He won't commit properly...

[Yasmin]

Hi guys...I'm sorry this may be a long one.

 

So I started working in a bar in May 2016 and around the same time a guy started working there. We immediately had a connection and flirted a lot at work etc. We then started to go on dates and everything was great...we first slept together in August and told eachother that we liked eachother. We continued to see eachother a lot and then one day we got onto the topic about where our "relationship/frienship" would eventually go. He explained to me that he had commitment issues and that he has a very busy life which is very true. He plays american football, he is the social rep for the society, he studies law at university and then we both spend our weekends working in a bar. I took this as in he didn't want a relationship with me but he said that that wasn't the case, he just told me that he can see us being together but he wasn't sure whether he would have the time to make me happy etc. I kind of accepted this because at the end of the day it was too early to begin a relationship so I decided we could carry on seeing eachother and see where things go (he also accepted this). However, we started to argue a lot - one day we were fine and then the next we were arguing about silly little things. I hold my hands up- I did used to get annoyed about if he didn't have time to see me or sometimes he would be in a bad mood with me etc so I would start these arguments...we would work things out he would promise he'd make time for me and do things better but then he wouldn't so it just continued in a cycle. During these months I decided on various occasions to distance myself from him, to start meeting other people and just living my own life...but...he wouldn't let me. As soon as he felt I was doing this he would start to message me more, seem a little more interested which always makes me think that he does care about me. And yes I do believe he likes me and cares about me...he wouldn't say it if he didn't right? And I am 100% certain that there are no other girls in his life. He has told me that he only wants to see me and that he only likes me. So anyway...a couple of months ago I went out with a girl friend, we met some boys I got extremely drunk, the boys said there was a party at their house after the club, so me and my friend (stupidly) went. I do not remember much but my friend told me that I went into a bedroom with one of the boys I was in there for roughly 1 minute (she was on the other side of the door listening) and she could hear me and this random guy arguing. I stormed out of the room went downstairs and the guy ended up punching me in the face I had blood everywhere etc etc. I went to the hospital and obviously the day after I told Jack (the guy I'm seeing or whatever it is) what had happened. I did not expect his reaction...Jack got extremely mad and treated me like I had cheated on him or something. My defence was well if he doesn't want to commit then I can do what I want....and that doesn't mean I'm going to be with other boys. Jack knows that I am loyal to him even if we aren't in a relationship. Anyhow, he was so angry and ignored me for weeks and then we eventually made up. He recently told another girl that we work with that he is still hurt by the fact I went into another boys bedroom but he is gradually forgiving me. Recently we have not been arguing and we have been seeing eacother more often. Things are great.

 

However, I don't want this to carry on like this. We both like eachother, we are both loyal to eachother, we see eachother...it basically is a relationship so what is his problem with labelling it a relationship?? Everyone knows we are seeing eachother he isn't embarassed about me there are no other girls...I just don't understand!!! So please help me guys? I have thought about walking away with the hope of him coming running after me...but what if he doesn't? I really do not want to lose him...I've liked him the most out of previous boyfriends! And I understand from the outside that some people are going to think that he obviously doesn't like me enough to be with me...but I really don't think this is the case!! We are both in uni and he plans to move to America after uni...he has told me before that he wouldn't want to hurt me in the long run. I always used to think his "excuses" were just excuses but I don't know...I mean...I'd follow him to america!! I just want to know how I can get him to "commit" to me...I don't mind if he doesn't want to call us boyfriend and girlfriend but I would like to know he sees me in his future...and I guess the only way that is proven is if we get into a relationship.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately it sounds like you want a relationship but all he's offering is fwb.

...we first slept together in August. one day we got onto the topic about where our "relationship/frienship" would eventually go. He explained to me that he had commitment issues and that he has a very busy life

[Jibralta]

Sounds like a dead end for you. A lot of worry, effort, and manipulation for half of what you want.

[Hollyj]

Sorry, but he only see you as a friend. He steps it up because he does not want to lose his supply of sex.

 

It may have been fun at first, but now there is continuous arguing.

 

He never saw you as someone to have a future with, and you should have listened to him when he said he would not make time for you.

 

If you want a relationship with someone, then get rid of this guy. Don't allow yourself to be treated like this.

[Bunney]

As Mark Manson says: if someone isn't "Hell Yes!" about being with you, then it's a "no".

 

He enjoys your company, and likes you as a person, and yes it hurts his fragile little ego when he hears that you've been with other guys... but that's about it.

 

Texting you more/showing more interest the second you contact him less.. yeah, he likes the chase, classic behavior of someone who is simply too immature to be in an adult, serious, healthy relationship. He probably won't be ready for a long time, like most guys in their 20s.

 

And you can be sure that the minute he meets a girl that just catches his interest that much more, one who makes him feel like he HAS to be with her before someone else snatches her up... you will hear less and less from him.

 

Respect yourself more and remove yourself from this situation.

[HeartGoesOn]

You need to raise your standards, and refuse to sell yourself short by accepting crumbs from this guy. In addition to that, regardless of how/where it took place, he never stepped up to the plate when that other guy punched you in the face.

 

Respect yourself, and kick him to the curb...