cellis4 Posted March 27, 2017 Share Posted March 27, 2017 So my ex and I broke up in October. I broke up with him because he was unmotivated and I felt like it was kind of the last straw for me. I'd been with him for 4 years and I was basically tired of it. When we broke up we we would casually check up on each other. I knew it wasn't healthy to do that. But I didn't want to let go. I still loved him very much and I do now. When we weren't together I had casually talked to other people but nothing came of it. I went on a date, it was fine but the whole time I was thinking about my ex. Around January I went to him and basically said I thought I made a mistake and that I love him and miss him. I never truly appreciated how much he did for me. No, I didn't get the sappy instagram or facebook posts(don't like PDA anyways), I didn't really get flowers (hate them anyways) but I got pure love from him. We never really argued, and the only flaw in our relationship was that he wasn't really motivated to do better in college and I was graduating and I felt like we were on two different maturity levels. Well, when I basically threw my heart at his face in January, he told me that he was really messed up for the past couple of months and he is just starting to get better as a person and he doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. Well little did I know he was talking to this girl that we both know and I've always had issues with her. She always likes his stuff on social media. She was always flirty with him before we dated and of course as soon as she finds out we break up she jumps on the opportunity. Well she lives in Honduras, but came to town in January for two weeks. And I know they hung out. But I didn't find out about that until this past weekend. So as this is all happening, I'm having like crazy anxiety and just am not feeling closure. And I was thinking why does he "check on me" every couple of weeks if he wants to move on. So Feb 15th we talked and I said that I can't do this wishy washy stuff anymore where he'll randomly text me and ask how I am. I told him I wanted to do a month of no communication, no stalking social media whatever. So the month rolls around and he basically comes back to me saying he loves me and he didn't really know what he had until now and that he wants to be with me. At first I was hesitant because I spent that month truly working on myself and honestly accepting the fact that in a month I wasn't going to hear from him. Well we ended up going to dinner and a movie, and it was honestly awesome. I ended up going to his house after and we had sex. But if the feeling is mutual, what ever why not. But I then spent the night at his house that Tuesday. And then this past Friday we were planning on going to dinner, but last minute he asked me if I wanted to go to his family cabin for the weekend with his family and just hang out, drink beer, be disconnected from our phones etc. That honestly sounded great to me and I was so down. So I went this past weekend, it was great. On Saturday we shot guns, fished, rode 4-wheelers, hiked, everything I love to be honest. We didn't look at our phones once. Well on Sunday he was out doing stuff in the yard and I saw his phone, and because I'm crazy and obviously insecure I looked at it. He had texts with that girl yes from January and that was how I found out that she was in town and they actually hung out. She even went to the hospital with him when his sister had her baby.......so he walked in and I was crying. I told him that it's none of my business what he did while we weren't together but I just felt like I needed to know and also that if I knew I would feel better. Wrong. He reassured me that he did talk to her, and he ended up not liking her, and he hasn't talked to her in like a month. And that if he really didn't want to be with me he wouldn't have reached out to me and basically told me all he wants is to be with me. But I keep thinking about this girl and how she met his family and how they said she was pretty. Even in the texts he says to her that his family really likes her, and she said to him that her family likes him. She's the whole package: she's beautiful, she is outdoorsy, she has a great family, etc. All I keep thinking is why would he want to be with me. When we're together I don't feel that way, but when I'm not with him or not working I constantly think about it. I think about her snap chatting him randomly or maybe sending a text to catch up, whatever. He told me if I wanted he would delete her on everything just to show me how much he wants to be with me. I don't want to be this type of person, I never have been until this. I feel like these insecurities are already putting a strain on the relationship on my side at least because I'm afraid of getting hurt again. How do I get rid of these insecure feelings? How do I get passed the fact that he talked to this girl, was interested in her, she met his family vice versa? I truly love him and want it to work out and he does too but at the same time I think about it and get sick to at the thought of him talking to someone else. Link to comment
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