Ended so abruptly... Do I still have a chance? What do I do?

[Mike45]

Never been here before but suffering badly after my girlfriend of over a year ended things very abruptly.

 

We got along great and never really argued over anything except when it came down to us and what we were and where we were going. She was always very open about having commitment issues and therefore I made a conscious effort not to come on too strong with my feelings for her. She always gave me mixed signals on top of this which made it very difficult for me to progress things along but I endured.

 

I had been studying recently and in the hunt for a new job for a number of months which was extremely frustrating for me and meant I wasn't being the person I would have liked around her and she was fully aware that my situation was affecting me quite a lot.

 

Eventually I did find the job i was waiting for all along and was about to get myself in order. But soon after she was feeling a bit down one week and I was trying to contact her, but she didn't respond for a few days after which I didn't know where I stood with her and it eventually lead to her ending things very quickly. She cried telling me and said I was her best friend and that I was the first person in quite a while she had let in. I never got a concrete reason out of her as to why she wanted this but it was a 15min conversation, and that was it she was gone.

 

The following week she did message me to see how I was and I didn't reply straight away as it was my first week in the new job and I wanted to pursue the whole no contact thing. But she then blocked me on FB after I didn't reply to her and so I decided in more than likely a panic to write her a message.

 

I didn't ask her for anything or beg her to come back and told her not to reply if she didn't want to. I just explained my feelings for her and how much I thought of her and that I regretted not saying it sooner. I said I knew the message might push her away further but that I wasn't going to pester her with anything else.

She came back that day saying she got emotional reading my message and was sorry it ended so quickly and that she never gave me security, that it was inevitable and that we probably can't be friends. But she also said she'd be there if I ever needed her or to talk and not to be a stranger.

 

I'm confused and hurt to say the least. I feel that because I wrote the message and she replied its just given her closure over the whole thing and I won't hear from her again. I dont regret sending the message as it was me coming clean about my feelings but im afraid i came across too emotional or needy. I've decided not to contact her since as that will just add to it, but I'm afraid because everything seems so final and I've no real reason as to why.

 

Should I just wait and see if she contacts me again down the line? And what if she never does?

[JaggerJim]

Have you been here before? Sounds familiar.

[Mike45]

No first ever post here

[reinventmyself]

I don't think you telling her how you felt was out of line. I think you owed yourself that and she needed to hear.

I also don't think it pushed her away. If someone tells you that they have loving feelings for them and they need to leave, you

need to show them the door.

 

You say you don't know why she left but alluded to having a difficult year and not being your best.

I get that now that you have sorted things out thing could be different, but what she's had is all she knows.

 

Don't regret telling someone how you feel about them. Unless you were pestering and stalking her, I think you were brave.

 

Be kind to yourself. I think deep down inside you might have an idea why she decided to leave.

Besides, she was non committal to begin with.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this . What did she mean by commitment issues? Was she hung up on an ex? Much of this sounds like her baggage, no?

 

Excellent you are studying and got the new job. Stay no contact and wait for her to reach out.

We got along great and never really argued over anything except when it came down to us and what we were and where we were going. She was always very open about having commitment issues.

[milly007]

To be honest, it just sounds like you were dealing with an emotionally unavailable person. At the end of the day, the reason for your break-up may have had nothing to do with you, and everything to do with her and her commitment issues.

 

The fact that any arguments that you had were primarily about her and her commitment issues makes me think that she's always had one foot out the door. Again, this has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with her.