't yelling, frowning, mad, nothing. I simply asked. As a matter of fact, my reaction would have probably been neutral with nearly anything she would have said. For all know, he might have just picked that random time to message her. But again, she lost it when I asked.

 

So, that's it. Questions or opinions? Any insight is appreciated.

[Dahl]

I'm sorry that you're going through this but I absolutely believe that you are doing the right thing. It's not acceptable for her to be destroying your things, screaming and raging at you!

 

She does sound like she's creating a toxic environment for you. Does she usually respond/behave in such a volatile manner?

 

You have every right and obligation to protect yourself. Good on you.

[LostSpartan]

At one point, I feared it daily. That any words spoken would bring about rage. She has gotten better but clearly it's still there. I can't even say the words, "calm down" to her. Apparently that just makes her madder.

[Dahl]

This sounds like a miserable situation for you! I'm so sorry.

 

How did she respond when you ended the relationship?

[LostSpartan]

She agreed in anger. So I'm giving her a chance to move out on her own before I involve the police. I actually don't want to call it off but I just hate the dread feeling I have day to day about her anger. Not to mention, the disrespect I get. What really bothers me is that she could have easily just responded to my question and said, "he messaged me", "I sent him a video", etc. I wouldn't have been upset. I saw the message bubble, then his name, and I asked. She then immediately blew up.

[melancholy123]

She sounds like she's got some major issues as well as anger problems. I agree she's toxic. Telling her to move out was a good idea, she cannot be permitted to rage in your home and break your things. I hope your life becomes more peaceful once she's moved out. Nobody deserves what she's dishing out.

[LostSpartan]

Thank you both for the responses. I too hope things get better. The crazy part is that I havent mentioned another headache. So I'm feeling I made the right choice. I'm still sort of questioning it but I guess at this point, I was out of options.

[Matt3939]

You are lucky you told her to get out. She almost knocked your vive off the table. You dodged a major bullet in real life. Now throw that headset on and do it in VR and forget about this woman.

[jujusamples]

You absolutely did the right thing! You asked her a question, and she freaked out. The only reason I could come up with for someone freaking out over a simple question is that she's guilty of something. No point in flipping out if she's not.

 

It's a different story if you snooped through her phone, but in this case you only saw the message by accident.

 

Yes, I also think she has more issues than just anger issues. I think jealousy is another issue. I'm glad you have kicked her out and broke it off with her. She is toxic and your relationship could have lead to a disaster. Good riddance!

[catfeeder]

Ex or no ex, anyone who behaved that way with me would be history. Period. Zero negotiation.

[MissCanuck]

You are making a wise choice to end this.

 

Not only does she have serious anger and impulse-control problems, my gut says she's hiding something from you (with her ex) and she's projecting her guilt. She sounds very much like an ex-boyfriend of mine, and I can tell you that you're seeing the tip of the icerberg in terms of what she's capable of and what she's really been up when you're not looking.

 

Get her out as soon as you possibly can.

[Wiseman2]

Yep, throwing a fit and potentially destroying property is a deal breaker. Doesn't matter the reason, what matters is that type of psycho reaction.

 

She's immature and volatile and violent. Out Out Out. Done Done Done.

I asked her to calm down at this point because I feared my neighbor might call the cops. Knocked some things off of my desk. I panicked because my HTC VIVE headset was near the place that she knocked things off but she missed it. At that point, I told her this isn't working and I told her she needs to leave and move out.