Minnimouse Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 I have known this guy about over 2 months. Been on quite a few dates. We have been texting everyday and it did get pretty intense now he has been texting and calling less. We did have an argument about something so silly the other day and we laughed about it. And today he called me to say he thinks we need to stop texting so much and have some space. He said he want to be able to miss me. I don't feel like I'm being needy in anyway. He said he still likes me but just doesn't want to make any impulsive decisions. Should I just play it cool and just wait for him to make the move? Link to comment
gebaird Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 Unless you have been a raging, non-stop, "Why won't she leave me alone?!" kind of texter, this whole thing seems ridiculous. He wants space? Give him all the space he wants by blocking him and moving on. Link to comment
Crystal Clear2 Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 Hmmm. I was in a similar situation. It sounds like he's having second thoughts. Don't push it like i did. Leave him be. If he fades out, he's not for you. Comes on strong, leaves just as fast. Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 Yes do this and stop all the texting either way. Should I just play it cool and just wait for him to make the move? Link to comment
j.man Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 What was the argument? And, yes, stop texting. He isn't enjoying it. Link to comment
Minnimouse Posted January 27, 2017 Author Share Posted January 27, 2017 Yes do this and stop all the texting either way. The crazy thing is I haven't been messaging him all that much. He came on very strong at the start Link to comment
Minnimouse Posted January 27, 2017 Author Share Posted January 27, 2017 What was the argument? It was about me being late to meet him and he was going to head to the place we were going instead of waiting on me. I might have over reacted and I told him that and we both said sorry and laughed but he has obviously not forgotten it. Link to comment
j.man Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 In what way did you overreact? And how late were you? Why? Sounds like he was interested in you enough to be willing to play along with all the texting. Then your overreaction got him thinking twice? Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 I think it's safe to say, "It's over." Move on... Link to comment
Minnimouse Posted January 27, 2017 Author Share Posted January 27, 2017 I was late by 30 mins. I might have over reacted to the fact he went to the place we were going without me. We had a hotel booked as we were seeing a gig and he had lots of bags with him, so I think I was harsh and told him he should have waited on me. Was I right to be harsh? He said he still likes me but wants to stop texting for a while. Link to comment
JaggerJim Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 It sounds like he wants to date but does not want where it leads. Having to text and stay in contact requires work and effort. I don't think he wants to put that in. You should see what else is out there. Don't tell him, just start finding other suiters. Link to comment
Minnimouse Posted January 27, 2017 Author Share Posted January 27, 2017 Well I just called it a day and I'm Not texting him again Link to comment
gebaird Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 It was about me being late to meet him and he was going to head to the place we were going instead of waiting on me. I might have over reacted and I told him that and we both said sorry and laughed but he has obviously not forgotten it. Yep, he laughed outwardly but is inwardly withdrawing from you. No one's perfect, and your over reaction was probably just a minor infraction -- but he is treating it as a major one, which is a red flag to me. Anyone can be a great partner when things are going well, but a person who runs at the first sign of conflict is probably not in it for the long-term anyway. Let him go. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 The crazy thing is I haven't been messaging him all that much. He came on very strong at the start This is pretty typical imho. HE comes on strong, HE is the one who is initiating most if not all the texting. After awhile he realizes it's too much (too intense-your word), too fast, and wants to step back a bit. Nothing wrong with that and the fact he actually communicated this to you speaks volumes. Many men would have said nothing and just backed off. Leaving you to think god only knows what. So I give him credit for telling you what he needs, and to me, shows he cares and wants to make it work. There are many different stages and nuances when developing a relationship. Things DON'T always run smooth (as Shakespeare has written). It is important to be flexible and allow for these different nuances. Re your argument, since you both laughed about it later, I don't think was an issue. Although, your getting upset with him may have affected him to the point he realized things *were* becoming too intense too soon. But again he communicated this to you, which is what a healthy relationship is all about, communication. I think it is too soon to say this means it's over. My advice would be to sit back, stop initiating, maintain independence, live your life and see how it plays out. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 The crazy thing is I haven't been messaging him all that much. He came on very strong at the start People that come on strong, tend to flake. It's never proven wrong in my experience. Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 People that come on strong, tend to flake. It's never proven wrong in my experience. I am inclined to agree with you, only because in most cases, when a guy comes on strong, then needs to pull back a bit to catch his breath or whatevs, the woman starts to become insecure, freak out and chase. This of course is the worst thing she could do, and will only push him further away. Maybe forever. I have had boyfriends need to pull back a bit after initiallly coming on VERY strong. I just did my own thing and left them alone. Inside, I was wondering, and anxious but I contained it. In literally every case, he has returned in a few days, slowed things down to a more realistic pace and we went on to have LTR. I know with my ex (six year guy), he came on so strong *I* had to tell *him* to slow things down. It was way too intense straight from the get go! And I was super into him! It was just too intense, too soon. IMO, it's all just part of the *dance*. Sportster, just out of curiosity, when a woman you were dating came on strong and then pulled back, how did you respond? Chase harder? Get pissed off at her? Again, just curious. Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Sportster, just out of curiosity, when a woman you were dating came on strong and then pulled back, how did you respond? Chase harder? Get pissed off at her? Again, just curious. There's not much I can do. The pattern is to go too fast, make it seem like it's a done thing, and then do a complete 180 turn. It happens too fast to do anything. When I get the 'just wanna be friends' speech, I just shrug, and tell them not to let the door hit them on the way. Then I chide myself for once again wasting my time on this type of person. Early June I was sitting in an upscale dining room having a wonderful time with a gal. She proclaimed she was having one of the best and funnest nights of her life. She was making plans for us for Halloween. She said she wanted to come and see my place. Have a diner there. Went back to her place. Could have had sex. I backed off. She fell asleep on my lap. I woke her, and told her she was falling asleep. She smiled and cooed and said "yes, I know". Lots of kissing and necking good night. Plans for a date next Saturday. I text her Saturday morning. "Looking forward to seeing you tonight". She cancelled the date. Whenever I'm on a date with a woman and it seems wonderful, and too good to be true, it always is. As God as my witness I'm not dating these types of women anymore. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I wouldn't wait for anything. He is basically saying "enough already". Link to comment
Tanzi Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 People that come on strong, tend to flake. It's never proven wrong in my experience.Abs Agree with this. Things that start off very quickly tend to crash and burn just as quickly. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Whenever I'm on a date with a woman and it seems wonderful, and too good to be true, it always is. As God as my witness I'm not dating these types of women anymore. As eNA is your witness I am going to copy and paste this somewhere safe Sportster .... lest you forget!! Link to comment
katrina1980 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Agree with this. Things that start off very quickly tend to crash and burn just as quickly. I think you're right, although like with most things, there are always exceptions. However, like I said, my ex came on VERY fast, and now I wonder, if I had not made a point to slow things down, HE too would have disappeared just as fast. In fact, later in our RL, he admitted that prior to me, THAT had been his pattern. Coming on strong and fast and then the RL burning out just as fast. Now, when a man comes on hard and fast with me, I will always slow him down. If he doesn't like the slower pace, as Sportster said, there's the door. It's so easy to get caught up in the fantasy of a new RL. Better to pace it out, although when two people are so totally hot for each other, it's hard to do! Link to comment
Chloee1988 Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 I just wanna echo what many of the the posters have said. Any man/woman who comes on too quickly will fade just as quickly! It's the reality. Coming on too quickly means getting involved for the wrong reasons or overlooking signs of incompatibility in a rush to begin dating. As soon as the person becomes conscious of this, he/she usually back off. This has happened to me many times with me being the person who came on too quickly and then disappearing and also being flaked by someone who initially came on very strong. It's never a good sign and usually indicates instability on their part. Do NOT text back; move on. If he comes back, tread cautiously! Link to comment
SoulTaker Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 The crazy thing is I haven't been messaging him all that much. He came on very strong at the start Some men will come on strong like that in order to get the woman. Once they feel that they have her, then they go back to their normal self (e.g. not texting, not conversing as normal,...). Two months is in the time range where this change of communicating can take place. This might, or might not be the case. Only time will tell. Link to comment
abitbroken Posted January 30, 2017 Share Posted January 30, 2017 Its weird that instead of just simply not texting so much, that he makes this announcement. Sounds too dramatic for me. Like "Okay...i am leaving...i am walking towards the door...see... here i go..." Link to comment
Sportster2005 Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 As eNA is your witness I am going to copy and paste this somewhere safe Sportster .... lest you forget!! OH OH !!! Maybe it's the tough love I need Link to comment
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