An ephiphany - realization.

[reinventmyself]

Probably not a great idea to give out others personal info. . even tho it is written here. Your intentions are good but it's best not to speak on someone else's behalf.

[Fudgie]

I'm not saying that you are 100% the problem (you will always meet weirdos and people you're not compatible with when dating) but everyone has room to improve, right? Including yourself?

 

Bringing up your exes on the first/second date is generally not a good idea. You may come across as bitter or hung up on them. You CAN talk briefly about relationships to see if a man has had one before and what his attitude is. For example "I've had a few long term monogamous relationships in the past, and I would like to have that again in the future with someone compatible." Boom, that's it. See what he says in return.

 

As a rule, I don't date men who have casual sex but I've been able to determine pretty early on if someone has or hasn't had it without going into gritty detail or otherwise.

 

Remember to read in between the lines.

[Fudgie]

Also, I agree with nutbrownhare, maybe Tinder is not a good place for you to seek dates. I know it wasn't for me. I've had luck on Match (met a past boyfriend there) and Okcupid (met my current boyfriend there).

 

What I didn't like about Tinder is that a one line profile and a picture tells you nothing about a guy. Fine for hook ups if you're looking for that, but I'd rather read a lengthy profile and get a feel for a person. Maybe you would too.

[reinventmyself]

I'm not saying that you are 100% the problem (you will always meet weirdos and people you're not compatible with when dating) but everyone has room to improve, right? Including yourself?

 

Bringing up your exes on the first/second date is generally not a good idea. You may come across as bitter or hung up on them. You CAN talk briefly about relationships to see if a man has had one before and what his attitude is. For example "I've had a few long term monogamous relationships in the past, and I would like to have that again in the future with someone compatible." Boom, that's it. See what he says in return.

 

As a rule, I don't date men who have casual sex but I've been able to determine pretty early on if someone has or hasn't had it without going into gritty detail or otherwise.

 

Remember to read in between the lines.

 

With practice you learn to read people, gage their intentions and not have show up with a verbal warning.

Doing so you run off people just by your own social skills.

 

When you invest in trusting yourself, you can better navigate these situations.

So no, it's not all about them.

[katrina1980]

I think if a poster creates a thread discussing their personal life or anything else, it's not considered private and okay to mention especially if they are being disparaged by another poster who has formed an inaccurate assessment of them, or mixed them up with another poster with a similar name.

[youngwoman]

Tinder was just a way to pass time to see if I could actually get something decent off there. I know a friend who met her boyfriend of a year from there. It's a quicker more organized way than plenty of fish.

 

And if something doesn't work out on tinder it's so easy to find another person in a second. I expect at least a friendship. It's amusing to see how many people will hook up with someone they don't know but don't want to be friends. If they just want to hook up they should call prostitutes. Not real people that could be a good friend.

[katrina1980]

Tinder was just a way to pass time to see if I could actually get something decent off there. I know a friend who met her boyfriend of a year from there. It's a quicker more organized way than plenty of fish.

 

And if something doesn't work out on tinder it's so easy to find another person in a second. I expect at least a friendship. It's amusing to see how many people will hook up with someone they don't know but don't want to be friends. If they just want to hook up they should call prostitutes. Not real people that could be a good friend.

 

yw, I don't think you should 'expect' friendship, at least, most people on those sites aren't looking for friends. They're looking for casual dating, a relationship or just sex. If it doesn't happen, they move on.

 

Why not join a 'friends only' site, start as friends and if something develops from that, all the better. That would be a better way to go about this, for you, after reading what you've experienced and what you want.

[Fudgie]

Most people on dating sites don't want friendship. I know I didn't. I was there to find a relationship, that was it. Didn't work out? Okay but I didn't want to talk to that person anymore.

 

I like the friend site suggestion.

[IAmFCA]

Tinder was just a way to pass time to see if I could actually get something decent off there. I know a friend who met her boyfriend of a year from there. It's a quicker more organized way than plenty of fish.

 

And if something doesn't work out on tinder it's so easy to find another person in a second. I expect at least a friendship. It's amusing to see how many people will hook up with someone they don't know but don't want to be friends. If they just want to hook up they should call prostitutes. Not real people that could be a good friend.

 

 

Careful. That judgmental voice you turn onto others is the same one you turn on yourself, and onto people who mean to be kind or at least mean no harm.

 

Everyone has their own set of challenges, including ones we will never know and can't see. If people have casual sex, so what. It's their choice and harms no one. It's their path to manage. Same as you have your path, each of us has our path. What other people want does not reflect on you. It has no bearing on who you are. You are free to wish them well and take your leave without being offended or otherwise reactive.

[HeartGoesOn]

This thread has run its course.