Missy k Posted March 2, 2017 Share Posted March 2, 2017 Hey all. I'm new here, I would really appreciate everyone's advice I don't know how to start this..but here we go..I had kept myself to myself, and never really made guy mates or bf as I don't trust men. I know all are not same (but because of my dad I didn't have a good/relaxed childhood as others) so I didn't wanna give anyone the chance to hurt me. I avoided guys and to be honest I never had no such desires to fulfil. All I wanted to do was to have a career and support my family. I wasn't even on social media or anything. 5/6 years back I spoke to someone online (on hotmail messenger) we spoke and got to know each other, now I realise I told him more then he needed to know about me. Anyway after talking for few months on hotmail we exchanged numbers and I only gave it coz he'd beg for it at that time I was just 21. He'd always joke and flirt but I didn't really know if he was flirting or he was serious so I'd ask him and he'd say he's serious. Later he wanted to be with me, I said no and he already knew the reason why. We kept talking and he kept assuring me he's different and not like others. He won't hurt me etc as all would say to get someone they want or want to play with. He said I'm the only one he talks to online but it was hard for me to believe but he kept assuring me and said you're not on social media even I'm not on it, you're not the only one who's talking to only one person, just like I'm the only one you talk to you're the only one I speak to. I gave in, I thought yeah I can't be the only one, there are many people who aren't on social media and don't wanna interact with many people. He'd beg me to be with him, he'd cry and say he's hurt coz of me, he'd stop eating (I thought he stopped eating completely, later got to know he used to drink and eat crisps, chocs etc but not like proper food) I found it weird, why would u do something like this? Or how can you fall in love with someone online? It was hard for me to trust people in real how could I trust someone online? But I kept thinking if I'm telling him the truth he's doing the same. After 2yrs of talking I gave in, not for myself but him, I gave him a chance. Few days after getting together we were talking about age, and he told me he lied about his age, he's 9 yrs my senior! I cried and cried..and broke up with him saying il never trust him or anyone else again, he cried and said he if e hadn't lied I wouldn't have spoke to him or gave him a chance. Like a fool I forgave him even though I was not happy with the age difference I didn't want someone that bigger then myself but for his happiness and coz I said I love you to him I tried ignoring that fact. After sometime we met, but before meeting I said to him I don't want us to make out or do anything sextual He agreed. So we met and hugged..he seemed very mischievous and was not how I thought he was. I was with him but never felt happy in our relationship so I'd keep talking about breaking up. But we lasted together 3yrs, he agreed to not have sex before our marriage (maybe sounds old school but I just wanted one man in my life, and take things forward after marriage) but when we kept meeting he'd touch me inappropriately I'd stop him but he'd laugh, he forced himself on me and kissed me, I cried but he hugged me and smiled saying it's all ok we can do it there's nothing wrong. After that I didn't wanna meet him but we kept meeting as he'd insist, he would make cuts on his hand and say he's gonna kill himself because of me, I should meet him and stay at his place so I did, no one knew where I was staying, Again he forced himself on me, we didn't have sex but he always touched me against my will, I always felt scared but was with him as he was the first man in my life. I wanted to join Facebook but he didn't allow me, even though he's on it. He never gave me his password. Few months back I got to know he talks to millions of girls, he has been to prostitues, had many one night stands and is having affairs with married women it broke me apart. I feel as though he's taken away my everything. The first hug, the first touch the kiss everything is special but he just forced himself on me so there was nothing special. He emotionally blackmailed me all the time and just used me. I wasted so much time on him when I could've been doing better things. I am shattered, he knew Iv put all my trust in him and trust him blindly, never asked him for anything or to prove he loves me then why did he play me?? Didn't my feelings matter to him? I avoided such relationships because I didn't wanna get hurt but because I cared for his feelings I got this reward. He doesn't regret anything. I don't know what to do I am sorry I wrote way too much Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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