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About LostSpartan

  • Birthday 10/07/1972

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  1. I never considered that I was looking at this as a competition but after reading your reply several times, I agree with you. Ill take your advice as well. Thank you.
  2. Thank you for responding with this. I am going to commit to your advice and put more energy into finding a new place to work. I'm also going to put mental health and managing stress back on my priorities list. Those are important and I guess I often forget those.
  3. When do you feel its time to give up and retreat as a leader. I'm looking for relatable thoughts. Hopefully from experience. I work with technology in a senior leadership role. I have a handful of great concerns. All of them have me frustrated enough to impact my sleep and normal life. I feel powerless to change any of them and I'm at the end of my rope. They are based around my boss who is a micromanager, shows favoritism towards one of my peers, discrimination, doesn't care about employee burnout by praising those who work lots of overtime, inexperienced, and unreasonable to adjust and change. My primary concern is my people. Morale means more to me than anything else. I don't want them stressed. I don't want them fearful of losing their jobs, the future, or how the people they lead are impacted. I feel powerless to do anything. It frustrates and angers me. Worrying about how this tears down their psyches, their personal lives, goals, etc. Not to mention, all of this has affected me. My mental health is also hit. Along with my morale worrying about my people, then myself. I find myself tapped emotionally. Targeted, but I don't want to really get into that. I literally think about this all the time. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking about work frustrations. I feel like giving up. But I also feel like if I give up, I'm abandoning my people and silly as it sounds a fear of feeling like I lost. Not sure that makes sense. Ive raised concerns to HR, internal ethics, and mildly speakijgbto a very senior leader. Ill admit I didn't give him all the facts, due to high level of his role. I've considered filing a discrimination claim or even hiring a lawyer. But that all seems like a challenge in itself, since I've never done that. For those of you who have been in this situation or similar. What did you do? Did you give up? Did you keep trying? I'm willing to keep fighting, but unsure where that line should be drawn. I will say I have secured a very high paying, consultant project manager cyber security role. It pays very well, but it's in an industry I've never touched in project management. Cyber security. It was my intent to try and work this in the evenings as a second job, to get my mind off of my main role. Which is not as a dedicated PM. So I have concerns around that potentially just doing that. Honestly seeking some experienced insight.
  4. I felt this response. Thank you. I'll take your words strong to heart.
  5. Ok fair enough. I'll have to try and figure out why I end up in these situations.
  6. Haha. no, not the same person. I guess I'm putting myself in this situation.
  7. I am seeing a dentist. Thanks for your caring words. I'm going to try and talk to her and dig deeper into this.
  8. Over my adult years, I have a lot of women in my life from dating and girlfriends. Its not really a good or terrible thing. Which brings me to this post. I need to know what I'm doing wrong. I usually flee from relationships. Usually because i know not all woman act in a certain way. So here in my situation. I'm in a relationship with a woman that I care about a lot. I really do. In most areas, she is wonderful. Clearly not perfect of course. The problem that I'm struggling with is how she acts in regards to the house not being clean. If the bed isn't made, trashcans partially full, dishes in the sink, etc. Nothing terrible, just basic cleanliness. Which to be fair, I get. No reason to live sloppy. Let me paint the picture. For the last week, I have been struggling with an abscess tooth. Its been painful and hard day to day. I work from home and I pay all of the household bills completley. She works as well, but not from home. To save our relationship, I've got into the habit of making the bed as soon as I can, cleaning up when I'm moving around the house, and when I get done working, I try to get as much done before she can get here. I do this for two reasons. Reason #1 - Her sanity. She clearly has a trigger with this and it really stresses her out. Reason #2 - Her behavior is completely out of control and what I consider, toxic. She will storm around the house, scowled up in her face, slamming items around, slamming doors, items, cursing, yelling at the top of her lungs, and completely angry and aggressive. So avoid both and not to do my usual of just dumping her and moving on, I've been trying to be proactive and stay on top of it. Even though it seems a bit unfair to me. But that's another conversation. Ok picture painted. So here I am in pain struggling and barely able to function. So for the last two days, I haven't been on top of my usual routine. So she gets up and within a manner of seconds, she's in her usual toxic storm. Cursing, storming around the house, cursing, slamming stuff, and just really upset. All in front of her son, btw. So I'm human and i know i can get upset as well. So I'm trying to stay in the bedroom to avoid a conflict but as she starts to slam things, I start to worry she's breaking stuff. So I go in the kitchen and ask her whats wrong. Dumb question, since I already know. She goes off on me cursing and slamming pots around. I snap and I yelled back. Telling her to stop. She yells back and here comes her son. I spot him, feel terrible and stop. Which really upsets me. I do my absolute best to not argue in front of him. But she can care less. She will curse, yell, scream, etc in front of him and not think twice about it, but then get mad at me, when I react from her and yell back once. Now from my diverse experience, I know that not all women act this way. All of that can be communicated, with the same message, but differently. One doesn't have to scream, shout, break things, curse, etc. Which made me start thinking. What the hell is wrong with me? I see people that have been married for decades. I feel like I need help acquiring a skill I don't have to handle this, instead of my usual routine of just dumping her and moving on. Thoughts?
  9. Searching for some thoughts around this. I was recently talking to someone about them trying to move up at their current employer vs searching for a that step up elsewhere. In my experience, there are times when a person is already doing the responsibilities of the next role, but face office politics, favoritism, unfair challenges, etc within their company. But it seems to work better, when they simply just go and search for that next challenge elsewhere. I've been trying to find some data around this but I've been failing. I might be wording my search wrong. Anyway, thoughts against or for this?
  10. For some time now, I've been hiding my depression. Trying to be strong for others, my friends, employees, etc. It almost feels pointless. It's like I get hit by these waves of unhappiness. It's random. I honestly don't know what to do about it. I've tried a few things. No change. My desire for fun is sapped. I can't get back my strong desire to hit the gym. I'm not sucidal, but I honestly get how a person can start to feel that way over depression. I dont like how I feel. No I hate it. So all that said, I have almost no desire to have sex. Nothing. It's just not there. Don't get me wrong. I still laugh, have fun, enjoy my hobbies, but the random wave of depression is often and leaves a lingering affect. So I find myself staring at walls, in random deep thought, but with no real desire for physical contact. I've told my girlfriend this. Maybe she didn't absorb my words, maybe I didn't explain it well, not sure. But she seems upset that we don't do it. But here's the thing. We do have sex. On average two to three times a week. As a matter of fact, she wanted to yesterday and I pushed myself into doing it. She didn't realize it. But I did. Then later on last night, she wanted to do it again. Ugh. I dreaded the thought. I had no desire. Low and behold as time passed, we both became tired and I fell asleep early. Only to find out today that she is mad, upset, bothered that we didn't do it a second time. A second time? I figured she'd be happy we did it once. Ugh. I need help. Not sure what to do.
  11. A lot of times when we go out to places, she gets in a funk thinking I'm not having fun. She says my face looks bored or that I appear to not be having a good time. Not true! In all my adult dating years, no woman has ever said this to me. I literally have no idea at how I should try to approach this. I've thought acting lessons and maybe some research on how to work on my body language. Well that's it. Any feedback or advice?
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